Rus Articles Journal

How it is necessary to live?

AS NEEDS to LIVE?

(Diary of the person not happy with the life. Fat

italicized the comments to the diary made by it in 30 years)

There is an opinion that each person can write

at least one book in the life. I consider

Ya that each person has to write

at least one book.

I the " school is obliged to teach it;

(Fedorin S. E. - businessman)

As it is good when you lose false,

cannot already offend You

in any eyes you do not look prosyashche,

A someone protects not the present,

Over rotten happiness fades someone

Care of the coward - not my care!

I I live them happiness despising.

of is looked for by me - false losing!

(Ramz Babadzhan is a poet)

If to begin from the very beginning of my life my conception, according to the father and mother, happened in Leningrad, in the summer, in " hotel; Angliter . According to the door-keeper mother and the father were lodged in number where when that Sergey Yesenin tragicly died.

Is good that influence of the identity of Yesenin on the father was stronger, than influence of persons Lenin, Marx or Stalin. And therefore I was fated to become Sergey, but not Vistal (Vissarion Iosifovich Stalin), for example.

B 1953 when Stalin died, and me was four years, I, looking at the photo of the handsome moustached man, and the father in the opinion of whom there were tears gave me the photo, I told: Better I at - m - e - r - e - l, than the grandfather Stalin . Here such is there was promotion force at that time from which I any more remember nothing. Yes, also I remember, perhaps, it is more according to parents who told me this case.

When I was seven years old the father suggested me to become an intelligence agent. Told only several phrases by an insinuating voice. And my soul trembled and was lit with happiness. On this subject the father did not start further conversations any more, and I was afraid to frighten off good luck and for a long time hoped and the soul was thrilled with happiness of possible prospect.

That`s all fostering patriotism - I was at the full order of the Homeland. Then with pleasure entered in pioneers then Komsomol and was afraid only of one that I will not be able to sustain tortures when I get to the enemy. And I well knew what tortures Sergey Lazo, Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya, the general Karbyshev, young Krasnodontsa and many maintained, many, others.

When I went to serve to army, I had no slightest doubt that I will be able to give life for the Homeland. In army I with pleasure summarized Lenin`s works, have suffered much human humiliation, though was the sergeant and without having understood anything except that army - it is worse than prison since. you do not know for what you sit, entered the Leningrad institute (LETI).

Why in LETI? Very much the specialty - " was pleasant; Electronically medical " equipment;. Here so primitively you choose the main thing in the life, you choose on not clear pleasant feelings. Well, it yet nothing terrible, the main thing chose. Terribly what chose, without being able to choose. And where learn how it is necessary to choose?

from this what told at institute about reached me percent five. According to special sections of mathematics, physics, biotechnology, practically, anything.

However, nothing was necessary since at work I mastered everything in three months and howled with boredom.

Not for nothing say that the best years are student`s years. And then full gloomy slavery. But the eyewitness - my diary best of all speaks about it.

Many well-known and not really people when asked them a question of that would like to live they the life on another, with enthusiasm answered that their life is absent passed perfectly and they in it would not change anything.

A I am very dissatisfied with the life and would like to change in it everything, except the mother whom forbade to love me, but she nevertheless loved me though I badly felt it...

cannot be changed Now nothing and what would not be boring I I try to change to the best our not perfect world as I understand it is necessary to change it.

The Main thing always should be solved most . Bashkirov G.

Nayedines

The Person alone with himself not when sees nobody him, and when he sees nobody

.

From the article Against the anger Lidiya Grafova

" Newspaper; Komsomol, truth from 22. 05. 1973.