How to overcome a resentment if you took offense?
On offended water carry.
But attempt to treat offense brings mental anguish more much than harm, than failures. Actually offense - the deadly poison as a hobby making happiness impossible in principle and absorbing the mass of forces which could be used with bigger advantage.
the Sensitive person gradually gets to a vicious circle. The person who continuously complains and takes offense constantly is dissatisfied with something - not the best partner or the colleague. Now colleagues begin treat it indifferently, the chief “ suddenly “ begins to do additional remarks and, therefore, there is an additional occasion to express offense and to grumble.
Our offense depends on a number of the reasons:
- from that how fair ourselves consider ourselves, from an assessment of the importance of the offender (we will not suffer what we can endure from the chief from subordinated);
- from possible consequences (what it is dangerous to us by);
- from as far as we control ourselves;
- from personal perception of offense.
The resentment even if it is based on real injustice, does not bring either satisfaction, or advantage and over time becomes an emotional habit. Constantly feeling as the victim of injustice, you begin to get into the role of the person suffering persecution mentally. You carry with yourself this feeling which constantly looks for an external hook that for it to be hooked. In such situation it is easy to find proofs of the prejudiced relation to himself even in the most innocent remarks and harmless situations.
With the nursed grievance you are simply not able to imagine yourself the independent, independent and confident person in the forces, cannot be the master of his own live. Reins of government pass to others. Therefore, the offense is incompatible with creative commitment where you possess an active role, but not role of the passive recipient of favor from others.
Scheme of overcoming of a resentment:
Here it is useful to remember that the resentment in you is caused not by people, events or circumstances. It is your own emotional reaction. Only you can dominate over it, only you are able to control it, however, if you manage to understand that the resentment and pity to themselves is led not fortunately and to success, and to defeat and sufferings.
Remember or write down. Mark it well!
1. You and only you personally define the vital purposes.
2. Nobody is obliged to you by anything.
3. You try to obtain implementation of the desires, provide own success and happiness.
If you are able, try not to get into situations in which you have a resentment and the more so not to provoke them for a start.
If it was not succeeded to avoid offense, we apply the following technology:
1. Feel the small child who feels defenseless and offended.
2. Admit to yourself that you have a resentment; Tell
to yourself: “ Yes, I take offense on... “. It is important to accent for himself that it not you were offended, and you take offense at someone.
3. Define the reason of your offense i.e. what your expectations in relation to this person were.
Finish for yourself the phrase I would like that he (she)...
4. Take a detached view of a situation: You the adult independent person free to arrive as you consider it necessary.
your partner too quite independent person (even if you take offense at the own child). And the partner has a freedom of choice in the actions too, he is free to arrive as he wants (even your own child). If you agree with this thought, it will be very easy for you to take the following step.
5. To work! And immediately!!! Ask the partner to execute that you expect from him (if it is really important for you and you want it to achieve).
6. In total!
One more technology which I unconsciously applied in life (when was going to marry).
1. Write down on a sheet of paper all that you wait from the family or friends: as they have to perceive you that they should think of you how they should care for you and to forgive all to you, etc. As required submit these people this list and try to find out from them as far as your expectations are real. Most likely, you are waited by not too pleasant opening: the reality will hardly correspond to yours about it to representation.
2. Then make other list: what do people around wait from you for? It is possible to ask several friends to make similar “ lists of expectations “ concerning you. Perhaps, you regularly offend relatives “ incorrect “ behavior as you do not meet their expectations.
3. Discuss compliance of these lists, and you will see as far as your expectations coincide (or do not coincide) with expectations of your relatives. So you will prevent in a root the whole heap of the conflicts and offenses at you and on you will be much less.
I think, many people would never decide to get married if they exchanged such " in advance; lists of expectations “ concerning each other.
So if someone offended you, remember a wise proverb “ On offended water carry “.