What dangers are concealed in itself by the first love?
Which of us did not experience in the life special experiences concerning the first love when at the sight of responsible for our experiences took the breath away, legs gave away, hands and a forehead sweated. When there was a wish to see, hear and be constantly near object of our lamentations. A bad dream, appetite and mood if there was no reciprocity and vice versa - cheerful mood, the increased working capacity and desire of all to embrace and to kiss if these feelings got a response from darling.
From the point of view of psychology, the first love is the first real personal test for the person. How the person will endure the period of the first love, depends final “ completion “ his persons. The matter is that each of us lives in society in which living conditions and behavior in society in what quality we would not be are stipulated. The child knows as to him to behave, the student knows what his progress depends on, adults know what needs to be done that the family was as it should be. And here at the first love, you should solve how to arrive, you to yourself both the student and the examiner. There are no registered rules, nobody taught it and it is impossible to register rules for lovers as the first love sets to the person absolutely free scale of his personality. Here you not the successful pupil, not the careful father, not the good companion or the attentive husband, here you reveal in the attitude towards other person - such what you are.
Having this feeling, nobody thinks of what apartment at the elect what his status in society by what car it goes whether there is giving and whether parents are rich. It at the first love concerns nobody. This feeling romantic, light and the purest. And it is worth treating this feeling very seriously as, I will repeat, this serious test for the person which can not only break all plans, but also break the most in love. To break it internally.
But that the most interesting in it, is that the true first love is a rarity. Real and not that was with all of us in kindergarten, at school or institute. Among us there is a lot of those who did not endure the true first love, but there are also those who could not stop loving that girl or that boy from the remote past.
Psychologists consider that the first love has to be complete. Later it is possible to remember it and it is necessary to remember - either with a smile, or with light grief as it is pleasant to whom, but to grieve for it and furthermore to come back to the former relations - it means to doom itself to intolerable pain.
Yes, it is possible to remember all the life the first love, to grieve for it, then to meet - and to feel huge disappointment for which the simplification as you are different people will come you any more not those young people the young man and the girl and such you any more will never be. But sometimes, if to grieve about the first love and to meet it on the street by chance - it is possible to steep in this feeling again and to forget about everything on light. Such lovers leave the families, children and enjoy what all these years so were eager for. As a result families, the crippled destinies break up, children are left without parents. And what as a result? Most often - over time there come enlightenment and the person comes back from the fairy tale to reality, realizing that what left, it is impossible to return, pulls in a family, conscience, sense of guilt begins to torment.
Understand: the first love is an irrational, psychological event. But not vital. It is impossible to enter twice the same river. Going on a meeting with the first love, we perceive it as 16 - 20 in advance - the summer girl, or the young man. But as a result - before us absolutely other person who can strongly lose to our present partner in life.
What promotes “ to jamming “ on the first love?
One of factors - unsuccessful marriage. The person who does not receive fully in what he needs the life now can regret for the missed opportunities. At the same time the imagination joins and the person draws to himself a picture in which he with the first love lives long and happily.
The second factor - structure of the personality which is inclined to bifurcation of feelings. On the one hand there is a love to the present spouse, and in the head any possible options are scrolled. And here, if the opportunity is given and furthermore that which is connected with such strong feelings, then the person not in forces to resist.
The third factor - it is peculiar to people with narcissistic bents which very much love themselves. The self-ecstasy, admiration of does not allow to forget about that time when there was so much admiration, so many pleasant and gentle words were told from darling.
But the most important factor is people, special category of people for whom psychologically there is no time - neither the present, nor future, nor last, any, except time “ always “. These people perceive everything that occurred, the relation and people as part of the life now in spite of the fact that there passed a lot of time that circumstances changed that cannot be returned nothing. For them - the first love - mine and only mine. And not just was when that, and is and will always be.
But the most terrible happens not when people get stuck on the first love and when they had no this feeling at young age. And here, having lived till forty years and more, they for the first time fall in love. It is accident in spite of the fact that love - fine feeling which bears in itself so many positive emotions and creative effect. All the matter is that by this time, as a rule, at people it was already died, there are families, work, everything that is necessary for happy life. And suddenly … the feeling which everything changes comes, all overturns in life upside down. And already without it is another, darling life does not make sense. In it danger of overdue love. The first love, which does not ask when to it to appear, but comes when to it takes in head and always finds us unprepared. And rules of conduct at the first love are not registered anywhere. Here it is also necessary to maintain it, perhaps, the first serious test of the personality most, relying not on experience and reason any more, and on those feelings which to constrain not in forces.
I wish all to stand in similar tests both to leave with honor and to remain with love. With the first love and forever.