How to hunt a bear?
Life in our Lyubomudrovsky district is boring and monotonous. And everything from - that the area deadlock. In the sense that there is no through passage through us and the only asphalt road going from the regional center rests against the well-known Voskoboynikovsky bogs. These bogs are called so in honor of the aged man Voskoboynikov hiding among them from wordly temptations still in the days of yore.
in principle, we are happy with the life. Strangers here, practically, do not go. The, however, becomes less and less. The youth right after leaving school goes to the city in search of the better lot. Old men leave - generally, everything, as at all.
our Area on the level of economic development takes many years the honourable last place in the area. And all thanks to the head of local administration, all to dear Semyon Afanasyevich Kutuzov. Only from - for its penetrative abilities we manage to keep at the very end of the list.
A for the last place always goes to areas desperate fight. We constantly battle against the next Ichkulinsky, against Krasnobogatyrsky, against Bogacheevsky district. Sometimes with all at once.
All from - for the fact that the system of financing in the area before recent time was built in such a way that the main money from the budget was received by the one who could be fixed on the latest place. Semyon Afanasyevich in ten years of the board finished a budget deficit of the region from 70 to 92 percent, for as was repeatedly re-elected to the position by fellow countrymen.
But, as usual, even the wisest of us can make a mistake. This year in the area the governor was replaced. Moscow sent the - young and vigorous. The new governor at once declared that he does not intend to support the lagging behind any more and main money will go only to the advanced areas now. Semyon Afanasyevich collected by
urgent expanded meeting in local administration. All elite of the area was: the prosecutor, the chief of militia, a press - the secretary, several businessmen and the chief game manager of economy “ Bogolyubovskoye “ Alexander Aleksandrovich Shnur.
the Head rose for a tribune in a conference hall and delivered the following speech:
- Dear fellow countrymen. As you possibly already know, in the area the political situation was radically replaced. Over us threat of full financial bankruptcy hung. It is necessary to change strategy of an our survival urgently.
We always were the last in the area and by right were proud of it. Now we should become the first. It is clear, that usual means of it cannot be reached therefore I will nourish for general discussion the action plan for the next two months. Unfortunately, history to us does not release bigger term because in two months to us to the area visit of the governor is planned. To us he will visit other 58 districts of the area. By the way, in day of arrival to us the governor has a day of its birth and we are obliged to use this factor at full capacity. By results of survey of the economy entrusted to our governor by Moscow the decision on allocation to one, only one region of money for construction of the wood processing complex, largest in area, will be made by the cost of the whole 20 million euros. Here the head made by
a pause and the hall looked round, estimating effect of the said sum and continued.
- From confidential sources became known to me that the governor - the passionate hunter. Unfortunately, this information filtered also into other areas which make huge efforts on the organization of production by the governor of different feathery and other game now. Our task - to arrange them in all respects. Or we will receive these most 20 million or we will go on the world.
of San Sanych, - addressed the head the chief game manager, - what you can offer us?
Shnur groaning rose from the wooden, pressed-through by numerous previous assessors chair.
- Semyon Afanasyevich, you perfectly know that we have only a standard hunting for a boar. there is no
- the boar in this situation is no good. Melkovat will be. I suggest to arrange to the governor hunting for a bear!
- Bears at us around already years fifteen as is not present. You know about it.
- I Know, I do not know. What`s the odds. In other areas too long ago all game of a povybila. And that if … On it meeting temporarily was interrupted by
and the head together with the chief game manager were removed to smoke on a porch.
After a smoke break for consideration of public was provided the following document:
“ Strictly confidentially. Only for office use.
The plan of visit by the governor of N - sky area of Lyubomudrovsky district.
9. 00 - The governor`s meeting on area border.
10. 00 - 10 - 30. - A breakfast in " cafe; At Nyura “.
11. 00 - 11. 30. - Survey of the enterprises of the area. Departure to Voskoboynikovsky bogs.
12. 00. Beginning of hunting for a bear. The bear is bought in a regional zoo on sponsor`s donations of lyubomudrovsky businessmen.
12. 15. Governor`s shot. Congratulations his attendees with successful hunting. Weighing of a trophy on scales. Scales are provided by the motor transportation enterprise. Photography.
13. 00 - 17. 00 Rest on a hunting ground zaimka “ Theological “. Bath, ear, fried bear`s flesh. Responsible - Shnur.
17. 30 Meeting with an area asset in the administration building. Delivery to the governor of an effigy of the bear who is earlier killed with it. Execution by the Gipsy chorus of the song “ Hepp bezdey chu yu “. The Gipsy chorus is provided by the prosecutor of the area. Receiving assurance about allocation to the region of money.
18. 00 Departure of the governor “.
Feverish preparation for visit began. From a regional zoo the bear doomed to stand after hunting with a tray in paws in an office at the governor was brought. The bear was very decent build, but scary thin. Therefore it was decided to fatten him at first. Funds for livelihood were also received from local businessmen.
At once arose a question with production of an effigy. It became clear that for so short term local masters did not manage to make it. Kutuzov did not become puzzled also here. It gave the order to buy at the expense of the local budget a similar effigy in " shop; Hunter “. Like, the governor after a bath and vodka will not sort what bear to him is presented.
The governor arrived to the time frame which is precisely specified by him. In the beginning everything went, as well as was conceived. But, as we know, and the well thought-out plans are broken various a swagger - major circumstances. In our case a swagger - a major it was fated to become the aunt Zoya from Kolobovka who gathered on the bicycle on mushrooms early in the morning, and did not know about the forthcoming governor`s hunting.
of the Bear, as well as was thought in advance up, let out from a cage in a small coppice. Near an animal that he far did not escape, poured out two bags of oats. However, that also did not aspire on will. The surrounding nature of Toptygin frightened much. He only saw it a little bear cub.
the Aunt Zoya quietly went with a basketful of birch mushrooms home when the road to it was partitioned off by the bear intended to shooting. It agrees to the instructions received in the far childhood from the grandma, Zoya fell from the bicycle and pretended to be dead. When minutes through fifteen it opened eyes, neither Toptygin, nor its two-wheeled vehicle on a track was any more. Who could know
that our Mishka before lodging in a zoo, carried out years ten on the circus arena. And the bicycle was its favourite vehicle all these years.
the Governor with satellites serenely moved on an edge of the wood in which the owner of area had to get in fifteen minutes of the owner of a taiga. When that suddenly rolled on hunters, creaking pedals and ringing a bicycle call, in air very unambiguously began to smell sulfur.
the Bear, having seen people, threw the bicycle and, having risen on hinder legs of the beginnings as it was learned to dance in circus “ Mistress “. it grieved
to look At Semyon Afanasyevich. Shnur thoughtfully loaded the gun and shot in the air. The bear, without hesitation quickly disappeared in the wood from which it with such pomp appeared recently.
- That it was, - stammering a little, the governor asked.
- Me for some reason seems that all it seemed to us, - the head of administration tried to get out of an unpleasant situation.
- Perhaps, also seemed, - the governor agreed, - but to me something was already ceased to want to hunt. What at us is farther according to the program?
is the Next three hours while took a steam bath in a bath, ate pike perch fish soup and drank vodka, Kutuzov as could, smoothed down a situation. And it almost managed it. The governor became kinder again and, it seemed already and forgot about the bear riding on the local woods the bicycle and about the spoiled uniform. Unfortunately, Semyon Afanasyevich forgot about the program rest.
the governor entered in the Evening the building of local administration the first and from a threshold saw the bear costing a huge effigy on two paws holding in paws a tray on which the glass of vodka and a plateau with the marinated, crackling cucumbers comfortably settled down. The plate with an inscription hung on a neck at Toptygin:
“ Bear brown. Weight is 350 kg. It is got by the governor of N - sky area personally in the hunting ground “ Bogolyubovskoye “ Lyubomudrovsky district “.
the Governor approached, drank vodka and only wanted to pick up from a plate a cucumber as the Gipsy chorus standing sideways brought by the prosecutor from the neighboring area burst “ Hepp berzdey chu yu “!
So this history came to the end. Life in the area slowly entered the former course. The governor more to us did not zayezzhivat. The head of administration retired. Is closer than a bear to winter caught and sent back to a zoo. The aunt Zoya gave there was a claim in court on local government for damage of the bicycle of 200 rubles, but then changed the mind and withdrew the application back.