Can you forgive?
to us, adults, are to what to learn from children of preschool age - to forgive to a true art. Here they quarreled, fought - and already again peacefully play side by side. It occurs therefore, according to psychologists that the child is confident that the world is beautiful, and people in it are kind! The open and positive view of the world instantly forces to forget any offenses.
First of all, are advised by psychologists, it is necessary to reconcile with himself. For this purpose it is necessary to think less of bad and to protect memories of good. And also kindly to treat itself - the better, the world around will seem more benevolently.
Of course, the offense can arise for various reasons. “ At children everything is simple “ - you will tell, - “ and here at me... “ . Of course, you think, you, well as it could, I will not be able to forgive it... “
But it is much simpler to i to release the offense, than to be engaged in excessive self-criticism.
Let`s understand, why in general it is necessary to gain this ability - to forgive? whether Should exempt the offender from a remorse for perfect? But reflect that, first of all, we do irreparable harm to ourselves. Nature of emotions is important for mentality of the person, but not the one to whom they are addressed. Being offended, we carry on infinite dialogue with the offender, we make plans of vengeance and, thereby, we care and we cherish various negative emotions which will get out outside sooner or later, will be reflected in surrounding people and will return a boomerang in threefold volume to you. Besides, harboring malice against someone, we remain internally connected with the offender.
There is some kind of dependence: instead of forgiving and forgetting, offended voluntarily connects itself with the offender one thread. Therefore, ability to forgive - guarantee of peaceful co-existence with and surrounding people.
To forgive, unfortunately, not always means to reconcile and keep friendship , as at children. Happens that it is better to stop the relations for the benefit of tranquility of both parties. For example, treachery of the best friend or change of darling most often destroy trust and respect. In such cases to forgive and release the relations - the best option. Of course, it is not simple. To forgive the person, it is necessary to stake on its high qualities, but not on this bad act. However sometimes all - is better to tell at the same time “ I forgive “ and “ farewell “ not to feel subsequently still big disappointment.
I do not advise to forgive forcedly, under pressure of plaintive, hysterical requests of the offender for forgiveness. To get rid of the pain which collected and captured your soul, it should be realized. Speak the offense, write about the feelings, and then destroy written - it will help to get rid of negative emotions.
To forgive the person - means, first of all, to try to understand him. Sometimes can be asked even the one who does not try to make amends. Perhaps, the person realizes that his offense is so irreparable that is not subject to an apology and therefore does not try to restore with you the kind relations. Taking the first step, you return yourself a peace of mind and, perhaps, get the loyal friend in the person of the former enemy. Not at once, of course, the trust will be regained, but it is possible!
Only do not confuse “ forgiveness “ and “ justification “. you can forgive the offender, but at the same time not accept his act and not justify his behavior. Arriving differently, you, in effect, recognize that done you the harm could not arrive in a different way, and, thereby, actually deprive of it chance to change for the better.
Yes, all of us differently react to offense: one forget it easily, others long cannot get rid in themselves of feeling of pain, especially, if this pain is caused by close and dear people. But to forgive it is necessary to learn to find the world in soul and to construct the harmonious relations with people around. You do not hold offense neither on yourself, nor on others - so it is much easier to live. Be happy!