What is “ conflict of supercare “?
Always on our planet there was a so-called problem “ fathers and children “. At it there is a lot of aspects, and every year some fade into the background, some inflame like mad. Now gains more and more steam “ conflict of supercare “ .
If parents incorrectly estimate priorities of education of the child, it can lead to categorical consequences. From the social and psychological point of view the teenager - yet not the adult, but already and not the small child whom the senior generation got used to see a defenseless being with incorrect idea of world around. And if parents begin to sponsor the child with excessive enthusiasm, then it can lead to the fact that the adult will not be capable to live in society independently. Most often the conflict of supercare arises in families where the role of the father either is absent, or aspires to zero. Development of the conflict is promoted also by morbidity of the child in the early childhood when parents get used to continuous guardianship over it.
We will follow a simple example: In a family the child is born
. In the childhood he strongly is ill, besides grows without father. Eventually the boy develops, and physically differs in nothing from peers, but, nevertheless, in the relations with them is shy and excessively aloof. Begin to scoff at it as he just is not able to fight, to answer adequately attacks. Character such is that the boy absolutely has no vanity and pride, he tries to please without analysis to all, likes to hide for others backs. Sees off mother it in school (protects), does with it homework as the son cannot concentrate attention on training completely.
And then parents complain of lack of initiative, lack of interest in study, reticence, laziness, inability independently and independently to think, and a set of any problems connected with shyness and shyness of the child. At the address to psychological consultation, during passing of joint tests, psychologists notice such thing: mother tries to make all for the son, and his attempts to find own solution most often deviate or are frankly discredited as wrong. And at the same time the parent is proud of what is so active “ helps the son “ but does not notice that by the end of work the boy absolutely “ it is lost “ and does not even try to offer the options, and only obediently (as the Chinese bobblehead) agrees with imposed.
In this case we deal with appreciable errors of parental education, the wrong tactics of behavior which is called as supercontrol or supercare. Certainly, at early age (approximately till 4 - 5 years, but the earlier to cultivate in the child independence, the better) it is quite acceptable and it is even necessary, but as soon as the child matures, such excessive influence can become a brake for development of internal character, initiative, confidence and independence. As it turns out that mother of it does not see and, wishing to bring up the son “ real man “ continues to treat it as with an unreasonable baby bird?
The main reason is that parents, even without suspecting that, seek to keep by all means emotional proximity with the child, a gentle thread which reaches with all the heart the son for mother. A payment for such proximity is their interdependence which, apparently, is convenient to both: mother feels necessary, and the child just rolls in a peace of mind and psychological safety. But (!) the child sits out almost all the time in house “ nest “ without motivation of mother will not wash the dishes, will not clean the room, will not sit down at lessons. Without understanding the fault, the parent is angry with the child, and that, in turn, is nervous because that made something wrong. The social conflict which will not bring anything good to either that, or other party is available.
And escapes of this conflict last further away. The person who grew up in such family transfers model of own education to the children. But most often the scheme breaks, and between generations not the thread " is built; reciprocity “ and wall of mutual discontent. The parent seeks for active participation in the child`s life - wants to go with it to concerts and at cinema, to discuss favourite books, to together walk and spend time. And the beloved child aspires to friends, to construction of own inner world and is hostile to any pressing the identity.
What to do not to involve the child in a hole of psychological damage? Of course, the most effective is strengthening of man`s influence, firmer, not giving excess indulgences and not indulging each whim here. But, whatever was the situation in a family, adults have to think how their actions will respond on the child. First of all, it is necessary to remember that after five years the child begins to comprehend actively the world, human relationship, here he receives the first drink of independent life. And if anyway to limit it in it (to decide to be on friendly terms categorically with whom, where to go for a walk in what to write down section or a circle), then the problem will move to the following level. It does not mean that it is necessary to cease to control the child (by no means), but it is definitely useful to give a certain dose of the free choice and independent actions.
As soon as the child will go to school, it is important that he could be adequately among peers, not be closed in itself at the sight of so many strangers, here it is necessary to disclose his independence as much as possible (reasonably). On this period it is important not to lisp, but also to refuse mandative tone, and it is the best of all to state objectively an essence and the reason of a problem and to speak with it as equals, as with the adult. When the child makes the decision, you have to be near and are ready to discuss its initiative; to explain what is good and what is bad; if necessary to turn it in other party. Some things it is necessary to condemn strictly (smoking, alcohol, inadequacy, abuse), but it is obligatory to support the actions with harmonous logical conclusions and bright examples. If the child begins to revolt, having felt excessive freedom - slightly - slightly to his ostepenita the fact that refuse to do something, having referred to his independence. Besides, all this does not mean that it is not necessary to watch the child - an imperceptible look behind the back and timely intervention will never prevent.
Well, here and all minimum which needs to be known when the little individual grows in the house. Of course, in education there are many details, depending on psychological features of the child, but many of them without effort can be comprehended in process.