The girl from Texas
To stick out at the airport on December 31 - not the most pleasant occupation. Planes fly up and land, carrying people to the covered Russian salad and herring under a fur coat to tables. By long-legged stewardesses rush, tinting on the run lips and correcting tights. Unknown Katya on a public address system for the 100-th time urges Zhora Gobeladze who arrived from Hurghada to approach information bureau at which will probably remind of their quiet communication on the bank of the Red Sea. You are enveloped by some special festive atmosphere and devilishly pulls on romanticism, unexpected appointment, change of destiny in the forthcoming festive night. The only night in a year when can occur what the hell, but so nothing occurs. you wait for
at the beginning of the existence when parents allow not to sleep to peal of bells, and slowly do the first in life champagne drink under a table. In a couple of years already legally in the company of adults you stare till the morning in the TV screen. Then you run to celebrate from the house New Year on the apartment at the schoolmate and you receive in kitchen from the girl cutting salad, the first kiss or the first slap in the face. Here as to whom will carry.
in several years under the speech of the President begins and your future wife stops being given for peal of bells and already several spinogryz ache and ask to remain to twelve, and the most senior of them suppresses champagne under a table.
So under chiming clock, Russian salad, the President and a morning headache passes life. And you in the first day of new year turn on the TV, catch the channel with “ Twist of fate “ and for the 100-th time you endure adventures of the Moscow doctor in a Petersburg malogabaritka. You worry, understanding that there is no it and cannot be in modern life. Because modern life is lack of intelligence, money and the creative beginning. Whereas the antecedents were characterized only by lack of money.
Kostya Zhukov went the third hour to and fro. To and fro it went on the hall of an arrival “ Sheremetevo - 2 “ as other directions were blocked by protection of the airport. Kostya very much wanted to get on an airfield and to learn where got to “ The Boeing - 737 “ with the passenger Susan Marceau onboard. It is clear, that in “ " Boeing; there were also other passengers, but Zhukov was interested only that whose name was written by a red felt-tip pen on the plate, is useless the third hour dangling at it on a neck.
of the house waited for Kostya excessively - early - the grown stout wife, visit of the mother-in-law with thick-lipped dribbling kisses and a bottle of whisky presented by colleagues in June on birthday, but hidden by the spouse till a New Year`s Eve. At thought of whisky Kostya licked lips and for the 100-th time cursed about himself the unfamiliar passenger from the flight US - 548 “ To the Nye - York - Paris - Moscow “.
“ Interestingly, what it. Speak, all Americans terrible, talkative, not made up and it is universal frigid, - Zhukov reflected. - The devil pulled the Baba-yaga to send me to Sheremetevo under new year “.
the Baba-yaga according to the Kostiny version was his chief, very attractive in the past, - Nina Sergeyevna Gubareva. It, having caused morning of the personal driver Zhukov, ordered it to rush urgently in the airport and to meet there the best friend who took off from New - York and already coming in the land in Paris. - Call Susan. A surname - Marceau. You recognize the girl by a cowboy`s hat and an innocent look. Growth - is much higher than an average. - Nina Sergeyevna instructed on the run. - You will bring to Moscow and at once to Sanduny. We have an evening of a meeting of fighting girlfriends there. Also do not forget to learn English on the way to Sheremetevo! Zhukov saluted and decided about himself that his chief still absolutely even nothing.
- Hau du yu du, - Kostya from below up watched on at last very beautiful and stylishly dressed woman of years of twenty eight who approached it. - Welkom ying Moskou.
- Hi, the companion. You can not try and not tear language, I already half a year study Russian at the Illinois university. - The woman smiled so that everything nearby the standing passengers too immediately began to smile. - My name is Sue. I from the State of Texas, came to learn about your customs, ceremonies...
- Toasts, - did not keep Zhukov.
- Toasts. What is it?
is such custom. That guests quickly did not get drunk, at us at a table it is accepted to deliver speeches. But the more long the person speaks, the more he is not loved by the others.
- I not really understood why then to speak.
- So I explain that all audience drank less. Generally is Russia. Velkam, madam. Allow to inform of your things our car.
- Oh, of course. Where we will go.
- In a bath.
- the Bath. What there is a bath?
- the Meeting place of fighting girlfriends. There you will be beaten with a broom in very hot room called by a sweating room and to throw then in cold water. Try to derive pleasure at the same time.
The bath means to the Russian person much more, than the simple room about the ferry. The bath is a philosophy of the life given us in feelings. Tell how one American businessman who visited the Russian sweating room by the invitation of a certain large financial structure and hardly recovered after a rough hlestaniye a broom and bathings in an ice-hole, said:
- I understand now why Russians constantly said to me that after a bath to them it is so good!
- Why, - the large financial structure asked.
- Because in a bath it is so bad, - the American answered and asked to cause ambulance. In exchange to it brought girls from an escort of agency, sincerely believing that it and is the best means from an indisposition.
Sue got to Sandunovsky baths. Oh, this kingdom of the steamed-out female bodies, nearly only place in Moscow where the weaker sex, having gathered in pack, does not carry a make-up and does not try to look better, than is actually. The place where cellulitis is not hidden, and is proud show to all people around, the place where ladies become so available that this availability attracts nobody any more. The uncle Mischa worked the last twenty years as the bathhouse attendant in women`s office. For these years he saw enough everyone: dismantling from - for men, female hysterics from - for them, drunk hellbenders with a beating of ware and two times of the uncle Mischa.
- I do this world better, - the bathhouse attendant reflected, carrying beer on cabins, - women, splashing out the natural aggression in a bath, leave from us pure and pacified. They gain again ability to love and be darlings. The uncle Mischa, certainly, was right. A little in our world will be the men capable for so short time to make such number of women happy. And he did not come off the loser too. Any sultan or the padishah had no harem which staff was changed each two hours. The uncle Mischa was known and loved by all female Moscow.
And the Baba-yaga with girlfriends too. Every year on December 31 in the second class of Sandunovsky baths the meeting female " began; Club of lonely hearts “. Clubmen sincerely believed that if before New Year to descend in a bath, to drink and relax a little, then surely in festive night there will be something like that that will allow to miss the scheduled meeting the next year.
- the Uncle Mischa, two more beers and small fishes, - Nina Sergeyevna, having left a sweating room, cried out the order in hall depth and, having wrapped up in a sheet, failed on a bench.
- Oh, little girls, what grace. And where Sue?
- the Last time I observed it at a dock apron, - spoke in a bass Lyusya, the full-chested blonde of years of thirty out of a bath holding a position of the director of shop of building materials. - As if to us not to ruin the American ahead of time.
- Anything, it from Texas. And Texas, as we know, homeland of cowboys. - Nina Sergeyevna blew off a thick layer of foam from a mug of the beer brought by the bathhouse attendant. to
- What your girlfriend in Russia - that was required. Moreover on New Year`s Eve? - the constant secretary of club, the eternal old maid Sonechka Goryacheva took an interest. It was younger than the director of shop of building materials for three years, but already davny - long ago gave up as a bad job the relations with an opposite sex. Sonechka sincerely believed that all princes and the real men in the country are sorted long ago, and there was no wish to marry office boy or the eternal mamenky sonny to her.
- Came to write the diploma about the Russian customs. Besides her groom in Kosmos hotel waits.
- Yes, well. Russian?
- ours. The businessman from Tyumen. Specially to Moscow arrives to meet New year and exactly in 12 to make Sue the proposal.
- Here an infection, your girlfriend. There are not enough men, so also Americans take away them. - Sonechka sighed. - Why the world around is so unfair to us. As the woman beautiful - it all rights, and as clever - only duties!
- Yes, girls, something in this world not so, - Lyusya rose on scales and those began to creak. - So many kilogram of live weight vanishes in vain!
appeared the uncle Mischa holding naked Susan on hands Here.
- your young lady?
- ours, the uncle Mischa, put on a bench.
Nina Sergeyevna swelled up and began by a towel to brush away the American.
- Where you found it?
- Tried to break in men`s office. The trifle got lost. You, the girl, more in a sweating room do not drive her.
- Yes we leave as it is soon. It is time to dress up by a holiday. - Sonechka answered and suddenly drove the bathhouse attendant into the corner. - Here you, the uncle Mischa, one of the best judges of female anatomy in Moscow...
the Bathhouse attendant proudly became straight.
- Without everyones. Tell us, oh, the great expert what rules the world: case or order?
- Of course, an order. If I did not keep this order in the office entrusted to me, you would organize such sabbath here. Order and only order. All year, but only not on December 31.
- And this there - disappointedly exhaled Sonechk. - When cease to poison us with tales of princes on New Year`s Eve, about casual meetings, love at first sight.
- It is necessary to trust, the girl. To trust and wait. - Suddenly there was serious an uncle Mischa. - At me personally each New Year`s Eve such adventures with the young ladies who did not come back home from a bath!
- Yes well you, I is serious, and you tell about excess of the official position of a baize. I want to check, at least on the example of our American whether plays a case though some role on December 31.
- And as it will look. - Lyusya took an interest.
- Everything is very simple. All of you consider that it has to be in Kosmos hotel today and at 12 o`clock in the morning to accept the proposal of the cool Tyumen businessman to become his wife?
- it is unconditional, and I see at all nothing that can prevent it in it, - Nina Sergeyevna was surprised.
- Well, we will look. We several years as silly women, go to this bath and all we hope, hope. The devil would pobrat Ryazanov with his cinema. Let`s look that the destiny this time prepared for our guest from the State of Texas nice for the past. Here, apparently, and she recovers.
was distributed groan At this time - Susan opened eyes.
- Where I?
- In Russia, the child. - Nina Sergeyevna smiled. - Get up, Sue, you to marry still today. In half an hour when all gathered and, already was, stretched to an exit, Sue suddenly remembered from the training program of the Illinois university that...
- Nina, I know that in Russia there is one wonderful drink. I very much want to try it, but forgot how it is correct to call it.
- So it without problems. Really, only in Russia there is this wonderful drink. You are sure that you want to try it?
- Of course, I all flight dreamed of it.
- is good. Only, chur, then not to take offense at me. Nina Sergeyevna called the uncle Mischa and whispered something to him on an ear. The face of the uncle Mischa was with astonishment extended, but he did not begin to object as he got used to various eccentricities of inhabitants of the harem.
- the Ainu the moment, madams. He brought big a floor - a liter mug and stretched it to the American. Sue smelled contents, frowned and said the Russia`s first toast.
- My dear Moscow young ladies. I am so happy that I remained live after this your torture chamber. Only now I begin to understand mysterious Russian soul. I already know that if to say long toasts in your country, then it is possible to risk the health strongly. I know that I have to drink your mysterious Russian drink to the bottom, otherwise I will not be uvazhivat here, - Syuzen, having exhaled, drank off all contents of a mug, led round the dimmed look the second office of Sandunovsky baths and failed on the bathhouse attendant who was in time to hold up hands.
- Ninka, you what gave it, - Lyusya who is much surprised with the events whispered.
- That Sue also asked - a ruff.
- it seems to me, she meant kvass, - the director of shop of building materials thoughtfully said.
Here so the bad knowledge of Russian the American young lady also laid the foundation of New Year`s history in which all heroes, certainly, positive even if they also are capable of harmful acts. Only on December 31 everything that becomes - all to the best. Further events we will consider
with small acceleration of the narration. New year promptly comes, already to sit down to a holiday table soon. And salads are not cut yet, the evening dress is not ironed and even the fir-tree still lonely costs in the middle of the room without toys and the serpentine. Therefore - quickly, quickly and even quicker.
Here delegation of women from " club; Lonely hearts “ leaves Sandunovsky baths. In the head of the delegation the uncle Mischa bearing on hands temporarily fainted from a bath and the Russian ruff of Susan Marceau solemnly strides.
Here Nina Sergeyevna gives an order to the driver Kostya Zhukov to fly to her house on Plyushchikha, and, then to part girls to the addresses specified by it and to deliver then Susan to the groom.
Here and Sonechka Goryacheva, ah, these women living without men winks the girlfriend Luce and in a whisper suggests it to arrange test for the American.
- At me in a handbag lie keys from three apartments. Before New year I leased these apartments to couples in love. Just overwhelming demand was on cozy nests. You will pull out at random any set of keys now, and we will check whether there will be an American our Russian guy in marriage today or the century to cuckoo it in maidens.
Already the driver is given an assignment to bring Sue to the suburb of Moscow to the residential district Mitino that is directly behind the belt road.
- Kostya, take keys and bring our American girlfriend towards to her happiness.
- Sofya Arkadyevna, the Baba-yaga, oh, forgive me - Nina Sergeyevna told something about " hotel; Space “.
- Everything exchanged. Fight - the friend Susan moved to the apartment of the friend to Mitino. There to them will be cozier. You will open a door, you will leave the American and quickly - quickly back. On the road do not awake it, it is not necessary. By the way, I saw at you in a luggage carrier a suit of Father Frost …
Oh this female bitchiness. Well, apparently, that from the fact that the girlfriend of the girlfriend has to marry, become happy and give birth to two boys and one girl subsequently. To us all the same not to understand them. Therefore we will not awake Susan, let everything go as goes and so far Kostya Zhukov is torn through the Moscow traffic jams, we will be transferred to the residential district Mitino, on Stroiteley Street, house 15, apartment the 67, seventh floor, to the right. On a visit to Yemelyan Ivanovich Gromov who takes a bath at present and as it seems to us, does not suspect what New Year`s surprise was prepared for it destiny.
Gromov Yemelyan Ivanovich in forty eight years was high, beautiful, successful in affairs and is absolutely disappointed in women. Not that they did not love it. It is rather on the contrary. Loved, but at all not as Gromov wanted. He was three times married and, respectively, is three times divorced. Each of the wives Yemelyan Ivanovich left everything, krohm of a treasured small suitcase in which documents, spare car keys, a razor, two pairs of pants, socks and Hemingway`s book " lay; For Whom the Bell Tolls “.
Thunders was At present on a threshold of the following marriage and gathered today, having left a bathtub and, having put on the best, English suit with without restraint expensive tie this threshold to cross. Yemelyan Ivanovich found the new darling through marriage agency. The previous three unsuccessful attempts were perfect only on love therefore Thunders decided to exclude all emotional components of marriage and to work only by sober calculation.
It long touched possible options and stopped on “ 35 years, without addictions, I like to cook. Not the bitch “. The last circumstance bribed Yemelyan and he, having appointed on the rental apartment meeting of the passion exactly at 10 in the evening on December 31, solved, without looking to marry once again. Without looking in literal sense because what time to lose. The lottery is also a lottery. Will carry - you will catch up with a heart attack. Will not carry - it will catch up with you. However, all this not the necessary philosophy. That is, of course, necessary, but not on New Year`s Eve in anticipation of which it is accepted to give gifts, for example. Earlier to men gave electrorazors with floating edges, … to
Yemelyan Ivanovich now, having put shaving foam on the face beaten by time, heard some suspicious sound through water noise. Having taken out a body from a bathtub, he came up in a hall and, wiping eyes, in the room twilight saw the man leaving the apartment in a red fur coat, with a big white beard, with a bag on a shoulder.
In response to puzzly opened mouth, the man joyfully cried out:
- Also should not thank me. Itself would not refuse such, here only I am rather afraid of the Nyurka.
the Door to the apartment and Yemelyan Ivanovich`s mouth slammed at the same time.
of Thunders, leaving wet marks on a floor it is careful, looking around, passed to the hall. There directly on a big sofa young and very beautiful woman sprawlingly reclined. Such beautiful that Thunders even began to blink often - often from admiration.
the Woman was drunk.
Yemelyan guessed at once it as the real man under fifty has to be able to define a condition of the woman with a floor - a look and a floor - an exhalation.
Yemelyan bent down and sniffed. From the stranger bore a habitual smell of beer.
of Thunders for a while forgot about everything, so it was struck by current situation. He forgot and about the future bride who was already whole minute on the threshold of a drawing room and with interest examined a naked bum of the potential groom.
- Tuk. Tuk. Sorry, the door was open. I did not prevent? Yemelyan jumped up
, as stung, and with feeling of deep bewilderment stared at the entered woman, obviously, at all without recognizing her. However, this property is characteristic of men and it is very difficult us, the right to judge for it. The woman from the catalog of marriage agency and the woman in nature are two different women.
- you who?
- I that to which, judging by ardent telephone negotiations, in half an hour the proposal of a hand and heart will be made. If, of course, my elect puts on, become kinder and will explain, appearance of this young person on our future sleeping bed is desirable truthfully. of
- I Am afraid that you will not believe, but it was just brought by Father Frost. there is no
- why I will not believe. At Father Frost gifts ended, and he decided to leave here the Snow Maiden whom it was rolled so up by festive efforts that at once fell asleep. Here that, my dear unaccomplished groom. I as the full silly woman, prepared all week for this meeting. Sheelah a New Year`s dress, finally left Shurik Gurevich from Odintsovo and prepared the whole pan of Russian salad. Farewell!
the Slap in the face coincided with knock of the closed door.
Yemelyan sighed and approached a mirror. The unaccomplished groom with the physiognomy covered on one cheek with foam looked at it.
- Put, however.
rang out phone At this time. The sound proceeded from the female handbag thrown near a bed. Yemelyan, having thought, decided to answer. Perhaps, he all - will understand in the circumstances!
- Who it, - in a tube was distributed an uneasy man`s baritone.
- And where Susan. It is Susan Marceau`s phone?
- I do not know, what is her name. But you, obviously, want to hear a voice not the of absolutely sober girl who subdued my sofa. The girl who was brought recently by Father Frost and near whom I just with a naked bum lost the bride?
- you are drunk? there is no
- Yet, but everything goes to it. Listen, you can distinctly explain what occurs.
- Yet I do not know. Tell, your drunk girl has a right cheek birthmark?
- Can eat, but she sleeps just on the right side, and it is somehow awkward to awake her. Girl not too bad at all, high growth, short hairdress, black hair. In a handbag at it documents. Yes, addressed to Suzen Marceau and the photo of some idiot on “ " Mercedes;.
- Apparently - this idiot I. Report to the girl when she wakes up that everything is cancelled and the wedding will not be. Happy New Year!
So throughout very short time the scenario of life can break. The scenario which long and laboriously prepares. The main idea is looked for, dialogues of the main characters carefully register, interesting details are tried to discover. And, suddenly, the chief director comes and throws out already ready and approved by Glavlit work in a basket and solemnly declares to a film crew that they will shoot absolutely other film.
Also other audience will watch it absolutely.