Rus Articles Journal

How to hunt a hippopotamus on the Volga River

Prokhor Gromov woke up, as usual, at six in the morning. He lay on a back, examining a ceiling stucco molding, and tried to remember yesterday events. In the opinion of Gromov sparks of night salute still sparkled, and in ears drunk shouts of guests " for some reason climbed; Bitterly .

If shouted Bitterly means there was a wedding - Prokhor tried to build a logical chain. - If walked a wedding, then Gromov having carefully turned, saw the female head attached on a pillow charming, quietly snuffling.

Then from - under blankets seemed the tiny handle and fell on the hairy, endured aggressive feeble efforts of a great number of women Prokhor`s breast. On an anonymous finger the wedding ringlet with small, but crystal-clear diamond sparkled.

Gromov, having sliped to edge of an infinite bed, got rid of unexpected guardianship. Rose, having put on a dressing gown a naked body, came to a porch. Despite early hour, life in the estate already boiled. The gardeners who are written out recently from Paris cut bushes of a green hedge, turning rural greens into fancy figures. The equerry walked Caesar - a favourite stallion of Gromov. Servants brought order outside.

All were at business, and it could not but please Prokhor Petrovich Gromov - the oligarch of the regional scale living the last several years in the former noble estate of counts Sheremetev remade under tastes of today.

- Senka, stand, the rascal such, - Gromov caught for an ear of the teenager running by. - Tell quickly what was yesterday. Senka, as, however, and all other servants perfectly knew feature of the Owner to forget all previous events for the morning, accurately moderately the abilities reported:

- So, so married you, Prokhor Petrovich, on Svetlana I do not remember a middle name, but beautiful.

- Married, speak, - Gromov growled, - and otkel this without middle name undertook?

- So vcheras with one of guests was. It was pleasant it is visible at once, here you and with the offer of a hand and heart.

- And it?

- the Matter of course, fell in love with you at once and as a ringlet with a pebble of a uvidal, and ran as crazy on the yard, all shouted something.

- And I?

- you told it, ask what you want a gift on a wedding.

- Well and what asked - that?

- Yes on a trifle all. Told that never on hunting happened. Not simple, and this, how it, sugar what - whether

- the Safari, - gloomy corrected Senka Gromov, - further - what was?

- is farther you to guests declared that tomorrow evening there will be grandiose this a safari, all have to be with guns, even the governor. The appearance is obligatory and who will not come, you personally to Volga from a slope lower that.

- Affairs, - Prokhor Petrovich took a huge mug of kvass from the tray which is obligingly brought by the domestic maid and one volley reduced by half it. - On whom though to hunt - that we will be.

- On a hippopotamus, the Owner. All of you offered Svetlana middle names did not remember on an elephant or there on a tiger, and she rested. I want a pier on a hippopotamus whom on the TV saw in Fauna and all here.

- From where we have on Volga a hippopotamus - that will undertake moreover and tonight, - Gromov reflected.

- So carry already. Yesterday guests began you, the Owner to pin up supposedly poorly sugar it to arrange, well and

- That well and? Give do not pull, spread everything as on spirit, the rascal juvenile!

- to Nikita Sidorychu, our managing director of money left the whole bag and ordered to Moscow to BMW to go for a hippopotamus, and without it will return, so too to Volga from a slope lower. Sidorych at night already called. Found supposedly in a capital zoo, employed KAMAZ, the crane shipped, by the evening promised to be today.


A hippopotamus Kesha lived in a capital zoo twenty years. The hippopotamus lived for the sake of children. It for fun frightened them, opening a huge mouth, they did that are afraid, and in Keshin bread and bananas threw then the pool. The hippopotamus hated neither that nor another, but rules of the game were that, and Kesha politely bowed to each gift.

When near the pool appeared late at night some strangers, Kesha pricked up the ears. Who a pier dared to break my rest which is honestly earned in the afternoon !

But people did not pay any attention to it. They shouted, beat each other shoulders. One, fat bald little man tried to hand everything to another in which Kesha recognized his person feeding sometimes, a thick roll of money. That refused to take all the time them, but when the pack increased several times, the bargaining stopped. To the pool drove a huge cage, and here Kesha felt terrible pain. He did not know that it was the jolt of electricity, did not know that it was just sold. It was just painful to him, and Kesha obediently jerked towards a cage which slammed at once. People adjusted the big crane which having lifted a cage in air, lowered it on an automobile platform. The platform was quickly wrapped up with an awning and KAMAZ with a hippopotamus started in long travel on the coast of Volga.


Nikita Sidorovich Kuzyakin, the former colonel of FSB, and nowadays operating Gromov`s estate was quite happy with himself. It often carried out different, sometimes the most delicate orders of the Owner, but this, the last! To find in one day of a hippopotamus, even at unlimited financial opportunities The main thing - it`s done. Behind KAMAZ with valuable freight follows its BMW. Ahead - favor of the chief and rather big, apparently, award. Kind reflections ended when Kuzyakin did not find the truck in a rear-view mirror. It sharply developed the car and rushed off back. KAMAZ stood on a roadside, the driver Serega kicked slopes.

- What we cost for whom we wait, - Nikita Sidorovich politely took an interest.

- Arrived, the chief, jammed a box. - Serega lit. - Quickly you will not repair, it is necessary to look for a tow and on service.

Kuzyakin turned white:

- And a hippopotamus?

- In its water is necessary so far, and that a heat what. I am afraid, will die. Nikita Sidorovich for a moment presented to

how it will bring on a safari of a dead hippopotamus and to it it became rather terrible. He perfectly knew a habit, the Owner, fast on punishment.

Was lucky. Nearby there was a cafe for long-distance truck drivers in which the driver of MAZA - the truck crane had supper. After the short negotiations supported with a solid roll of money he agreed to tow off a hippopotamus to the next reservoir. Near a small lake the crane dexterously picked up a cage and thumped it in water.

- the Order, - rubbed Serega`s hands. - Will live.

- Will be, is only short, - Kuzyakin grumbled. - You here postorozh, and I will go to natives behind car.

Passed several hours. Kuzyakin having reached the next regional center, rented in a motor transport service To Skany and the truck crane also arrived to the coast of the lake. Serega had already a rest on a grass. Near it there was a drunk not enough vodka bottle.

It is lucky the person - with grief Nikita Sidorovich thought, and ordered the crane operator:

- Vira pomalu!

the Cage began to creep out slowly from - under waters. Kuzyakin`s face got an unhealthy cyanotic shade - in a cage was nobody. Serega`s

hiccupped stretched it a bottle. Nikita Sidorovich keeping the eyes glued on a cage it was put and in several drinks drank up vodka.

- Where, this swine tolstozhopy? - to See

when unloaded, locks damaged, - Serega scratched a nape, - here it also left. Do not worry, the chief. Small - by the morning we will catch the lake.

- You on what was going to catch a hippopotamus, the idiot. On a worm or can on a maggot!

- From where I know. What hippopotamuses - that love?

Kuzyakin sighed, grabbed heart and slowly fell by the earth.

- All this, is the end. Serega`s

reflected. - Let`s a govnovozk adjust

, it by the morning water will extort

Here the crane operator put in a ward.

- Nothing at you, men will turn out. You will not extort Volga, tea.

- What, nakhren Volga, - turned white Kuzyakin.

- What, what. Tu that flows into the Caspian Sea. I well know this lake, it has a pass to Volga. Now your hippopotamus where - nibud near Astrakhan should be caught. If, of course, passes locks.

Kuzyakin picked up a stone from the earth and threw in the crane operator, but did not get.


There came hour of a safari. All color of regional administration and local business gathered in the estate at Gromov. All were excited by the forthcoming hunting - every day it is possible to do some shooting in a hippopotamus.

On a clearing where hunters gathered tables with vodka and rich snack were laid. Tables quickly became empty, but domestic brought all new and new entertainments. Excitement of hunters was transferred to ten Russian borzois which on leads several huntsmen hardly held.

- Go, go, - the flock of boys a whirlwind rushed on a glade. After children seemed to Kuzyakin`s BMW.

is that - the hippopotamus on the foreign car is carried, - the governor joked. He joked in a complete silence as everything, even borzois, became silent, having realized that something happened.

left BMW Nikita Sidorovich, reeling approached Gromov and fell on knees. - Forgive to

, Prokhor Petrovich. I did not take a trophy to you. Sbeg it on the road. Gromov silently watched

at the managing director. It was visible that it in rage. Having fastidiously kicked Kuzyakin with a boot sock, he turned back to guests.

- Dear sirs! I promised you a safari what was not in our corner of the world yet. Promised, and you tell now that Gromov told lies to you. And so Gromova are not able to lie! Now you will see hunting, but not on a hippopotamus. Senka, give the gun. to

the Owner, having taken a double-barreled gun, approached Kuzyakin.

- Well, Nikita Sidorovich. You served me faithfully and now blundered. You know rules of the game. Run I give you ten seconds of odds. Time, two

Kuzyakin swelled up and winding as the hare, ran on a glade.

- Three, four. The prosecutor, go here. Well - bend down. - Gromov attached the gun on the back which is obligingly held up by the prosecutor of the region. - Yes do not shiver you,

you do not allow to aim. - Ten!

Was distributed a shot. The managing director fell. Gromov threw the gun into a grass, approached a little table, poured a glass of vodka, drank off its one, has a snack on a piece of smoked fat. Then, having approached the governor, wiped hands about his camouflage jacket.

- So - that here, misters. Show iz must go. What you calmed down. You have fun. Give music, music.

Then, having approached the prosecutor, took it for folds, attracted to itself and quietly told. - you Will issue

accident. Got that.

the Prosecutor closed eyes in agreement.


There passed three days. Gromov bitter and nobody to himself admitted all this time of saws. The young wife with a crash was expelled from the estate, the ware all is killed, the furniture is broken, servants were hidden on corners, trying not to catch sight to the Owner.

At last, came saturation. As Prokhor Petrovich tried, vodka did not climb any more. Then Gromov went to Volga. He undressed and sazhenka quickly left on the middle of the river. There turned over on a back and long - long lay not movably, examining the seagulls who were flying by by.

Suddenly, he felt on himself someone`s look. Having turned over on a stomach, Prokhor saw before himself a muzzle of a hippopotamus, exactly, as on the TV in a " broadcast; Round the world .

The person and an animal silently looked at each other and understood that the safari all - will take place.