Why ask for suggestions friends?
Probably, more than once you got into situation when acquaintances asked you for suggestions - how to arrive in this or that situation? And you honestly tried to penetrate into a problem and something to help.
Or the best friend (girlfriend) in the middle of the night called to share with you the problems and to ask: what to do? Honestly trying to understand about what actually the speech, and at the same time not to fall asleep, you sit two hours with a tube at an ear. And when you try to give advice for which from you and waited, in reply you hear that nothing was understood, and at all to you, probably, all this is uninteresting.
Even if council and with gratitude was accepted how many from your acquaintances followed it? And how many, having followed and having been disappointed in result (that is without having received what was wished secretly), accused you of an emotional impoverishment, or in general of purposely wrong council? It is good if it was not. Then it is possible to call you the happy person. Well, and if was? You reproach yourself that got into others life (forgetting at the same time that you were begged literally about it), sense of guilt appears. Agree, not such unusual occurrence? whether
So should give advice to friends and acquaintances? The empathy, is good it or it is bad? In the west of people, getting into a difficult situation, goes to the psychotherapist. And at us - to the best friend. So in what a difference?
the Psychotherapist, as a rule - the professional psychologist who, having listened to you, gives consultation, based on strictly scientific, checked by time techniques. And as the person, he can hold the opposite opinion and as the doctor is obliged to make the recommendation which, first of all, will not do much harm to the patient.
the Friend whom you ask for suggestions not the professional, and is guided, first of all, by the opinion based on personal experience and understanding that it is good and what is bad. Opinion it is subjective and in no small measure depends on the relation personally to you. Whereas the psychotherapist is objective. (At least, has to be). You, probably, and noticed that with strangers it is simpler to speak, than with acquaintances. With the person whom you see the first time and hardly you will see still, it is simpler to talk and to reveal to it some secrets. I do not say that it occurs always, but it, nevertheless, not a rarity.
So why we are forced to listen to others problems, without being either professionals, or psychologists? Here, in my opinion, the fact that we always nearby, and those friends that address us, got used to shift the problems to others plays a large role, without reflecting whether it is necessary. For them there is no such question. A habit that all have to help them and preserve, most likely, it is put since the childhood. Such people are similar to vampires, the main thing to satisfy with it the hunger, in this case communication hunger and as we feel, to them is uninteresting. By the way, most of such people will not follow your advice, they have enough already of the fact that listened to them.
I what to do? Education does not allow to push away, to listen and penetrate constantly - there are no forces. To try it is simple not to listen - you will be accused of an emotional impoverishment and callousness! I have no answer. Itself I try to listen and help, in process of forces. But sometimes and there is a wish “ to send “ in total to … to the psychotherapist or the psychiatrist. By the way, the difference between the psychotherapist and the friend also that the psychotherapist receives money for the work, and the friend does everything free of charge. Perhaps in it and the reason why address friends more often? Economy!
Ya not the psychologist, also I do not apply for this rank. Just decided to share the problems with friends. However, not by phone, and not at two o`clock in the morning, but this business reparable, leave the number, and I surely will call you! You do not want? And it is correct!