How to relieve the firstborn of feeling of jealousy, or In a family there was the second child of
of feeling which the first child in connection with emergence in a family of the baby has, many mothers most often do not understand and do not notice. It is children`s jealousy. Parents cannot admit it even to themselves, and therefore, without reflecting, hurry to explain behavior of the senior kid with his feeling to selfless love to the newborn or a carelessness if the firstborn tries not to notice the new family member. Such delusions can intrude upon further a harmony and leisure of all family members.
Unfortunately, happens very difficult to inspire in some parents how destructive for formation of the identity of the first kid can become feeling of jealousy of the second child in a family. It is still too small to plunge into reading the book or to disappear from the house with friends. All life of the child is connected with parents. But suddenly he felt: with emergence in a family of the baby they as if forgot about it, about the first child. Training of the firstborn for the birth of the kid needs to be begun when mother is in “ interesting situation “. But there is a number of subtleties to which you have to pay attention. In - the first, it is age of your kid.
it is As if patient mother told the one-year-old child about the forthcoming event, all the same he plainly will understand nothing. Perhaps, he vaguely will imagine something when he sees the prepared bed and the newborn`s dowry, but will not be able to comprehend such event. Probably, it would be interesting to it to listen to books about kids. The child at this age still is not ready at all to manifestation of feelings when he sees mother with the new kid. However parents should make in the house necessary shifts several months prior to appearance of the baby that the first child did not feel moved, as if his rival appeared.
Many small children react to appearance of other kid actions which psychiatrists consider as if as a step backwards - in a stage of infantile development when the child finds calm and safety. Usually it is shown that the kid demands a pacifier again, urinates in a bed at night, starts over again that mother fed him burring, asking. The behavior he tries “ to protect “ rights of the firstborn. The similar phenomena meet enough - often. If they proceed at the child not for long as parents treated them seriously, then it is possible not to worry about development of the kid. If symptoms of jealousy are brightly expressed and the behavior of the child is similar to whims of the baby, then it is necessary to ask for the help the psychiatrist.
The desire to play a role of the parent to three-year age is usually expressed at children quite poorly. Parents should watch closely behavior of the senior child, especially if he is less than three years old. From - for the fact that it can hurt the kid mother should be always on the alert. If she is busy on economy, and the kid sleeps, then it is the best of all to close a nursery so that the senior child could not come there. And he sometimes so wants to do, surprise something mother or maybe to offend the family member, new, unexpected for it. It is impossible to forget that your senior child is too small and needs protection even from itself.
of Supervision demonstrate years that at the first child the impression as if parents exist only for it is quite often made. Such kids perceive the new baby with some, maybe, even imperceptible for people around, hostility. However the child who got used to communicate with other children less dependent on mother, meets changes in a family more quietly.
To four-year age children feel more adult, less dependent on the parents therefore at emergence in the house of the baby of sharp changes in their behavior most often it is not observed.
But the only child in a family most often very long feels like the kid as constantly say to him that he will once grow up, but day by day, from month to month he does not see changes in relation to himself. And appearance of the baby forces it to see itself somehow in a new way. He suddenly begins to realize that it is not similar to again appeared kid any more, and seeks to resemble the adult. Of course, it still quite often has a desire to return back, to a condition of the kid, but at the same time the consciousness forces it to move forward.
Parents need to help the child with similar situations. He has to feel pride if mother draws its attention from time to time that the little brother or the little sister still is able nothing. It is necessary to explain to the child that the baby so far only also is able - to drink milk and to cry.
The senior child can sometimes compare himself to the baby and ask from parents confirmation to the fact that he is stronger and cleverer than it. However to mother everything is you should not compare the children aloud. Parental comparisons only aggravate rivalry. The child can have a thought that parents among children have favourites. It is better to remind the child from time to time of how it is difficult to be the baby (from the point of view of the baby) and as it is good to be the senior child (from the point of view of the same baby).
Boys and girls aged from three till six years usually very much like to represent mother and the father. If appearance of the baby causes aggression in the senior child, then mother can restore balance, stimulating at it desire, to play in “ parent “. The child can avoid painful rivalry if inspires in itself that he was above infantile age long ago. He begins to convince himself of what does not belong to the same category what his little brother or the sister treats. His children`s jealousy, thus, is replaced with feeling, more similar to adult altruism.
Such methods of education are well-known to many parents. They call the baby “ our kid “ and trust the senior child important tasks: to bring a pacifier from the refrigerator or a pure diaper from a locker. The child helps mother to wipe the kid after bathing, looks behind it when mother is busy or left the room. Tactful mother daily thinks out tens of ways helping the child to understand that “ he together with mother does common cause “ even if its participation is actually more hindrance, than help. Through some time the child begins to give really essential help.
But also in these situations there are certain restrictions. For example, it is impossible to allow the senior child to carry the baby on hands. Not to risk, it is necessary to put the senior child on a sofa or on a floor and to allow it to be taken for the kid. The child needs to inspire that he cannot take the kid on hands without permission and supervision of parents.
Besides, children it is impossible to force to play a parental role throughout the day. The child has to have enough time to be with the peers, to play and potter with friends. Parents should not put some idea too to the senior child how it is interesting to be engaged in the kid. It is necessary to consider that the child who from a role of the jealous brother or the sister passes to a role of the angry and irritable parent in the future most often becomes torture both for the friends, and for younger brothers and sisters.
For all occasions it is impossible to give advice therefore parents have to rely first of all on the step and attentiveness. The main thing - to avoid excessive enthusiasm and exclusive attention in relation to the new child. It is sometimes difficult to be observed because newborn babies cause boundless tenderness in mothers and fathers, and grandmothers and grandfathers have an impetuous delight. Tender feelings of parents, their reasonable love are one of the strongest sources influencing normal development of the child. I wish good luck and patience!