What is parental provocations? The children`s lie of
Children`s lie of which often complain parents of the children approaching school age is also in most cases provoked by parents.
We will consider as lie further only those cases when the child consciously tells a lie. When the child believes in what he speaks about, sincerely considers the words as truth or itself underwent deception, has no relation to lie.
We will consider the most typical cases.
For example, the grandmother asks the father to take out seedling on the dacha. The father refuses flatly - he on Saturday should be at work, there was an unforeseen work involving all hands. There comes Saturday, the child runs to roll about with mother, but with surprise finds under a flank in mother anywhere not hurrying father. Time goes, the lunch approaches, and the father does not hurry at all. The kid, of course, is very glad, but how there the grandmother with the seedling? The child very much loves both the grandmother, and the father, to the baby is very difficult to understand the events. But who has then the right to catch the child on lie when he does not want to do something? Acting this way, the son only assimilates to the father, becomes similar to him.
Too severe punishment for small offenses becomes frequent a provocative factor for children`s lie. If, for example, the child, running on the room, unintentionally dropped a vase. It broke. When something similar occurred last time, something unimaginable was created at home: mother cried and shouted at the father, the kid was severely spanked and stood in the corner thoroughly and for a long time. Of course, nobody does not want the repetition passed. Therefore the kid fondly believes if he denies everything, then all will think that the valuable and fragile thing fell by itself. Mother, of course, will shout, probably, but to splash and stand in the corner there will be nobody - the vase fell itself …
Sometimes happens so that parents, wishing to bring up in the child the best qualities - honesty, endurance, firmness, consciously subject to the child to a temptation. For example, favourite candies are put in a vase on a table, are in free access of the child, is constant at it in the eyes, but to the kid the unambiguous instruction of candies till a lunch is allowed not to touch. The kid continually runs by a vase, devours sweets with the eyes, suddenly in one of “flights“ on the room, candy “incidentally“ appears in hands, itself is exempted from a candy wrapper and jumps in a mouth … When the adult enters, sees candy wrappers instead of candies. The situation is unambiguous, but at such moments it is important to adult to hear the answer of the child: who ate sweets? If candies appeared in access for the child intentionally and also if provocation takes place not for the first time, then most likely, the child, feeling a dirty trick, will deny the participation in candy wrappers. If candies appeared where appeared, incidentally, do not punish the child is superfluous severely for offenses, parents in general are not inclined to provocations, then they have a chance to receive the honest answer to the question.
The preschool child has magic thinking - it is represented to it that the world is obedient his ox, events take place or do not take place, submitting to his desire. It is age feature of children of 4 - 6 years. If to call this feature tendency to lies, then it is possible to receive the child who will consider himself as the liar not capable to oppose to manifestation of the tendencies and who is ready to deceive where in it there is no special need.
Parental conviction - “all children lie“ - is capable to do all family a disservice. For example, the teenager`s mother every time at return of the son home intensively sniffs to the son and to his clothes, sincerely considering that each boy surely will try to drink and smoke sooner or later if mother does not show vigilance. If mother performs the ritual defiantly, accompanying it with threats in case of detection of a smell, then she, in fact, does not leave to the child of the choice. “It is necessary to smoke, mother all the same considers that I either already smoke, or here - here I will try!“ Not to afflict mother enduring disappointment because that her parental intuition glitches the child tries to smoke. But usually denies presence at itself of this addiction, it is demanded by the settled rules of the game with parents.
Of course, parental provocation you should not underestimate here not the only condition of formation of an addiction, however its influence.
Thus, one may say, that mainly depends on parents how truthful the child will grow up. Why children lie? Because they are usually provoked to it by parents …