Why we remember and we forget about darlings?
Each reminiscence are an occasion to remember each detail even better. Who could think that interruption of human relations, partings and new meetings, half-words and illusions is a fuel which supports fire and thirst of new meetings. And if the situation when you leave the person is familiar to you and you meet million number of times, and something pulls to each other inexplicable as if a magnet, then this research of “mystical repetitions of meetings“ is devoted to you …
In psychology there is such known phenomenon - “ effect Zeygarnik “ which says that that information which is connected with the remained unfinished action in the past is better remembered. That is, if you began the novel, but for some reasons was torn off (owing to the geographical reasons - you live in the different countries, or, say, it was the holiday romance which term of life is obviously limited …), then it has more chances to be late in your memoirs. And if it is supported with calls or periodic meetings, then the chain “obryvaniye - continuations“ will go further away to the future of “memorable“ events. For this reason, the Soviet psychologist of Blum Zeygarnik advises to finish all relations, to be able to put an end if we do not seek to tighten them both to prolong in time and to stretch for years. However, if you realize the novels and vlyublennost and intentionally want to remember them and to live them, feeding with calls, meetings and in distance, then, knowing about “effect Zeygarnik“, you will manage to keep it both in memory, and in life! And sceptics will hardly be able to contradict existence of love and the relations at distance from now on. The philosopher La Rochefoucauld wrote: “Separation for love as wind for fire, - weak it extinguishes, and big inflates!“
Turns out what feelings at distance have more chances, than at those which glimmer under the same roof the joint apartment? Yes. Illusions will help with it. Feelings are born on a stage of our imagination and what smaller quantity of the facts for durability we possess, that the haze of feelings will expand stronger. But here you should not worry that the novel can uncontrolledly develop into the main memorable event of your life. Nothing will be without yours on that will. People appear in our life only because we let in them it! As speak in science: on everyone “effect Zeygarnik“ is “ effect Lissner “. Both were legendary Curt Levin`s schoolgirls, worked and investigated a subject of memoirs, but, fortunately, looked at it from the different parties. Lissner proved that the person can quickly forget about the past if in his life there was an event, stronger on emotional coloring. For example, you met the person with whom the strong feeling flashed and close relations were entered. Such love is capable “to eclipse“ the last relations, and it is very probable that they will stop being for you significant, and over time will at all be forgotten!
Larisa was passionately in love with the husband Oleg. It often was in traveling, and it seemed to the girl that they have not a marriage, and the novel long in life. On unclear to it to the reason, she felt devastated every time when it left. For Oleg these relations were convenient as he with pleasure spent time of business trips with other women, and then as obliges came back to a native nest. Will of destiny Larisa got acquainted with Vova who sincerely fell in love with it, and gained the love her trust. Having left the husband, the girl remembers the marriage as a bad dream. And all this because the present relations much more brightly, more honestly, more sincerely, than those that were at it in the past. This comparison (difference) helped Larisa not only to appreciate more the one who now near it, but also to close the page of the life which was full of disappointments (about it and spoke in the researches Lissner).
There is one more property characteristic of the repeating events is the hidden emotion . If you can hide the feelings, then your subconsciousness of it to you so just will not leave. All will begin with casual reservations, dreams, “honest“ talk half-asleep or a light slumber:
, this emotion which did not find a way out “is preserved“ and its hidden energy becomes fuel at which the mechanism of the repeating situations works, again and again provoking to let out us feeling outside and “to round off“ our history, is more right - every time absolutely another, the valid reason which changed with itself. (LJ. - Mart, 2010.)
In the relations where it is impossible “to put the end“, the period over - idealization of the partner when it seems to us that all who nearby - are not ideal, and It is especially dangerous … It is surely ideal (and only because it it is far and you are not connected by daily life). And if this feeling is familiar to you, then the best medicine is to lose any illusions, to meet and remember all that it was “not so“ that did not satisfy you. Sometimes people understand that they will be able to be reconciled with shortcomings of the second half because they did not meet during separation someone better, and at times - all this the same illusion which has to vanish with occurrence of reality. The main thing not to hide emotions and not to lie to the feelings because if they are, then to them no barrier and the more so - a barrier in distance is terrible. And if they are absent, then why to pull unnecessary baggage in the future?! Put the end, and leave it in the past - let lies on the shelf with experience.