Whether the preface to family life of
A you paid attention that all fairy tales come to an end with phrases “and they arranged a sumptuous feast …“, it about a wedding. Or: “… and then, they lived long and happily“, or here so: “Young people got married and began to live - to live and to acquire kindly …“.
All fantastic plots about fight between dark and light forces also come to an end they with a holiday in honor of the Good victory, over the Evil! And about what begins “then“, after fireworks, neither the word, nor a hint. Not important, about what there is a speech in the fairy tale and that happens to the main characters during the narration. The main thing this how men courageously battle as they overcome obstacles, win against villains and, at the end, receive in an award beauty - the maiden. In total! To a tale the end and who listened mo - lo-dets! The book is closed. It is time for children to sleep. And never they learn and what is it “to live long and happily“? Here up to this point it seems more and more or less clearly. Boys understand that it is impossible to be the coward, and to be better courageous, heroes and winners get everything. It is necessary not to be frightened and chop off head drakon only. They grow up, and you wave the magic sword again and again until all monster in pieces small you chop up, cut to pieces. And then still the Baba-yaga should be outwitted, to reach Koshcheevy death that in egg, on a tip of a needle it is hidden. Generally, after all drudgeries, dangers and scrapes, having caught the wife, surely the beauty as an award for courage, you can have a rest until the end of the days now. Also there will be to you Shchastiye! Well, of course! Deserved! And what else it is necessary to do that? Nobody about it ever spoke.
And girls, in general except that it is necessary to wait narrowed and to shed tears at a window in melancholy and do not know anything else about a role of the woman. The advanced heroines who everyones are able to do focuses also to the darling thanks to such gift occur, however, in some fairy tales, magic by everyone to help. The tsarevna Lebed, Marya is the Mistress, Vasilis Premudraya is shown, for example, how to be both a clear head, and the beauty, and humble, and creative, but as there are not enough such images and they are registered, probably, not really distinctly, no times there are in long-term memory. Are erased at all! Only are also remembered as focus - pokus: “as waved the right sleeve …“, or: “lyagushechyyu threw off a skin and give, sheaves to knit, pies to bake, clean and erase“. In adulthood, having become the girl, the Woman, such little girl, scared and defenseless, does not learn about the tremendous force of the true feminity and wisdom. Will not try the magic opportunities to use for the good to the man, and, what is even worse, having found their existence in the arsenal, at a critical moment of the life, will begin to apply such abilities to it in the evil.
Even the famous storytellers lacked imagination to continue the fairy tale: “They lived lived in love and a consent, but … not long. Year, and maybe two can. Some managed to prolong euphoria and for three years, and very deeply and blindly in love even it happened to exist also quite tolerably five years with each other. The kind good fellow and such melancholy it woke up once overcame on life of the manumission. Nearby the wife at all does not seem she to it the beauty any more. What to do? To run away or to build the new relations with other understanding of and the desires? Question of all life. It is very difficult to make the decision, and it is necessary. To whom to consult for whom the help to ask? At the wife of course! She best of all knows it, loves besides, means bad will not advise, to revenge yes will not begin to hate. It has no purpose to do much harm to the husband and in a black hopelessness and to drive it in a depression. It big female has force, understanding yes sympathy. Only she knows as to help both of them, - sorrow to master trouble“.
Further the detailed description of overcoming of obstacles to family happiness begins. What objectives are tried to be achieved each of partners? How they behave and whether are happy with themselves at the same time? I do not argue, it is difficult to output nuances of joint life filigree. To teach recognition of and the partner after a wedding - a marriage. How to gain skills of new coexistence in other reality. Probably it is very boring, to write about everyday overcoming of the egoism, the habits, a victory over the internal dragons. It is simpler and easier to win against external enemies, at least because they are visible. And here those that are hidden in you? Dangers and tests do not disappear also after a wedding anywhere, they continue to exist, just they change and it is necessary again to learn to overcome them. For a start, at least to recognize that now, living together, two should Try to take as much as possible intelligent steps to build system of happy signs for the future. Process is not really easy, but very grateful whether you Agree with many opening
that preparation for joint life bears in itself important inner meaning for both partners?
It is very serious, global changes. Now you have to include in the consciousness the concept “WE“, instead of “I“. It means that in each act, in everyone action and just in each thought you have to mean near you the living Person. You are responsible for consequences of each your step of two for you now. Family life is a boomerang that started, and wait for return of that back. Made a good cause - it will return to you in the doubled look. Hurt the partner, be sure, you will get the doubled pain.
Before sharply changing the life, it is worth looking for the answer to a question that makes me on the present happy that allows to feel live. Be attentive to what is valuable to you that induces to commission of acts. What acts? How near you your partner feels whether he shares your feelings, whether he is ready to the same purposeful actions?
Perhaps, you feel happy when you give pleasure to relatives, talk to the child, listen to people or write verses and stories …. And your partner suffers from your such actions. Considers it as waste of time and forces. For it, for example, to be happy to have it a lot of money and women. You have different tastes of happiness, at everyone the interest of life, other than your half. For one life it happens, for another it passes. If two such persons to unite in couple, testing thirst for novelty of feelings, for research of new, including sexual opportunities, then at the beginning of the relations, most likely, they will enjoy society of each other. But, once the love delusion will burst as the big and sparkling soap bubble, having left emptiness with bitterish taste. Time will make the good cause. Tinsel poobtrepltsya and will slip, cheap spangles of carnival masks will fade and two persons will meet with each other. The holiday ended, family life began.
What is it?
The family is a service and sacrifice, disagreements and compromises, fine tuning and upholding of personal interests. Surprise and humility, knowledge of and another, love and rejection, anger and forgiveness, disappointment and gratitude.
The family is all our life. Family - all this forms of feelings, feelings, the relations, reactions without which the person cannot develop. There is no person out of a family. Even the orphan, having lost parents, finds a family, or a reception, or in children`s home.
The paradox is that for most of people such form of existence, apparently, unique in human community, is not accepted. They are not happy in the families! One in panic, make attempts to return themselves illusion of happiness, so to say, in the destructive ways: alcohol, drugs and other. Others in search of love and security change a family, at first parental where they were “brought up“, on own. Finding, thus, imaginary independence. Without understanding that it is illusion too, partners in interdependence just change. Had to mean the parents earlier, and then, having added on realities of new adulthood, has to mean still now the wife and her parents, and also the chief, colleagues, inflation, requirements of friends, and then and own children. Without having sustained such impact and oppression of responsibility, without having received the wished and expected good luck in one marriage relations, the person hurries to change the partner. He thinks that the reason not in it. He looks for another, the one who will make it happy. He wants to open the book at first and again to plunge into the fantastic world. It again as in the far childhood, it is ready to go to travel at the other end of the world, to fairy happiness, in search of that only for the sake of which he will want to make feats and to overcome all barriers. By this time, own family, the wife and their joint life can also appear the main barrier just. Without being able to build up the long-term relationship, to find in them new opportunities, bright paints, the person begins to grieve and miss. And the boredom is a black hole which is capable to drain in you with giblets. It is simple to swallow your life, all without the rest. Boredom, young lady vulgar, immoral and ruthless. Only also give a holiday to it, with gloss of fires and love waste. Only she insatiable and all the time will demand from unfortunate the new victims.
The matter is that people are not able to live together long and happily. First, it should study, and it is process laborious, long and difficult. It you should want and understand strongly for what it is necessary. Secondly, it is not absolutely clear that such happiness, per se?
Often people confuse a condition of happiness to a condition of love, delight or pleasure. Or conveniences, comfort, reliability, trust.
Happiness is the most difficult philosophical question, the most unknown category of psychology. The most novel area of feelings and the most fragile design of the pair relations.
For me happiness is my choice of feeling of in life, the relations with itself, with people around. Happiness is a hard and continuous work of heart and mind.
And for me independence is happiness.
Independence is not lack of dependences at all as can mistakenly seem. It is knowledge that the door is open … always, from all situations there is exit.
If you have a family, then you already have a Business of All your Life. When in family life there come crises, you have a remarkable opportunity to walk, so to speak, from a source and to experience this way once again with all it, joyful and not really, events. To note what were your emotions and feelings at the beginning of a way and now how there is a lot of good you gave to the partner, and together with him to the whole world and in how many times more you received in reply!
You remember, you have a Destiny. For you she something good conceived - not to cope her one! And you have to: to rise, make the decision, to go, overcome temptations of boredom and to reach the end!
To be continued ….
You receive step-by-step instructions for creation of the happy family relations in the following articles.