Parents and adult children. Who whom has to bring up?
to Nobody and at any age there is no wish to speak, justify itself, listen every day to manuals, to answer infinite questions. But whether it is possible to avoid all this, being in an environment of parents and relatives? Of course, it is possible!
We forgive to parents their imperfection and we begin to respect them. Not especially going deep into studying of their mistakes and misses, we recognize that, perhaps, they also were not “ideal“ for us, but tried to become them. And in order that they respected us, we need unambiguously to learn to respect them.
In education (irrespective of who whom) exist low blows: insults, humiliations, hysterics, orders, pressure … Never we will forget about it. Respect - first of all!
We accept a situation such what it is. If we cannot change it, then … we change to it the relation! Understanding that we too in the answer for what old men are our parents: despotic bores or lovely creative producers. But before “receiving“ good parents …
we Become good children. we Learn to listen, hear and understand councils of parents what archaic they to us would not seem. Parents as nobody else, wish well to us only. They want that their continuation was similar to them, but it was more talented, more successful and happier. And it is not necessary to doubt their sincerity.
If to trust conclusions of scientists, then only by 36 - 40 years of judgment of the person have the highest rates of a maturity. And it means what at least to thirty … makes years sense, diligent saving up life experience, to listen to opinion of those who already have it.
And still you should not forget that transfer of life experience - the main task of all parents. And something actually can be valuable to us. Let`s open ears!
We will agree that it is convenient to us to accept the help from parents. The father of money will throw, mother will put things in order. But the giving having the right and to demand. And if we want to be adult and free, then have to learn to solve the problems. We have a choice: to continue to accept guardianship or to choose freedom? Or - or!
We take the responsibility and care for ourselves and for others since there is a strong wish on freedom. Not from a family is the most expensive that we have! And from excessive guardianship. That is, came it is time to stop to allow parents to serve, control and teach us.
We will be adjusted on serious conversation with parents. we Thank them sincerely and gently for the fact that they at us such world. That taught to make a bed, to fry eggs, acquainted with which - what “golden rules“, type: “protect honor with a hammer“, “everything comes back a boomerang“, “treat others as would like that treated you“ …
we Take courage and we explain that their child grew up. We begin the adulthood, and today, right now, all relatives are obliged to hold a distance and to respect our choice even if it is not understood by them.
And a subject that “they lived for the sake of us regretted for nothing, on it put health …“ it is closed once and for all. Yes, we are very grateful to them for such gift, but it was their personal choice.
Proving the point of view, we will be convincing. we will not break on shout, we will be judicious and logical. It is necessary that they felt in us strength of the matured person. It is not simple, but we will cope.
Also we will regularly not be lazy to remind them that we have own dreams, plans, projects about which we can tell not everything yet, but we know where we move. These are will calm them a little.
Living “own way“, we will do everything possible not to injure heart of parents. Let`s preserve them against unnecessary information, against problems which we will be all the same forced to solve. But we will be sincere in questions which by all means will concern them.
Understanding that their main care - our health, on their eyes we will not drink any rubbish, to pull everything that got to a mouth, to sit for days in front of the computer … They with such diligence cared for ours health, giving all the best, and it is natural that it is painful to them to observe how we samounichtozhatsya.
Having exempted from guardianship over itself, we will help them not to feel lonely. They, as well as we, do not need too, hyper guardianship and hyper control. Just we will finally not move away from them. Our leaving will not be regarded as treachery if we help to fill up their released time something interesting.
So far they were busy with getting of a daily bread while studied with us at school, rushed with us on circles and sections … Also did not notice how the world around them changed. They listen, eat, put on in the old manner and absolutely forgot to have a rest.
If ourselves lead interesting active life, then it will be easier for us to involve them in the world of the interests. Let`s speak with them about the hobbies, to show a photo of the open-airs, campaigns, the master - classes … Once they formed our tastes, we in the answer for them now.
Earlier on our good breeding, successful study “judged“ parents. Now all with an accuracy on the contrary. Because, our parents “are how advanced“ and modern, will “judge“ us.
We will expand borders of their knowledge of the modern world, we will carry away them by miracles of new technologies. we Will teach mother not only to switch off, but also to use the computer. Let`s infect it with idea of purchase of the personal laptop, having shown all its smart opportunities.
What struck us made laugh, impressed on YouTube, can be interesting to the father, mother and the grandmother... Tear off them from habitual telenews, the stove and seat nearby even if they resist a little, interest will appear by all means.
We will bring up parents also because only with “easy heart“ we will entrust them the children. For many children and grandsons old men become loading, a burden, burden, the same headache what once children were for them. We will treat their education creatively, is conscious, effortlessly, with humour … And at us will be another story altogether!
We will be interested in their affairs, desires and to satisfy their rare requests. not so they want much and not so often ask us for the help. Then, same it is so pleasant to execute someone`s dreams!
We will become their best advisers. Let`s find hour - another in a week simply to sit with them over a cup of tea. And not only out of gratitude for what they made for us, but also because this contact cannot be interrupted. Irrespective of, we live separately or together, it has to be comfortable and interesting to us with each other.
It, of course, is convenient - not to “answer“ anybody. But what feeling of safety gives knowledge that someone worries, prays for us and will always accept us such what we are.
We will appreciate what we have. Because the person loses what does not appreciate. What happiness that we have them, our young people or not really “old men“. These are our parents and we will not have others! Nobody will take their place when they do not become.
“... everyone is worthy love, all were gentle babies, will become ailing old men“.
As it is difficult to b to live when nearby the grumbler criticizing all and all grows old or, the disappointed in own life, sad loser, in all missed opportunities
I accusing itself or the relatives … what to be lucky enough surprisingly live, fond, vigorous (if not a body, then soul), positive assistants, in any business support and a support. In total in our hands!
It is amusing to see the old woman walking on the market in abrupt sneakers, obviously premature her grandsons. It is even more amusing when the eighty-year-old granny communicates with the nonresident grandsons on “Skype“ or the old man “shpilit in Kontra“. Our family if we are engaged in their education can be these “cool“ old men also.