Attempt number two. Whether it is worth meeting with the husband?
“Sorry, we should leave. I leave you“, - to hear it from the beloved - a crushing blow. On feelings, on vanity, on the adjusted life, according to plans for the future, on ability further to trust people. But there passed time. You recovered from shock, reconciled to a situation and managed to accept it, learned to play by new rules and to lead other life - and the call to a door is suddenly distributed. On a threshold - the ex-husband.
Lost, beaten, disturbed, repentant. In eyes - rattling mix of hope, fault, tenderness, expectation, confidence in the irresistibility and fear to be rejected. As it is strange! You changed over - now he wishes reconciliation, wants to turn back the clock, suggests to think again and to forget everything, and you … time when you, without fluctuating, would give half-lives only to hear from it all words that he speaks now Was
. It was so painful to you from sympathy of relatives, from encouragement (sometimes with the concealed gloating) from girlfriends and friends, from the understanding views of colleagues, from unartful questions of the aged neigbour: “And something not to see your Maxim, in business trip long ago, perhaps?“.
You sobbed at night, furiously pulled out photos of the husband from frames and photo albums to clean where far away. But then again took pictures in this world and to eye pain peered into the eyes which betrayed you, suffering the questions tearing for soul in the meekness: “How he could act this way with me?“ and Tsvetayeva`s “My darling what to you I made?“ Eternal questions, questions for all times.
You represented that it does without you now than and with whom it is busy, in the course of the day on hundred times thought: “When we were together, at this time watched this transmission“ (walked in park, had supper, followed purchases …). Trifles to which you did not pay attention earlier suddenly grew to the amount of the global actions defining a basis of your life, that soil which it suddenly, resembling, beat out from you from - under legs.
You hid eyes from an inquiring look of the child, confusedly and false explaining what cannot be explained, and promised what did not trust in. And sometimes broke on it, small, and then started embracing and apologizing. For children`s offense your own pain became a hundred times stronger and more bitter.
You fell asleep with sleeping pill and woke up with eyes, red from tears and a sleep debt, drew the person, put on it a mask of ostentatious wellbeing and went to work. Mechanically ate, communicated with colleagues, tried to steep in production problems. It turned out badly, but all sympathized with you: it is necessary to understand, the husband left - the poor woman …
Gradually to replace offense, rage, pains inevitably came understanding, indifference to destiny of the person who threw you, silent humility, unshakable determination to find new happiness. You sobbed out - thank God, we, women, are able to cry! - the despair, and even learned to treat the events with humour, and it is the first sign of recovery.
It seemed to you earlier that there is no beloved husband - and there is no life too what can be life, alone there. As it became clear, you were mistaken. It is irrespective of, there is at it a husband or not. And, by the way, everything is not so bad - more quietly and, at the same time, intriguingly.
Once you suddenly found out that grown thin with experiences, made a new hairdress and risked in which - that eyelids to buy to themselves a heap of things for a spirit raising, you are interesting and attractive again. This new woman whom you sometimes hardly recognize in a mirror is still capable to be pleasant to men!
You even went on a date - why is not present, you are free now. And let you mentally constantly compare this man to Him, the clear understanding at heart ripened: so will be not always. There will pass time, maybe, even a lot of time, but, eventually, memory will show mercy. And then the voice, manners, characteristic gestures, words, habits, episodes of joint life - no, will not be erased from it, but will become priglushenny as if would will become covered by a soft dust layer.
Your life develops - let not always and not at once it is successful, but it develops, flows in new coast. And here, when you least of all wait for it, once adored husband arises in your life again. And it becomes clear that you with it went all this time the same road, but diversely.
His joyful impatience to begin the new page of the biography was replaced by understanding of a mistake and desire to return. You have all exactly the opposite. Phases did not coincide again and whether will coincide sometime? He wants that all of you forgot. Let is not under a delusion, you will never be able to make it. It is not rancor, and in a self-preservation instinct. If you once feel in his behavior a hint on repetition passed, then will internally bristle up, will prepare for blow, accept a fighting rack - to reflect, be protected.
But, without being able to forget, perhaps, you will be able to forgive, understand, begin anew? To solve to you. Perhaps, you will just close before it a door - it is your right. It is quite possible that, having decided to try once again, having understood that this person is still dear to you, you accept him again and you will be very happy. Understanding that you nearly lost each other will strengthen your relations, and at your marriage the second wind will open. And can happen so that, having believed and having forgiven, you will be mistaken and will regret the trustfulness...
Councils are inappropriate here therefore do not listen to anybody - only yourself. However need already in itself to make similar decisions says that life goes on, moreover, you again in its center. And unless it is not healthy?.