How and when food dependence is formed? Part 2
an Opportunity to be reconciled with imperfection of the world accepting, rejecting our desires and requirements is reached by formation of so-called “constancy of object“. “This internal feeling of the child that mother - even angry and angry - all the same loves and accepts it with all his imperfections. In the absence of favourite object - mothers - her constant image created inside serves as a consolation and support. This internal object, uniting desire and representation, provides the steady attitude towards people who are that kind and loving, aggressive and angry“.
If mother is unpredictable and often evades from contact with the child, it remains defenseless before attacks of negative emotions and fears - as the, and from his environment. And again the food comes to the rescue. It is available and precisely possesses quality of constancy in this world, changeable to the child.
Thus, the main roots of food dependence are tied in the early childhood:
1. Completion by food of deficiencies of love, recognition, attention to.
2. Completion by food of the stability before attacks of negative emotions and fears.
3. Acquisition through food of resistance to stress.
4. Receiving through food of a consolation and support.
5. Rooting of belief that food - the main and safest source of pleasure.
Important remark : we go in for archeology of the reasons of our food draft now. For this purpose we try to analyse the children`s impressions and injuries, the early relations with mother - the father. To clear a picture of your adult “today“, such work, in my opinion, is very useful. But let`s agree on - to the adult: in the analysis of the reasons of our dependence we can be angry somehow with the parents, call in question their relation and actions to us - children, to accuse them of the today`s problems. However the first step to independence of any sort - to assume responsibility for the “today“. And the adult part to realize that we are grateful to the parents who presented us this world. They loved us as they could, brought up for the best, sincerely wishing us safe, in their opinion, happiness. And in each our painful symptom there is a resource part. For which there are all bases to be grateful to destiny.
On the end of “excavation“ of the childhood it makes sense to investigate the today`s resources, what we can lean in ourselves “here and now“ on, refusing dependence “crutch“ …
in conclusion of article I want to offer you exercise - the Letter to an internal image of mother .
Allocate yourself half an hour of a privacy. Sit down more conveniently, having prepared a sheet of paper, the handle, and within 7 - 10 minutes write to the mother the letter. Without special thoughts, spontaneously, write about everything that comes to mind. It is your internal work, confidential for the whole world therefore “release“ yourself “to the full extent“ … You thank, swear, you ask, cry, laugh, you long …
was Written? Now put opposite to yourself a pillow or put an empty chair, present on it the mother and read it this letter. Pay attention to the pose, breath, pauses, halts, intonations … Stopped imagined by “it“ reading? Make a pause, recover the breath properly and change on the mother`s place … Now you are it, your mother … Enter an image, present opposite to yourself - the daughter - and answer her as you apprehended what she just read to you … Be most spontaneous, answer without thoughts, paying attention to the pose, breath, pauses, halts, intonations …
Upon termination of dialogue leave this space and, having flushed the lungs with air, return to yourself. Tell yourself approximately following: “Now I am I. Today`s. Steady. Adult. I can become myself a parent. I have all necessary for self-support and self-confidence“.
This exercise - - should be made with breaks for assimilation of new experience necessary for you until you are not able sincerely, with all the heart to thank the mother for the life given you and opportunities … To forgive her for its mistakes and imperfections … And to ask for it forgiveness for the … And from a role of mother sincerely accept this gratitude … Also you make a declaration of love to the daughter …
Such correspondence can last for a month … And maybe for a year … And can come to the end within a week … You remember, this process - only yours, and what you do, leads you to release from the habit braking and afflicting you to overeat … If in this process you are “covered“ by too drama memoirs and experiences - ask for professional psychological assistance and support …
On materials of my book “The slave to food? Revolt of slaves!“