Disposal of food dependence: what to support itself by? Freud and three floors of mentality
If you feel the dependence on food, it means reality of your today`s life.
And it is sure that in many areas of the life - at work, in a family, in a circle of friends - you adult, balanced, successful, respect you colleagues, friends love and even children obey. More than less.
But in the relations with food you are more often in loss. Such feeling that in you there lives some angry, unfortunate, scared Zhevun who forces you to snatch on food, demands chocolate ton, shivers with a look and a smell of newly-baked fancy bread, roughly tramples on your requirement to remain harmonous and young-looking.
Attempts to limit his appetites - pills “for weight loss“, diets, bans - time from time fail … Or yield temporary result. Why? Yes because Zhevun grew and developed in you all life. Also it was created in your early childhood as your defender and the savior. Mother ignores you? Chew, will feel better … Mother constantly shouts and becomes angry? Chew, will feel better … Someone rejected you or frightened? Chew, will feel better … Zhevun helped
in process of your growing with difficult situations. Its power became stronger and grew. But at some moment it began to strain you and to irritate. Because it is necessary to pay in the excessive weight, shame on the beach for its protection and support, losses in search of love, loss of pleasure from the body …
Since you began to form the Adult part, serious disagreements with Zhevun`s requirements have her need. You want to become harmonous and attractive - Zhevun whispers: “As it is terrible!“ Also packs your beauty into a fatty armor … You want to achieve attention and recognition - Zhevun here - “Eat more! What you will be more, that is more noticeable“ Etc.
Today I want to return to reality. All of us are adults, and even with the unfavourable childhood by the present moment learned more - to cope less with life, and - is sure - to it to rejoice … I suggest to deal with our resources. What helps today us?
For a start I will give model of our mentality from the tranzaktny analysis. Eric Burn postulated that the mentality - by analogy with the house - is divided into three basic floors: children`s, adult and parental.
The children`s floor - experience of our childhood, with all our desires demanding immediate satisfaction with our requirement to play, have fun, with curiosity to life. Our ability to creativity roots in children`s part, right there generally there live our fears, offenses and chagrin. There is a room of boasting, the room of our adult toys, here we come when the consolation is required, our love to sweet grows from here.
The parental floor are precepts, habits of our parental family, these are acquired from parents “has to“, “it is possible - it is impossible“, “be ashamed“, “you are guilty“, “that it is good and that it is bad“. With this baggage we live all life, but in conscious part we can argue, defend the opinion, feel free from restrictions low-adequate today and bans of our parents.
With it we are helped by our life experience, our values and installations which form our the adult floor . In any life situation we can react loss of independence and attempt to be protected by someone else`s instructions, refusal to assume responsibility - in this case we react from children`s part. Or attempt to become the dominating figure, to teach all as it is necessary, - in this case we act from a parental piece. Or to try objectively, taking into account all features of the current situation to develop the line of conduct - without rigid confrontations, without deflections of. And then we are adults.
The adult part is in each of us. It reconciles among themselves children`s “I want“ also parental it “is necessary“ taking into account realities of our life. This part will also be the main support in our fight against food dependence. Your adult has ways of a consolation of the internal child. But also it has also habits of parents which, quite perhaps, already disturb you in a problem of relationship with weight. You on a habit console the internal child tasty, sweet, endowing appearance and health. But there are ways better.
Freud gave good definition to mentality. The mentality is an instrument of reconciliation of multidirectional aspirations and desires and development of compromise solutions . But if you still feel the dependence on Zhevun, so to your internal Child difficult to agree with your Adult part. He feels your rejection, the vulnerability … And on a habit relies on Zhevun. And to learn to support and calm the children`s part, it is necessary dorytsya to the prime causes, to realize needs of the little girl and to give it feeling of safety.
Clients often make to me an inquiry: “Make recommendations which will help to cope quickly and effectively with my food problems“.
I usually so answer it:
I have no ready recipes which help quickly and everything. It is difficult for me to reconcile to the imperfection. But my adult part avoids making false promises. If I declared myself the Magician and the Sorcerer, it would be other history. But reality such is that I - one of you.
I struggled with the food passion all conscious life … Tried a heap of ways - up to magic, chesslovo … But for me the psychology was the most productive way . And the psychology insists that it is possible to win against dependence, but for its overcoming it will be required to work hard. Or one, or with professional support. But if food dependence pursues you for many years, fast victories are a myth …
Even if you consciously want to change, unconscious wanted to sneeze on this “ripples on water“. It will persistently hold the habits and armors. New always frightens … And suddenly we will get rid of Zhevun and everything will ruin?? But if we persistently try to obtain the, we will gradually promote and we will receive stable result.
Here several exercises which can help to become a support for themselves.
1. Find the children`s photo - it is desirable to five-year age. Communicate as often as possible with this remarkable little girl. Be with it careful, try to hear that she wants to tell you. Unite to it, protect it. Feel it loved and calmed. Promise it that you - Adult - will be able to be her a support and support. And the most important - try to give it belief that in Asha love out of conditions that you appreciate it any, in all its manifestations, whims and pranks … Also remember in the dialogue with it that it is you!
2. Try to draw the Zhevun. Color felt-tip pens or pencils. When finish, retire and talk to it (or with it) - it is desirable aloud. Take care of the safety - house can react to your conversation with drawing with a fright for your sincere health.
Tell Zhevun frankly that you think of his participation in your life. Ask it to interfere less with yours “today“. Add that you already are able to care for yourself.
If you decide on this exercise, and it will take place without strong resistance, use it whenever possible when rolls an attack of “bad appetite“ on you.
(Materials from the book “The slave to food? Revolt of slaves!“)