Rus Articles Journal

SMK - a monster or the magic tool?

Attention! It is next “nablyudashka“ for the people who faced (introduction) of SMK - control systems of quality, - in the company, but not the scientific article with “clever“ words for use in the presentations at the corporate level.

If the unprepared person listens to talk and the presentations of managers on quality management and heads of the top and average management on SMK, then it “the Wizard of the Emerald City“ will most of all remind him Gingema and Bastinda`s spells from the children`s book, - you remember: “Bambara - a chufara, Lorica - Yoriki“. All these abbreviations and terms as that KPIs, TQM, Six Sigma, ISO, HACCP, PDCA, Lean, Waste, Procedures, - work hypnotically, driving the listener into the dream which is smoothly passing into a nightmare at the words “regular audits“ and “bonus size depending on SMK indicators“. On this place the listener shudders, having woken up in cold sweat, and turns around to check and whether that auditor with a big enema because the word “procedures“ are associated at the majority with this subject is not necessary at it behind the back. As a last resort, - with the syringe that does not do a nightmare more attractive (addicts a request to keep silent!) . Well, full haleymos - it kadokhes and that we so lived as they understand each other!

I beg you, actually everything speaks on time if to suspect SMK the head, and to look in the face directly on logic. The control system of quality of processes is close to a ship-handling where are necessary the master - the captain, exact and harmonious work of all crew where everyone knows accurately borders and the level of the responsibility, and all together know that non-performance or inexact or wrong performance of the tasks will simply send all system, - sorry, all ship with all team, I wildly apologize, directly on a bottom.

You will not believe, but by the ship, in - the first, mechanics do not rummage eyes for the navigator tenderly to ask for the course laid by this poyets on the center of a megaplyum where motors to themselves do not cope with a current. In - the second, the navigator does not rush about on blasting for the captain (and to it not to be ill!) to learn for amount of fuel and the port of destination, - it should know where we go! In - the third, already will also not come in dream to the captain shlimazl - the helmsman who turned a wheel to the right instead of to the left “for to drive“ (that you to yourself knew, at clever people it is called “creative thinking“).

I I apologize again, but the crew prepares (is trained) and formed for storm, works involving all hands and dead calms (in “clever“ language - “risks“), but not on “Meath tsimmes compote“ (weather - all the time breathes, the ship goes down stream and a straight line).

If SMK is introduced correctly, but not through tukhes, then we have the burning eyes, working well-coordinated (not he - he, and working) team and a minimum of a headache at a result maximum at the exit. What is characteristic, at such SMK audits are considered by collective as option of cheerful gambling in “And try, catch me for rup for twenty! “ (external) or as “A call to the friend“ on to take a detached view where I talked nonsense and how it is simpler to make (internal).

And what we have at our offices, you to yourself paid attention? If SMK is introduced through incorrectly (that very often happens), we have a mess. The purposes and tasks of the company are drawn for aliens in bird`s language. How our actions and work correspond to these tasks, only that Martian who to himself naformulirovat these purposes and tasks knows. Levels and borders of responsibility specifically are not determined therefore to look with eyes on where your zone of responsibility comes to an end (that we so lived!), and where begins others (that they so lived!) really the same as to force the rested Jew to eat trefny pork, fie on this dirty animal. Proceeding from what, a half of working hours, through I cannot and a lot of headache, we spend on to understand from whom and that we have to receive to whom after performance of the work to transfer, where to find the one to whom to transfer it and why all this on figs was given!!!

At the same time, notice to yourself, in half a year nerves for audit begin to do to all employees time. And office people, mournful on the head, pull out from cases dusty volumes in comparison with which the Talmud (yes it will be for ever and ever) - such easy public language the written book, and begins to cram it fiercely (sorry for a pun). Especially the moment of full discrepancy of this book with the actions which are really taking place pleases. Pleases even more soberly shuddered from what was seen (unexpectedly! Again! Already each six months!) around itself the administration arranging additional learning by heart of the correct answers that the people did not tell on a tower (And the auditor - full shlimazl, he only asks the questions which are thought up by the administration, and you did not know?). However, full az okh`n blow comes when in the middle of audit also the quality management manager leaves. Everything, arrived … Let`s guess who loses a bonus if audit is failed?...

As to write difficult simple shiksa on it! language. We pass to standard - the fact what any follower of the Torah will give to other follower of the Torah free of charge and in any quantity (council, and you that thought will go further?) . And the main thing, we turn to fundamental questions of the Russian life - Who is guilty? and What to do? The first I refuse to sort (it is definitely not necessary to me), and here the second … Who told: “Rescue drowning is work drowning“? Clever person … Was …

1. Take the initiative. Find out everything, without lock distortion. Naturally, not alone, and it is quiet, persistent, lovingly and tenderly (where it brought me?) understand that is written concerning in and the Quality manual of YOUR work or work of your department as to correlate it to what you really do.

2. Talk to colleagues (heads of other departments if you the head), too tired of This Fight and the Nightmare (daily and very silent) how to establish cooperation between your departments and to build your processes. Yes, it is difficult and, hard moreover from below up … But it is YOUR work, YOUR nerves and YOUR headache.

3. And the last … If for you absolutely pripeklo, wait to put the statement. Try to make the motto the following postulate: “If you cannot do what is pleasant to you, then let you like what you do.“

of PS. Separate thanks to Odessa, to M. Zhvanetsky, A. Belyanin, B. Akunin and D. Gotsman for the help in stylistic processing.