Rus Articles Journal

What is “Illusion of a parazitoz“?

As are stuffy … Looking at our workers, you understand, how precisely definition “office plankton“. And, plankton which is well dried and pro-dried.

Fans drive hot air from one corner in another, and Vasily Sergeyevich drives virtual rally on the heated computer. This young employee of our firm uses absence of the Boss and presence of a successful fence from plywood that separates it from the Chimera - Zama. The last was lucky to be been born presently, otherwise Great Inquisition would deal shortly with the wicked witch long ago. Yulya Nikolavna quite often showed equipment of a levitation, without elevator rising on the top floor in an office of the Boss and informing it on everyone and everything. Also it could materialize directly from air behind your back and was famous for magic potions under the guise of the Chinese chayov. A hot working semi-sleepiness the shrill voice excites it. Work found us. And here, already a good few of office goes down to the cellar on a task on sorting of ten-year archive. The huge chief accountant whom all call the Falcon directs parade. In the shirt which is rolled up to elbows, it as if the real port loader, loads semi-dead plankton with huge dusty folders with waste paper.

Many are convinced that the person lost instincts on the long way of evolution. EGOS of the size of a dinosaur and belief in the independence, prevent to make out nice shaggy faces of ancestors in each of us. Here, for example, what there still instincts are capable to unite so absolutely different people as employees of our firm. What roots and the general ancestors at Vasily Vasilyevich who is whiling away working hours in dreams of the future days off and, say, at our Main thing, at times, forgetting a way home and presence of the children can be. Though, the former paratrooper Sokol and the frequenter of sabbaths Yulya Nikolavna, it would be possible to define in the category of similar people, but only only on the basis of extremely opposite and high pitched voice.

As it appeared, before our unity there were few hours. Cossis tellurem pedibus (a bug - shchekotun) decided to help and unite ill-matched people...

The next morning the Boss it is noisy opened office door and, clinking self-confidence on a parquet, moved to depth of our Tuesday work. From a heat his head reddened, swelled and became similar to a beehive. In a beehive numerical bees pottered about, building honeycombs business - the plan.

The enormous ridge of a humpbacked back of Sokol shuddered from constant pochyosyvaniye and potiraniye. Obscenely commenting on this misfortune, it, from time to time, killed a mosquito on a neck or a hand, leaving a red mark of a great hand. Vasily Sergeyevich fidgeted on the place too and, violating the charter, got rid of a tie that it was convenient to cope with the attacked itch. Absolutely all personnel of office were in a similar state. The gnash of wet backs and old chairs, replaced habitual clicks of keys and tired joints.

By the end of day all our building already scratched. Even in skies of the Boss on the last floor stood cruel chyos. People got rid of clothes, took unclear cream and the aerosols promising the help, many just raved against fate and fiercely scraped the loins.

“The similar case happened in one laboratory of the USA at the end of 1966,“ - the psychologist explained to our Boss later, - “there installed the new equipment, and the personnel began to suffer from an insuperable itch. Something small crept on their skin and unpleasantly bit. Already in a day parasites were thrown on relatives of workers and almost all to whom they contacted. Numerous attempts to relieve laboratory of insects did not yield any results! Even strongest for that time of DDT and procedure of sterilization of the room did not lead to anything!“

“I so cannot any more!“ - Yulya Nikolavna began to yell and directed a forefinger with a long well-groomed nail towards columns of archival folders. From concentration of the black magic proceeding from a finger, folders slightly moved. “There some parasites sit!“ - it deafened by a militia siren. Panic set in. Parting forcibly each other, people were torn to an exit and filled a court yard at our building.

The brave paratrooper Sokol heroically ventured to relieve all of archive. It dressed in heavy special clothes and pulled a respirator. Disappearing in a doorway behind which dangerous creatures crowded, he on - Hollywood threw - “If in an hour I do not return, cause a sanepidemstantion!“.

Sokol returned. As if after unequal fight, the exhausted spindle-legs fell down steps before an entrance. Broke from itself a respirator, it was scratched and whispered - “Them thousands, really, they there everywhere!“.

On Wednesday the Boss caused disinsector. Day off, of course, did not turn out, and we sat through the road from office on benches, waiting for professional punishment over creeping reptiles. Hour through two, the call from a citadel of the Boss was distributed. It gave a starting signal that it is possible to get to favourite work and that more nothing threatens our work. We cautiously seated in places at stuffy office where still smelled of chemical procedures. Gradually pressure was normalized, and plankton plunged into routine boredom. As suddenly, Vasily Sergeyevich screamed and got with a hand for a collar of a white shirt. All jumped from places with wild horror in eyes. Vasily Sergeyevich strongly reddened and apologized, having told what just seemed. Pressure was normalized again, but suddenly … Sokol began to jump on office, lifting up a trouser-leg, clapping itself on a nape, climbing under a shirt.

“It again they!!!!“ - decibels of the Witch - Zama read off scale. By the end of day the building was evacuated again.

“And here still case.“ - the psychologist continued to explain to the Boss the event nature, - “At one cotton-mill workers began to complain of stings of little insects. They pointed to new dressing gowns which import brought from the far-away Asian country. Poor creatures awfully scratched and were not capable to work. But here that interestingly, parasites attacked not all workers of factory without discrimination, and extended among small groups, closely connected with each other as obliges! As well as in a case with laboratory in America, no insects were revealed! Itch was caused by usual dust, and already the imagination of people turned it in awful cossis tellurem pedibus“

“You try to tell …“ - the Boss began to drive.

“Yes, all this is no more than a hallucination. The scientific name to such phenomenon - “Illusion of a parazitoz“. You for certain heard about delirium tremens when it seems to the person that under skin spiders potter about is not present“

“, well you! My eagles at work do not drink! I here in general do not take alcohol, and scratched, as well as all!“ - the Boss objected.

“Here it is not alcohol, and in the fact of distribution of Illusion. It is put deeply in nature of people. Begin to yawn in an environment and, it is imperceptible for itself, someone will pick up you. Laughter - too most. If all colleagues laugh, you will begin to laugh with them. It is the nature. All of us are arranged equally and we have the same instincts“.

We will not excite already loosened mentality of our CEO. Let`s leave it in the psychologist`s office, and we will go behind explanations for thousands of years in the past.

As it is stuffy … Before us typical representatives of that time, ancient ancestors of the person are primacies. We found them on working Thursday on high green branches of a baobab. The destructive heat turns production of bananas into boring torture. One macaque with long nails, without paying attention to heat, deafeningly shouts and hangs up slaps in the face by another, calling for work. The huge primacy with a humpbacked back, thrashes himself in a breast fists and tries to outvoice it. Slightly far away the young monkey sits and, as if without paying to anybody attention, picks a thin stick a nose. Suddenly the jungle calms down. On the top of a baobab, the proud leader gets out of a hollow. Primacies quietly sit and wait for orders. The leader self-confidently lifts up a tail together with red buttocks, slowly approaches the beehive hanging nearby and significantly dresses it to himself on the head.

Many years passed since then. Blood rushed back from buttocks. The head became more and any more did not creep in a beehive. On the place of a baobab built our office and many began to think that in the person there is no instinct left any more. Just they, unlike ancestors - primacies and our firm, never faced a phenomenon of “Illusion of a parazitoz“. Inhabitants of a baobab used it as the protective mechanism. They warned each other about dangerous parasites. If one primacy began to scratch furiously, it served as an alarm signal for other representatives of family and those followed its example. Also as the laughter and yawning, a pochyosyvaniye still promotes also social adaptation. These are subconscious bridges of human relationship. Some individuals even learned to benefit by similar instincts and to provoke new epidemics.

Vasily Sergeyevich most longer from us could not recover from hallucinations. Even after a week when incident was exhausted, he often referred to shock and a psychological trauma. Sometimes, he screamed and beat himself a neck, and then ran cunning eyes on office in search of chain reaction. Without finding support, “parasite“ with an aching heart came back to virtual races …