Stop! Who goes?
of the Word “establishment“ and “brothel“ in Hebrew sound equally: mahon. I stand in the evening in the uniform of the security guard on a stop. The jeep which swept by by suddenly comes back and near me stops. There are two by the form as if they together with the SUV on one concern were brought together, and words reach me: “Security guards of solid age in the makhena not such legible when receiving barter. It that you give, they also are glad to that. - at first barter give that to young people, choose, and protection for them is a break for rest“. Apparently, the security guard is necessary to them and I begin to take a form of “the terrible sovok porter“ for which “To propushchat“ - the purpose of all life! I get the mobile phone as if the vibro call worked also by a tired voice: “It again you? I told you that me, the security guard - the professional of the highest class, your conditions do not arrange“ - these two Pecked! Hearing - that as was strained! And well - in Russian: “Look for the sucker in a mirror!“ - Alas, you did not pass this test, we pass to figures: “100“ - Yes I also know that I bent, and well-: “30“ - “in the apple!“ Got to talking. A delicate hint for work in protection. “For me it is so unexpected, I should think, the bargaining is pertinent? Then - went!“ I was seated in the middle, at the edges - “for processing“. The one that on the right began: “There is not enough money, heavy taxes, expensive rent the protected object - makhon, after two hours on a post, calculation with barter for about 20 minutes, then again two hours on a post and so on“ Grew I in “the country without sex“ and “barter in establishment“ presented as office furniture and office equipment. The one that at the left, rolls up the eyes to the sky language smacks the lips, blushed - that as! And everything purrs: “Barter ah, ah“ to It candies to advertize barter! “The weapon - that works?“ - he asked and above a knee clapped me. Does not know that the arms on a belt are carried? So I you “will outdo“ the weapon on a subject now: “I like to be closed in the room that not to frighten people, and to pull out the weapon for the handle. Long in hands I examine whether there are no dents, scratches - for so many years already became a habit. I will take away a lock back, I will accurately remove old greasing. Time - in a week I grease that completely. Old to a slippery jack that from Russia brought, in a ravine behind the house threw out, though it was a pity - I got used to it, in the dark could use. Now I have a maslyonochka, new expensive. Not greased weapon grows old and misfires“. Ruddy suddenly turned white and looks at me somehow strange, and what on the right suddenly speaks: “We have enough maniacs and without you. Give better now we will leave“. And me your furniture office to anything!
I tell this story to the young security guard, and more continuation interests the guy. For me it - as adrenaline! Imaginations begin to gain steam and “incurred“ me most even it became interesting! When I passed to “pictures“ - Kama a sutra had a rest! The guy does not let speak - everything interrupts: “Give me that address! You are jealous? I am younger!“ - “Yes I do not remember the address - in an unconsciousness to the house gave a ride to me and at an entrance threw“ And this Moroccan absolutely already lost the head: his hand even more often to a holster began to twitch, blood African in it boils: “Tell the address!!!“ On a table looked at a knife, and I taught it: “At first you shoot, and then you put a knife in the cooling-down hand“ difficultly to find a way out of current situation when the head is stuffed by erotic imaginations which I did not manage to splash out to it. If I tell that I thought up it - I will only aggravate the situation. Thought up! “Remembered! It somewhere at border with Lebanon! There still all the time “Katyushas“ rumbled with a row. That, the address is not necessary to you any more!?“
From the Israeli instruction for security guards: “Forget, and God forbid to you to remember that you have a weapon on a belt! Took out from a holster - you lose the license! Guided at the person - under court! The use of weapons against thieves and hooligans is forbidden: do not prevent them to do their dirty serious work if do not want that they made you the disabled person! The owner will not grow poor - at him each tack is insured! It is forbidden to shoot at a back: running away is not dangerous! The weapon is used only in the unique case - when before you the suicide bomber - the terrorist!“ I pass
In St. Petersburg somehow by a synagogue and I notice: the security guard cannot explain to orthodoxes what is closed, come tomorrow. I unburdened the heart communication in “Bible language“ and there were a wish to protect to me this object and that the second salary - in shekels. In security company acted as if “the fighting general before pioneers!“ - “My instructors from Mossad … free foreign language skills … my subscription about nondisclosure for a period of up to 50 years“ is shorter, I take up watch of religious school for boys provided that there will be to me a bed in the same place - the place. The janitor carried out short excursion and left. I undress in shower, and it came there and does not leave. Well, unless it is possible to hire with such orientation to teenagers! And here I guessed: he decided to look at my religion! There I have abgeymah- everything is all right - well that I left a chain with a cross worn on the neck in the room, and that would turn out as in a joke about a bath: “Rabinovich, you either a cross remove, or put on pants“ I Bought the fancy mobile phone and I try to understand it in the evening. Teenagers come to me to a post: “Ma? Not to deal with the mobile phone? Yes we began with this model. Remove for a start a cover - it is not a sign of the steepness! You at us the first security guard knowing Hebrew! You will help us to make homework for Hebrew?“
Comes a family to the restaurant protected by me, and the bodyguard remained with an entrance. Flaunts before me with a haughty look, muscles plays, the gun through a jacket strokes! This sucker does not guess yet - whom contacted! In silence of the hall the stopper from champagne takes off! “Action! - I shout to it, I jump for a column and nervously I rummage under a jacket - I switch the mobile phone to a video camera: “I block an exit and I cover you behind! Let`s take their live!“ At this cowboy of an eye lit up - the addict, probably! All red snatches out the IZh - 71 and - rushes to the hall! Frightened all! Slightly “pass Chicago“ did not arrange there! It is good that there were a few guests and - without weapon!
In salons “Euroset“ the Drunk guy twists in brelka hands. The show to me fairly cloyed it, and I approached it: “Depart, do not irritate me!“ - “And you be not nervous, the uncle!“ - “And I, the nephew, any more than anything will not speak! A bludgeon I will cut down and I will stuff into pockets of brelok. Sellers of mobile phones will thrust there. Guys from GBR will award you with disability. “Visyakov“ you will receive from militia! Years through five you will be released with disability and with a clear conscience!“ At the payment terminal drunk costs and listens to comments: “Enter number, check correctness of the dialed number …“ Bent to a bill acceptor and speaks in a hole: “Woman! Get out from there! “ And I sat next and I answer it with a female voice: “Is not present! I will not get out - drunk I am afraid of you: you will begin to stick!“ In salon at the Moscow station by the mobile phone the blonde speaks: “You told that we will occur at a monument. And here LENIN is not, here only Pyotr the First!“
Was pleasant to me to go across St. Petersburg in the uniform of the security guard: free of charge you pass in a paid toilet - “Round of the territory! It is checked: there are no mines!“ Without turn you pay purchases in supermarkets - “I on a post - my time is limited!“ Subway, trains, exhibitions, museums etc.! “Security guard! - Nikolay Valuyev hailed me at the Prosveshcheniya Avenue subway - Protect me!“ The people burst out laughing - not to stop! But once in cafe two visitors on me attacked: “Where you go!? Why you are not on a workplace!? Yes, you should be dismissed for such work!“ - “??? “ - “We took coffee with cakes, put the mobile phone on a table, only turned away - there is no mobile phone!“ - “And why you put the mobile phone on a table - he at you loves cakes too!?“ - “Yes you still sneer!? From you mobile phone cost!“ And their security guard sits in a far corner and the newspaper takes cover! “Hid! Your object!“ - “You talk - why I will interfere?“