Rus Articles Journal

On a self-locking device across Europe of

“Something I to Israel have no love at first sight. At you this love appeared quickly?“ - I complain the daughter living there the fourth year. “At once, father!“ - with optimism she answered. “At first here too everything was not pleasant to us, did not go abroad yet. Returned and told: “Here where Paradise, so is Israel!“ - relatives told me. If the repatriate something is “given“ - it means it is necessary to take. What is the wood was grazed - nobody explained, but I received it and went with it to Germany: suddenly and I will come tearing along back to Israel, I fall to the ground and I will tell: “Now, my Historical Homeland, from you I will not leave anywhere!“ Having moved on the bridge, I stretch to the frontier guard an orange book, including it the international passport. “This document to you grants only the right to return to the country of an outcome and back“ - began, was, the Polish frontier guard. Did not doubt that having received five euros, it will become more hospitable: “I have enough this note that you to pass, and here in Germany - that you will not be let“ After eight months in Israel, I very much wanted to visit old Jewish quarters where could enjoy ashkenazsky kitchen under heart-felt songs into Yiddish. My first city appeared Lublin, and as the local from - for my ignorance of local sight was indignant: “There was Auschwitz! Here and to their spirit...“ - but stopped short, having looked at me - “Tam the museum was opened - welcome!“ - “Is not present, it is better you to us, to Kolyma! There too, speak, opened the museum“ Walking on wonderful small streets of Krakow and listening to songs into Yiddish from small cafes, I stayed in some euphoria! If from Poland to Germany it is impossible, then, we will enter from the Czech Republic! The Slovak Tatra mountains mountains fascinated me: beauty of the road repeating bends of the fast river was surrounded by the mountains decorated with the wood with wonderful paints of fall! And tops of mountains as if crowns, crowned ancient castles! If I was dressed on - sports, I would scramble to lock ruins, would nestle on its century walls, covered eyes and would “hear“ a ring of a knightly armor, clatter of hoofs, a scratch of the passed carriage, rustling of ball dresses. I always begin the memories of Europe with beauty of Tatra mountains! At border with the Czech Republic I stop the car: “You to the Czech Republic? To us on the way“ At the check point the driver greeted the familiar frontier guard, having reported that I am his acquaintance - so I drove to the Czech Republic without mark in the passport! Cash ended quicker, than planned. All pay off on plastic cards, and I decided to make experiment: and how many it will be required to the seller of time to learn about lack of money on my bank account? I stretch the card: a hamburger, the cook - Coca and Malboro`s pack. Worked! First thought: electronics glitched! I come into restaurant and I do the big order - again worked! I come in Prague to Rotonda hotel: “Suite!“ - “It will cost you 270 euros in one days“ - “And I about cost do not ask you!“ At breakfast at restaurant I occupy a little table and I depart behind food - a buffet. I come back, I remove the magazine in German, and I calm the indignant owner of the magazine: “At first there was my bag, but there will be enough place. Bon appetit!“ - “I with the Jew will not sit down at one table!“ - “Ooh as I now 45 - y will remind year you!“ The owner of the magazine took seat in a far corner of the hall and so far ate, slantwise looked in my party. I stretch a card for calculation for a lodging for the night and I hear: “On your card it is written: And therefore I ask you to pay “Valid only in Israel“ cash, the ATM at your service“ And the ATM - that did not give money to me! Having left them an orange book, I left, allegedly, for a while behind money. I have in a pocket one more passport, here only without mark about arrival in the Czech Republic: as though I here from a parachute was dumped! The parachutist should get out somehow from here!? I try through Slovakia, Poland, Germany, Austria - unsuccessful attempts came to an end with deportation back to the Czech Republic with the mark in the passport forbidding entry into these countries. In immigration service I report that stole the passport according to which I drove to the Czech Republic from me. The employee long found out something by phones and suddenly with strange gloss in eyes reported that my passport was found also it in a police station - near Rotonda hotel! To an orange book to the specified address it was applied 24 - the summer hazardous investigator. In a few minutes in a site came running to be convinced of my arrest, the hotel administrator with a box of cakes - not for me, of course, I that day was on a diet! Before interrogation the room was entered by mine “the old acquaintance“ - the translator: “You already know the rights by heart! - he said with irony - there are requests?“ - “I demand Consuls of Russia and Israel and it is obligatory with members of the media - I have for them very interesting material: as the Czech police renders private services! And someone`s career died!“ - I hissed already towards the investigator. Itself did not expect such reaction: the young and hazardous investigator sharply turned pale and began to move down from a chair! I was quickly taken away from an office, justified and released, but only for the fourth day, specially, under days off - when consulates do not work! I passed

From the Czech Republic to Germany through “green border“. At night, being guided on stars through the wood. I learned it in youth when I was fond of hunting and tourism, there could be several days in the wood, passing a day forty and more kilometers. No, I not “decided to remember youth“, and in “Society of Hunters“ frontiers did not learn to break me. It was the optimal solution to flee “the hospitable Czech Republic“ in which to me closed entrance for 10 years! It is impossible to Slovakia - 3 years, to Poland - 6 years, to Austria - 5 years, to Germany - 6 years. My practical researches of chambers of temporary contents and a food allowance of detainees in the above-mentioned countries showed that the best treatment of illegal immigrants - in Germany and in Austria, so: I will reach Russia through Germany and Scandinavia. But not from Austria through the Alps “Suvorov`s track“.

I Leave in the afternoon to the high-speed highway and I go at a roadside. Gas stations and shopping centers are located no more than through three kilometers. Politsa stop: “Shnel in the car! Ausvays!“ reported something on a handheld transceiver, and the rough voice something answered it. “Goats! Already on the computer punched!“ We stop near a supermarket on parking. “Leave!“ “The soldering of a local skilly was decided to be bought me in a prison cell? Well, I now, to you, goats, will list: Malboro`s block, Smirnovskaya`s liter!“ - “We brought you on parking - here it will be more convenient to you to agree with drivers“

Within three days has the luck to eat to me one apples which grew along the road. In Hamburg I come into a local synagogue: “I did not eat three days“ the Rabbi left and returned with a big package somewhere: “Bon appetit!“ And in a package - that appeared - again apples!

In the city at the North Sea I was in the evening and could not find port. To ask - a problem! In Germany at this time days on the street it is possible to meet only the compatriot and, as a rule, “on an automatic pilot“. I will resolve a question with a lodging for the night, and since morning I will continue searches of port and - on the ferry to Denmark! In two months extremely - romantic travel I introduce the tested method: mine to no - Hau No. 7. I rise in the regular bus and I speak to the driver: “I need a police station and ask to report when you pass by“ - “On this route I will not pass by a police station, but I can contact the dispatcher, and at terminal station you will be waited by the police car“ - “Zer a buzzing!“ In a couple of minutes the driver reported that the car already follows to the final bus-stop. Ouch and service! Adventures - proceed! On the police officer of “Forde“ gave a ride to me to the building from glass and aluminum. Business - the center, perhaps!? Once again before representatives of a law and order “I embody the method“ - “I got into an extreme situation and is forced to get home a self-locking device. It is impossible for me to your country six years, but I was voluntarily and I consider that I the act do not deserve such type of punishment as isolation from society“. My personal experiences on themselves showed, the first: representatives of a law and order had imprudence to inform me of the Geneva convention and I knew the rights. The second: the police does not love foreigners because it is necessary to invite the translator, the representative of consulate and the employee, authorized to conduct negotiations. The third: the illegal immigrant - not the criminal, the illegal immigrant - a problem! Maintenance, food, clothes, medical aid, negotiations with consulate, its transportation and still a lot of things. The fourth: the police does not love asking. “You can solve the problems? - A more power to you!“ Of course, they will ask: where you are going to sleep on what to go or what you will eat, without breaking laws of other country? The fifth: as the worst option - my deportation to the Czech Republic. To carry through all Germany! And for whose, allow to ask, the account? And whether the Czech Republic will accept me!? So far the duty police officer contacted the administration while they looked for the translator - I fell asleep at them in a chair. The person on duty, probably, wanted the same, and I was invited “in numbers“: “The chamber arranges?“ - “Thank you that not Buchenwald!“ Police officers did not take offense, but I, of course, apologized. “Slept? - the Russian-speaking police officer asked - you are free, it seemed to us that you had no place to sleep yesterday. With you if you do not object, representatives of immigration service want to have a talk, they in that office“ In the room with upholstered furniture and a coffee table sat two Russian-speaking guys, years on thirty. “You the third time illegally crossed border of Germany. Perhaps, you want to immigrate to our country, then you need to fill in these forms, and we will bring you to camp for immigrants“. - “Thanks for the offer, but my answer will be negative“. - “We want to offer the help - we buy the ticket to Berlin where you solve the problem in Embassies of Russia and Israel. Or: you are two weeks under arrest. It is the law. Then you are put into the plane of the company “Lufthansa of AG“, and you fly to Moscow, St. Petersburg, Tel - Abibus“ - “Is one more option: I go to Bremen to my friends, I borrow money, I buy the ticket and I leave your country“ Guys in German talked over among themselves: “Minutes through forty we will return your passport with the visa for ten days. Ten days will be enough for you?“ - “Zer a buzzing!“ The passport with the visa had an appendix: the letter on three sheets with the seals which I have to give to the frontier guard at departure from Germany, differently - I will be in search.

In society the Red Cross worked the former compatriots. I waved before them the letter on three sheets - it seems, nobody understood anything in German. “Canned food, grain and which - is necessary for me for movement through Scandinavia that from clothes“. From friends heard: “You, without knowing language, and for the first time in Bremen! Where you took it?“ - “Here to you forty addresses in Hamburg and thirty two addresses in Bremen“ you will notice a monument “Musicians“ in Bremen Not at once. It is established near a cathedral of Saint Peter and meter three in height. From the fairy tale it has no relation to musicians. It was established about 600 years ago and symbolizes: The burro is the people which pull on itself(himself) army - the Dog, ministers - Kot and the king - the Rooster. Ten days flew by - as one. At the friend of money it did not appear, someone took to translate the letter and did not return. On the East - it is impossible, on the South - it is impossible. But whether not to go to me to the West!?

In Amsterdam in a quarter known, gays wanted me to make

the bride

the Charitable hotel from society “Red Cross“ in Amsterdam is located in a quarter of “Pink lamps“ moreover and without plate. Such is, probably, there was Mother Teresa`s will. Long I press on the call button, and the door is not opened - and what it is so possible to be fond of not to hear a call whether and that is the address? On the street a rain - to ask there is nobody. I enter the next institution under a red lamp with the big sign “Duty Dak“ and here ignored the plate on a door - and it is vain! Wiped the glasses of points which so far misted over from the street until examined an interior at intimate lighting, then I see that there are I lit with bright light in the center of a dance pavilion as on a podium. From - for racks the bartender with the person on duty greets with a smile me as if the lodger (fie - fie - fie), and one men sit at little tables and look at me - “the new skirt“ is estimated! Well - well! The majority “make eyes“ - I perceive as a compliment! It is flattered that I still can excite someone! Someone turned away defiantly: “you supposedly not in my taste“. Oh - oh - oh! Would look at himself better, the pederast unfortunate! And at that couple, seemingly, one of them in me sees the competitor - is jealous! Again it is flattered! Oppa - nk, and two bulls already rose from - for little tables and go to me! Yes, such virginities will deprive - and will not manage to squeal! Well, is not present, pederasts, I in your city not for the sake of this exotic! I thrust to the bartender under nose a piece of paper with the address - “Where it?“ In a year brought me to these regions again and I try to resolve an issue with a lodging for the night. I do not remember the name of that street any more so I will look for “the next institution“. I wander about narrow small streets of the red light district and I only provoke the search “representatives of the most ancient profession“ to roughness and resolute actions. The competition - a capitalism grin! And it is so short and in the channel to bathe! I open a door of small hotel, and the owner advises: “Why to you Duty Dak? Take from me the room, order the boy, here and phone numbers. And I am pleasant to you?“ I come to the bar, music rattles - the plane will muffle! I call up gesture of the bartender and I shout to it in an ear the name of a required institution. The bartender switches off music and declares in the microphone: “Here is one pitas... looks for “Duty Dak“ - is eager “for thrills to himself to one place“ - so give we to it we will help! “ The amicable drunk laughter sounded for me as a gun shot on start, and I that evening established a personal record in obstacle race in the form of channels.

to See Paryzh and - to survive!

the Train from Brussels goes to Paris about three hours, but is fast which goes hour fifteen. Fare, I apologize, did not take an interest, and here penalty size in the receipt - would not wish you! Car width - as at the plane! Softness of the course - as if flies by air. Near socket chairs: you connect the laptop and - you on the Internet. In cars payphones with any city of the world, separate rooms for talk by the mobile phone and, understood not at once, on an entrance to a room the picture: “the person“, inside a little table, a wash basin - for replacement of pampers to the child lies on one side!

Well, lamp shade, madam and monsieur! Did not wait? Sorry - forgot to warn!

Walking by Paris decided to recognize: and after what in shops of a lyagushatin? “Frog“ on Georgian - BAKAKI, in Hebrew - TsFARDEA. And here in English - I do not remember. And to look at price tags it is useless - I do not know French. To explain with a pantomime - to jump and croak before the seller - the butcher dangerously - will think that I call his “splash pool“! Judging by gammon size on a plate - the lyagushechka turns out in the diameter of centimeters of 30 - 40! I and without points will see such “goods“! I go shopping and I try to discover in meat departments of Russian, Jew, Georgian and big green goggle-eyed amphibious! But whether in shops “Live fish“ it is necessary to look for that-? Such monster in an aquarium floats and wags with the gammons, and French having a burr look and slobber! My searches do not bring results, and passion from it only increases! And these goods at them seasonal can? So not winter outside! Eureka! Lyagushatinka - that at them is deficiency! Here that means, to appear in due time in the right place! And if the Frenchman without frog that the Ukrainian without fat!? What is necessary for cultivation of frogs - mosquitoes yes a bog - it in Russia more than oil and gas! Gammons - in restaurants with an exotic cuisine, skins - on kozhzavoda, giblets - in canned food for dogs and cats - waste-free production! And already I represent how guest workers graze herds of my frogs on bogs. Still I open firm on extermination of insects by an environmentally friendly method: the unit (green and goggle-eyed) is weighed, given on leasing and is weighed at return. A difference in weight - the cost of the destroyed insects. And already purpose of my searches not stolkabout the price, - the prices I will dictate the to you soon! - and how to get and take out couple of individuals of these gold-bearing Amphibia! And that I suffer!? whether not to try to apply to me the most checked and fulfilled Russian method in Israel: “Hey... your mother! Here though somebody speaks Russian?!“ Worked! Found and gave the cleaner which is a little understanding in Russian from the next supermarket.

of PS: For inquisitive: the lyagushechya gammons peeled of skin are 25 percent more expensive than some chicken quarters.

In Monte - Carlo not only a casino

Having cut out from the Round the world magazine of a photo: Jacques Yves Cousteau with the son Philip, I stored it in a frame on a desk! Movies and books of oceanologists - researchers exerted strong impact on my young brain, and I rushed off in section of underwater swimming! There I for the first time stepped to other world, was learned on the instructor of underwater sport and the diver 2 - go a class. The person under water has one and a half kilograms of positive buoyancy, and an aqualung - one and a half kilograms negative. The underwater swimmer becomes the weightless inhabitant of other planet! You will wave flippers and - you soar, and an aqualung by inertia - on a nape! You tighten belts and - you soar in zero gravity further. Warm water has a cloud appearance: you will dive into a heat bath, you will be warmed and again in cold transparent. At good visibility of soil, the head is pleasantly turned! You have a strange feeling when the reference point is lost: it is invisible neither soil, nor a surface: where top, and where bottom!? You determine by bubbles - there a surface.

Once in mountains I was in a glacier. From the tunnel in the thickness of ice flows hrustalno - a pure current with coast - paths. And in an ice cave from all directions of color of a sea wave light flows!

At economy, has enough air in the device almost for an hour. Ashore with 27 kilograms the fatigue in legs, and compressor - above a steep slope is felt. In the Odessa sea club there was an instructor Jascha with large build and the big fan to joke. In the evening, coming back from immersions, we saw a couple on the beach. “And what now - will be a hokhma!“, - Jascha told, With an aqualung and three diving knives he left the sea near a couple: “Excuse me. THIS Sofetsky Union? Well, at last we reached!“ in the morning all Odessa only also told Thanks: “Vee was heard!? Yesterday on the beach Komsomol the American strongly armed landing landed!“ The number of saboteurs was called the most different! The small fellow with a mask and flippers of green color came to my group. When saw that swimming trunks on it too green, Jascha did not keep: “You are a young frog!“ - “If I am a young frog, then you are a pressure chamber!“ So these two nicknames were also fixed in our club! One of exercises: under water on soil the aqualung lies, to it two dive and breathe in turn. In words - that everything is simple: breathed itself - give another. When you take out a mouthpiece from a mouth - the part of air escapes outside. The part - is spent. You insert a mouthpiece - the remains escape. Before a sigh it is necessary to make a strong exhalation - to remove the water remains of a hose. To exhale there is nothing - it is necessary to drink. Yes there is a lot of! And sea water has property of laxative! Come to the coast: stomachs are inflated from drunk! Those who did not plunge yet ask council them: “Well, as!?“ What councils when frustration symptoms quickly - quickly begin to be shown, and the place of public use - at top of the high abrupt coast can be! Also beginners run - if only to be in time! Or - on the left in a bush!

In Israel worked and lived in one rental apartment with one compatriot. I ask that for a headdress at it “The Neptune and an inscription Chernomor“? “Participated in scientific expeditions: Chernomor - was an aquanaut in underwater houses 1 and Chernomor - 2“ - “In the early seventies!? In Gelendzhik!? So you know Alexander Podrazhansky!? The doctor - the physiologist V. Grinevich!?“ - “To Sashk - that and Vasily Antonovich? I know, of course! And you from where them you know?“ - “Got acquainted with them, in absentia, on other planet!“

Revived all these memoirs in me near the well-known Museum of Oceanography in Monaco! An entrance under tickets, and Society the Red Cross the free admission, alas - did not provide! The security guard on an entrance two, and is always easier to agree with one. It is advisable to separate them. “Huy! Your boss had to receive the fax about my arrival. I from the Russian Academy of Sciences, write about your Museum“ - I began, swinging at them before a nose the red passport with “char-grilled chicken“ on a cover: “Descend - report about me to your boss! “ - “Today the boss output, you come tomorrow. I can present you the booklet about our museum“ Well, well, thanks and on it is I represent huge pleasure! Interestingly, and when they have a changing of the guard? My tour already passed for the second month - I will wait still! Walking, noticed: only one was replaced. I approach: “At people of my circle time is always limited. I will go to the museum now, and tomorrow I will tell your boss what excellent guys serve in his team!“ Did not give a ride! Having tried still few times, I make the decision: visit of your Museum does not include in my plans. Here in the following tour I will surely make happy you with the person! Calming itself, I go along a facade and I enter a door with the sign “Souvenirs“ And an exit - that from the Museum - in Suveniry shop Two security guards talk, on me - zero attention! There was no wish - yes, it was necessary! I leave the Museum, and pass has those security guards who refused to me on an entrance! «Sorry, monsieur! I thought that this continuation of shop. Got lost!“

of the Fairy tale of Gianni Rodari, pizza and Mastroianni

At spontaneous travel meet pleasant surprises more often! Not as did not expect on the embankment in San - Remo to see a big beautiful Orthodox church of Saint Alexander Nevsky! There was a Sunday liturgy, and I entered under its arches. “What is your name and from where you?“ - the priest Patre Dionysius upon termination of the sermon asked me. “Alexander from St. Petersburg“ - “I invite you, Alexander, to a meal“. At the head of a Sunday holiday table sat Patre Dionysius with the deacon and Prince Obolensky with the spouse - he supervises all Orthodox churches in Western Europe, lives in Nice where he teaches at university. Alexander is a doctor from St. Petersburg, lives three years in Italy, works on care of aged. Alexander is an artist from St. Petersburg, twenty years lived in Paris, and now in San - Remo works on a list in the temple. The artist was the most drunk and sang everything: “A cornet Obolensky, pour some wine“ it already began to bother the Prince, and he told: “Yes I never drank with lieutenants! And with cornets - especially! I have no relation to this song!“ On the termination of a meal the artist began to persuade to remain me till the morning: tomorrow you will go. As then it became clear - he has nobody was to drink. Here only I am not accustomed to wine if, what is stronger! At each station in halls of the suburban message I took

schedules necessary to me from the stand - everywhere it free. And in Italy of such stand it did not appear. Large - that the cities are known, and intermediate small? How to go? Having taken an interest in the direction of the train standing at a platform: Whether “To France?“ - it was necessary for me on the West - I took the place in the car. The train mountain tunnels carried me: tunnels, tunnels. Will flash behind a window several peaked snow tops, and again tunnels, tunnels. The town in the north of Italy in the Alps surrounded with peaked snow-covered tops was terminal station! Beauty! Saw different mountains, and the Alps - beauty special! I in the train made a mistake: got into the first car and was in full view of the motorman. Before the last stop he on communication called the police and showed them on the first compartment where the guy of an untidy look still went. The police enters and there is enough guy, returned for me a bit later. In a site the guy to me gesticulated: “You have to sit here on a bench, but not I!“ Procedure of deportation from Italy back to France did not differ from other countries. You fill in the questionnaire with questions in several languages, three poses for photos, fingerprints. On the car brought to gendarmerie of the boundary city Manton, near Monte - Carlo and handed over. “Splash pools“ in French Riviera were not such zealous as their colleagues “guineas“: “You can solve the problem? Then why you sit here? Forward!“

At stations under a sign: a white board with a red Gothic cross - representative offices of Society the Red Cross. In free cafe you will be given a tray with food. You pour tea and coffee. There are fresh newspapers and magazines in several languages. At the stand you can take listings with addresses (how to pass - to pass, business hours, types of the given help, etc.) all branches in this city - the issue with food (including “dry ration“), warm clothes and a lodging for the night is so resolved. In the same place, you will meet many compatriots living in Europe quite long time. I called them “foreign Bums“ At some, there are even no documents! At exchange of information, you find out: local sights, features in work of police where it is more convenient to overstep the limits, addresses of charitable institutions, etc. of

to go a self-locking device very conveniently. You write the destination on a cardboard and you stand on a roadside not longer than 20 minutes. Without effort on parking you find cars with numbers of the CIS countries, many our drivers work abroad under the contract - “the will see the brother-in-law from far away“. A shortcoming - at night drivers, as a rule, sleep. In such countries as Poland, Turkey, Cyprus - for nothing carry seldom. you will see

In trains of the suburban message of the auditor not often. The sleeping passenger is forbidden to be awoken - here comments are excessive! Once in 4 nights got on the train, to go about an hour, fell asleep and woke up in 11 - nobody woke! What will be made by the auditor? Will issue the receipt on payment of a penalty (80%) - at me these receipts was, more, than for two thousand euros! Will listen and will go further (17%). Can politely ask to descend from the train, but it is very rare (1%). It is an extreme! Will hand over polices (2%) - and I am necessary to them!? In fast trains one - two conductors on all structure. They loudly declare: “Prepare tickets!“ Check not in pass as “ours“, and entering a compartment. To bypass a compartment with the auditor - not a problem. Phrases, type are effective: “I appeared in an extreme situation. There, where I go, there lives my friend. It will give me help“ One more trick, having got a fan bank plastic cards: “I could not (was not in time, the terminal did not work, or, did not give the ATM) to acquire the ticket. I will be able to buy the ticket from you?“ - “Forgive, but your card is not read“ - “Perhaps, it is a problem with bank. I will try to withdraw at the following station money in the ATM“ - “At the following station there will be a short stop. I recommend station where to you there will be enough time“ in forty minutes there was a case when the conductor asked the person on duty to detain on the station departure of the train while I descend in hotel where there was the next ATM! In three hours, having acquired on the town, I safely got on the following train.

At the normal person will arise a question: if the honest person appears in an extreme situation, really there are no honest ways to come back home? In Embassies of Russia the answer short: “Contact the family, let will send you the translation money“ For comparison, in Embassies of Israel: “On a little table there is free phone. Gather 911, then 04 - with you will speak Russian. Report number of the passport, and they will already contact your family, relatives, bank, work and they (or at the expense of the state) will pay there your air ticket which you receive here. If the passport is lost, then we will make the duplicate now - but you receive it only together with the air ticket“.

Quite pertinent someone will have a question: that for strange searches of an extreme in others unfamiliar countries at the age of fifty years!? I answer: these trips: and in a year again three months over 20 countries I had three months “not from good life“! Ask me them to repeat - Yes, do not bring My God!

stood small construction with a barrier On border of Italy and Slovenia. The coast I will not pass - the place open. Only wood. But whether not to try to pass to me through the check point?! “Hello, where you go?“ - “I go through Slovenia to Yugoslavia, further Hungary, Ukraine and Russia. .“ - “Wait! I will try to help you!“ He spoke with someone by phone and reported: “In two hours you receive a plane ticket, and tomorrow morning take off for Moscow by plane of Aeroflot. Please, do not worry! All this is at the expense of Italy!“ - “Sing, sing, wastebaskets!“ - I thought “To us it is necessary to issue small formalities“ - “On a cheap show off take, garbage!?“, - I thought and agreed. In a room five by five meters sat three young people (two played on computers), to me indicated a chair far away from an entrance. On my chair the belt with “the Beretta - 7,2“ in a holster lay. I showed to my “Godfather“ - only he spoke English. Guys exchanged glances, smiled and ordered to sit down to me from above. There is a toilet the fourth and looks for the belt. Those three shrug shoulders supposedly did not see, we do not know, you were without it. “I will not tease geese“ - I thought and rose from a chair. “I know at you F. Fellini, M. Mastroianni, Sophia Loren (I listed popular Italian surnames for a long time)“ And whom you know in Russia?“ “To Kournikov!!!“ - chorus frontier guards cried out. One of them very much liked to sing, and I sang the Neapolitan song in Russian: “Tell, girls, your girlfriend“ - an applause of my listeners were sincere and warm! What at them for the instruction, I do not know, but they fed me all day and took offense when I refused. Carried me in Management where filled papers and photographed. “Languages you know only Russian and English?“ - “Hebrew“ - “What is language?“ - “Language - Bibles! Language of Israel!“ A pause, and - police officers chorus: “CRAZY! “ After dactyloscopy of a hand you wash with the soap similar to a beaten brick (and, in all countries!) . On a wall it is drawn the shooter, specifying: “SOAP“. Inscriptions - in 15 languages! In Venice to the TU plane ladder - 154 I brought prior to landing. When police officers drove off, I approached the stewardess: “Where my documents?“ - “You together with documents were ordered to transfer to the Russian authorities“ When on the plane distributed food, I asked the stewardess whether there is no bread yet. “That!? Bread! And, maybe, still a lunch want!?“ - “Hi, Russia - the mother!“ (the second lunch brought to me, though did not ask). In Sheremetyevo - 2 at a ladder I was waited by UAZ with the second lieutenant. I waved to it from a ladder. “It is your documents? Go with passengers, we will meet in air terminal“ I Waited for frontier guards long. “At us nobody understands in Italian. What at you occurred? “ - “I told them that stole a wallet with money from me, and they put me in the plane“ - “You have no money!?“ - “Here and I think: why I to you without money!?“ - “Here your documents. You - are free“ In Okulovke in a waiting room I dozed off and I hear how someone awakes me. After three months in Europe, in the sleep I began to explain something in English. I was faced by the militiaman: “And you in Russian speak? I only wanted to ask when your train?“

of PS. At night I near the house am stopped by a police car. “Chyo so late you walk? And sho in a bag? Documents!“ - “With the woman quarreled - I come back home“ - “Yes, you live in this area. And what so late - that? You do not work anywhere, perhaps!?“ In a few minutes this dialogue began to irritate me: “I am a citizen of other state. Let`s invite the consul? “ Questions were not any more.

Along coniferous forests went Hamlet to VOLVO

B school - that the atlas Finland close, and in practice … Behind - Vyborg, on hours - by midnight, on a calendar - January, and on the thermometer - Christmas! From the fact that the warm linen in a bag, but not on me - became warmer not, and the Israeli clothes. alas - under other climate. Unexpectedly stop “Zhiguli“ and the driver in a camouflage kindly plows up a door. “Color scale of clothes“ - words in our country alien, so - alien. That, all are dressed at colors khaki, - in gray, now - all in a camouflage: hunters and security officers (often I confuse them), mushroom pickers and defenders, foreign workers. I am fastened and hear: “I you, incidentally, mixed with the acquaintance“ to Tell as if I in him am heatedoh to the car at a seat belt jammed the lock? - “I will give way to your acquaintance - I will change on a back seat“ - I say, kindly offering the Pyotr the First cigarette that the mouth was borrowed from it. “And where you go?“ - already with metal in a voice the driver asks. “Through Finland to Belgium to Antwerp“ - having relaxed in heat, I answer, thinking of the: I try to remember something in Finnish, except: Meath Max? - how much? - “And what visa at you?“, the driver is not appeased. “Why to me the visa“, I only began, remembering in Finnish: terve, yuks, kaks - hello, one, two. But the driver does not listen to me any more. Having increased speed, giving some commands by the mobile phone, and having turned off road, we drive in the territory of a frontier post. He called someone from darkness and, having ordered same “in motley“ to rise at my door, was dissolved in a gloom. It returned with the company: “You already not for the first time here and so go to Finland!?“ It was necessary to tell about the Israeli passport which grants the right for entry into 90 countries without visa. Frontier guards gave a ride to me to a barrier and put in a passing car to two Russian passengers, having ordered them to carry me to Finland - foot walks in a border area in our country are forbidden. “What course at the Finnish brand?“ - I begin business conversation. “In Finland 8 years of euro! You there were not so long ago?“ - “For the first time“, I answer, without knowing what to add: I go, I go, I reach. “Then do not say to them that you from Russia - all of us for them - bandits! You have a phrasebook?“ - “I will be met“ Yes, by expensive police, “my black fingers“ - across all Europe! Than Finland is worse!? At the check point the woman in the uniform long enough thumbed through my all stamped Russian passport, the route empty, she has no place to hurry - female curiosity. “You received the passport recently and were already in time very much where to visit?!“ - “Hotels in which I staid would not wish you! “Sheraton“ and “Hilton“ - did not stand near mine“ the Finnish frontier guard, briskly talking to the colleagues, put “head over heels“ a stamp in the passport, so never and without having looked at me - here - that Europe any more! The guy in a fascist form - as if from filmings entered the room for the smoking passengers of the train! From its phrases with passengers I managed to sort that in their organization there is a leader - Hitler, there are the charter and the program. Concerned me, squeezing a pocket an elbow - the Israeli passport would not drop out! At an entrance to Sweden I passed the stop and I jump out on following. The only building - the station, and that is closed on the padlock, and around only the wood, snow and someone the meeting car. “I passed the stop. How many to it kilometers?“ - “About 40. By the same train you will be able to pass to final and to descend on the way back“ Here who could have foretold that that there will be I behind the Polar Circle where the station at station is locked for the night too! “Today nine degrees of a frost, - the local calmed me: - Yesterday there was minus thirty“ And as at night on a frost dance a tap dance - this subject not for the faint-hearted forgets!

the Majestic Castle of Hamlet - sight of the port town where there arrives the ferry from Sweden. How to find the Little Mermaid in Copenhagen if you do not know this word in English? In Hebrew - the Daughter of the sea. To ask passersby: “You speak Russian or in Hebrew?“ I enter into hotel and I point a finger at a card with the image of the heroine of the fairy tale: “Where it?“ The employee on the tourist card designated a route and separately wrote the required word on Danish and English. On a fork of streets on my question in English, sounded with the Odessa emphasis in Russian: “And vi, from where?“ A statue in port in the country and on foot about an hour. It is made full-scale in meters of three from the coast. The monument and the children`s square nearby harmoniously supplement each other. “What you long, the Little girl? There would be no you from copper, our desires would coincide!“

Of course, in wonder, to see on a morning snowball a set of hare traces in the center of the capital! Not rabbits from a cage ran away!?

In the Museum of a sensuality behind a bullet-proof glass Marilyn Monroe`s dress in which she sang on Birthday of D. Kennedy. Over an entrance to the Museum of miracles a sign: “It is impossible to believe in it!“ Exhibits are exposed: the most tall person, the lowest, the thickest, women with the longest neck and with four eyes (on two pupils in each eyeball), the man with the longest nose (20 cm), a two-headed calf, accrete lambs, hairy fish, etc. Local Cabinet of curiosities! In narrow long pass suddenly it appear on a suspension bridge over an abyss, and from above the rockfall falls upon you with noise! It after silent - that effigies such entrance to the Museum of effects! You run on the tunnel and - you on a cemetery where from a grave the dead man rises by you! Along a narrow twisting corridor you go further and in one of flank back streets from which human groan is heard about the help. You look inside - and from there people gives to you the shivering hand! Through a small window with a lattice you see the prisoner chained to a wall in a chamber and you notice that the door of a chamber is slightly opened. You approach in the twilight to the open door - and from a chamber on you there is a person! Having already jumped aside and having calmed down, you understand, it was - your reflection in a mirror! “Nail“ of effects: you appear on an ocean coast, hear shouts of seagulls and noise of waves. Through trunks of palm trees you see the sea, the beach, a fishing hut and - the beautiful naked girl. You bypass a palm tree to approach it closer and - the girl disappeared! In total on the place, as well as was, and they are is not present! You come back - there is a girl, did not leave! You begin to come nearer - disappeared! And so several times! Well, not the roof moved down! Having a little calmed down, you begin to analyze: the girl is in a fishing hut, and on the beach - a mirror. You change a point of view - reflection changes! From the Museum of effects, at additional expense, you get to Andersen`s Museum. You go on the paved evening small street of the port town, listen to grumble of passersby, clatter of hoofs and a scratch of the vehicle. In windows of houses by the light of luchin children somewhere frolic, somewhere drink tea, and somewhere the girl sits at needlework. The street brings you on the embankment where you hear shouts of seagulls, a scratch of masts and splash of waves at the mooring. You enter the house and it appear in a study of the writer - the storyteller.

On the route from Copenhagen I stop the bus. The driver from Moscow, twelve years in Denmark. It and his wife there were geologists. Now - he is a driver, she is a housewife, the son - the student. Half a year ago hundred square meters near the sea bought the house. At supper learned the recipe of pork on - Danish: apples and honey are added to stewed meat. Discussed. what Denmark gave to the world. “Yes Vikings peddled old stuff to Columbus! And famous scientist Niels Bohr!“ - “Claim that Pomors through the North Pole traded with Aleuts - found similarity in languages! And Niels Bohr, by the way, was Jew“ in the Morning their friend, the former Petersburg came.

On plank beds of German

Was in my European tour a small stop “in places of confinement“ - for violation of a visa regime: sentence of 60 days. The first three days keep in “quarantine“ - pass medical examination (more than 10 experts!) and on 5 times a day the chamber is visited by the doctor whether there are complaints. I of “a chair delay“ complained. The doctor left, and cellmates calm me: “It from unusual food, an inactive way of life. We have the same problem! Wait, everything is normalized soon“ the doctor, and in hands - an enema Comes back! And I since the childhood am afraid of IT! And here also in freckled hands of the fascist with the rolled-up sleeves! And when before my eyes what was seen in the Jerusalem museum of Accident flew - I feel, my problem now quickly - will quickly be resolved! I address tooth: “here at me tooth is broken - put a crown, here - replace a seal with white. And, in general, make to me “the Hollywood smile!“ Doctors appeared difficult: “With the German seals the Russian and Israeli customs will not pass you!“ Only my box bed had some socket. I ask the security guard, and that laughs: “It is gas! As learn that you from Israel - so it will be let in!“ Comer of 50 square meters it is intended on 3 - 4 persons (25 m of kV - on 1 - 2 people) . Clothes will give out - a full case! In chambers fresh newspapers and magazines in several languages. Are resolved in chambers of a card play and storage of a porn. In the morning persons interested come for walk. A prison court yard the area about a half of stadium with the platform for pass soccer, the platform for basketball, with two tennis courts and three tables for table tennis. For persons interested there is production and there something collect for Mercedes for decent (to the European measures) a salary. The food is carried on chambers by three times a day, and you still choose from the offered range (the menu for the week ahead is hung out for acquaintance). For 6 hours a day open doors of chambers, and all visit to each other (from man`s cases in female cases not to pass). On chambers missionaries from various religious concessions and the representative of district social security go: distribute tea, coffee, cigarettes etc. and transfer into your score 30 - 50 (and 15 more from the state) EURO in a month. There is a payphone, shop (on a clearing settlement), carry library literature (in Russian only anti-Soviet!) Sentenced to a life sentence contain together with all on the same conditions. I tried to write letters - complaints to a synagogue, but they came back from - for the wrong address. The compatriot that I helped it to write the letter to the girl addresses me. Well, here I tried! I recite, as from a scene, and it as the pupil on a dictation!

Between us a lattice and walls concrete,

I of separation cruel days monotonous.

But difficulties time will erase these, If at liberty you someone waits for


A as suffered my cellmates from my snore strengthened by concrete walls! And what only they did not invent: that a sphere from clothes, and that - a bottle from the cook - stakes will attach to my back, and I calm them: “Write administrations the collective letter with signatures of neighbors behind a wall that to you terms considered as NIGHT in a YEAR! Or - let I am put in private clinic on operation and improve sheaves in a throat (at the expense of prison). Room was made in a two person cell, and there are on it no persons interested because the neighbor - the Black. And I in Israel got used to Blacks - here and thrust. In the evening, having found out that it from Kenya where in the Serengeti National Park there are a lot of buffalo s, elephants and lions, I “pleased“ him: “On what I also congratulate you! Now you will feel at home every night!“ From next evening he began to go to bed in the tied cap with ear-flaps: whether it became cold to it, whether - he did not want to remember “house“. Carry somehow in the afternoon food, and I awake the Black (he began to make up for the dream in the afternoon!) : “Get up - a lunch!“ And it corrects me: “It is not a lunch, and lunch“ - “In Russia of lunch is not present“ - “You in Russia have no lunch because there is nothing to eat! Here you will move away communists from the Kremlin - then lunch will appear!“

of PS A as I did not want “on freedom with a clear conscience“! I remember the prison menu still: the chickens fried schnitzel natural... As in expensive cafe! Put on weight on harcha state! (and how many products threw out!) Police asked to deport me to Russia. And Russia - the mother as the security guard Dima from Kiev told, refused to pay for me the bill of Germany: “It has two nationalities - let pays Israel!“ I did not believe the security guard, the ticket saw only at the airport of Frankfurt am Main. Was upset, of course! The gun perhaps will allow to pull out from a holster at one of the accompanying police officers - let one more term!? In the plane I was put the first and I at once called the steward: “Vodka to me, 300 it is urgent!“ - “We yet can offer nothing to you from snack“ - “Tomato juice!“ Two tsirik accompanying me did not object and did not interfere. At the airport Ben - Gurion the Israeli police asked for me a thumbmark of the right hand.