How children endure divorce?
When already sputtered out all attempts on building relations between spouses, reconciliation is impossible, the only exit from developed situations is a divorce.
When divorce becomes reality, it is desirable to resolve issues of this period of life so that interests and feelings of all family members were considered.
Many parents have big hope for what children not strongly endure concerning divorce therefore all weight of experiences is assumed only, ignoring feelings of the small child, the teenager. Divorce always causes sense of guilt in parents. Hope that it is possible to divorce, without having caused to children of pain, parents widely open doors to such mechanisms of protection as denial and replacement. It prevents to endure divorce to children in time and sensitively and to adult
Having wishful thinking, parents do not notice how their children suffer from - for divorce. Are absorbed by the passions and offenses, they do not wish to take seriously those signs which children signal about the misfortunes and fears. Quite often children at the same time as if play for one with parents. Because, being in a similar difficult situation, they do not wish to look in the face to the experiences that forces them to deny the problems. It is often found situation. Scientific literature claims that divorce belongs to those events in the child`s life which often lead all to formation of neurotic symptoms (a night incontience, difficulties at school, aggression, depressive moods, regressions, psychosomatic diseases).
Only very small part of children openly show the reactions to divorce. Often neither children, nor parents wish to accept the valid value of divorce. There is a wish to hide the experiences equally to children and adults. But display of open pain, nevertheless, is an only way of its overcoming. Otherwise it cannot be “processed“, and then in children`s soul forever there are deep scars.
The fact is that divorce brings to children pain. If in children there were good relations with both parents, then pain is much more severe. Divorce or leaving of one of parents causes in them a number of fears, feelings and thoughts.
of Feeling of the child during this period.As most often the child remains to
with mother, the Fear is never more to see the father prevails. It means for the child forever to lose the person whom you love most.
For many children loss of the father can make impressions that the love has the end. Time the father leaves, so he ceased to love and leaves me. During this period children learn that the love has the end. Thoughts of the child: “If the love comes to an end too (as now between mother and the father) who knows whether not to come to an end once mother`s and father`s love to me“ during divorce children begin to be afraid seriously that they can be in some day they will be the abandoned parents.
Divorce causes partial loss of the identification in many children. Thoughts of the child: “I do not understand at all who I am such such“. Any separation brings in life disappointment, grief, peculiar fears with loss of. It is connected with the fact that any love relations change us, we “accept in ourselves“ part of darling. Leaving of the person whom you love takes away part of the personality. It also occurs during divorce.
Impact of separation on children proceeds total more dramatically because the huge part of development of their own personality is based on identification with aspects of persons of parents in that look in what they perceive them. Thus, separation not just does the child lonely, it literally “opolovinivat“ him. Often children lose “courageous“ parts of the personality (feeling of force and independence). At a certain age identification of the child with the father by all means belongs to perception own “I“.
Divorce of parents causes in children and other feelings. For example, aggression. It appears from the fact that the child feels left, betrayed, he feels that his desires do not cause respect. Mostly children direct the aggression against that parent who is considered as the guilty person divorced. Sometimes she turns around against both.
It is important to notice the fact that many children blame divorced themselves. And than children are younger, especially feel guilty. All children, in some measure, undertake part of fault for divorce. Many become intermediaries between parents. Try to reconcile them and if it does not work well, then it means a failure of his efforts for the child. And when parents quarrel from - for the child, there is nothing surprising in that that the child feels the reason of disagreements.
This sense of guilt is also the main component of aggression of children, teenagers in families where there was a divorce.
However, life is life, it proceeds without looking on any crises and cataclysms. Divorce is a crisis which causes various affects and feelings. The healthy, normal child is simply obliged to react to such crisis. Hope that the child can on him it is worth not reacting on the shaky base. Only that child will not begin to react to such event which attitude towards parents and is finally destroyed for a long time. In such cases divorce gives to the child relief.
So, each mentally healthy child has to react to divorce, and its external tranquility or the seeming indifference yet nothing is told about his internal state. The understanding of all this is the first step to crisis overcoming.