Loneliness - an evil fate? You do not judge strictly.
You with pain and misfortune left to
Those who do not deserve love,
You alone walk,
feels sorry for me for you, naive heart.
(The translation with Persian)
Once, touching the papers which remained after death of mother I found among them a small leaf from a notebook with already faded text of a prayer. “To how many people this prayer warmed soul and to how many else will help, God knows“, - was thought to me. In it there were such lines:
Oh, the Eternal Father, time will come, otmeryanny you for me,
I I will put my heart broken in way to you to your legs,
I Smother guilty which in way to you could not keep in purity. to
Not of execution me, and forgive. On the breast warm me and rub off my tears.
Put the hands to me on the head and look to me in eyes,
B them you will read repentance and hope. Hope for your favor. I left to
In way the seed, children of
Bless them and pardon, and to them be kind, as well as to me. to those who had no seed, if you please doubly
Because to them it is heavier than
A doubly and not to whom about them to cry.
Wait for me in my hour. I believe in you because through you one my revival“.
Many people consider that to be kind presently - difficult. And it is wasteful to be kind doubly - so it at all. But it is just necessary to be more tolerant and softer to old men. Even if we could not or did not want to understand why old men were comprehended by an evil fate, then, at least, you should not judge them strictly. To them and it is so heavy, they on the shoulders bear experience of the lived years.
me asked Not so long ago for the help the familiar elderly woman. She asked that I helped it to process documents in nursing home.
With Ekaterina Ivanovna we were brought together by destiny at one of my most difficult vital intersections when the hopelessness conducted a cruel battle with my congenital optimism. Having survived after two strokes which I had. After the fire in my house. After divorce. With two children teenagers on hands (one of them - the disabled from childhood), I tried to bring together myself on particles. Then my mother advised:
- to survive and to go in cycles in the grief, it is necessary to be engaged in something , at least repair in the house.
Ya with tears told:
- On those remains that remain from our scanty pensions, only to start repair.
- Action you can change life, and tears you will not build up the house. God helps those who work , - is quite rigid as it seemed to me then, mother argued.
I remember how I brought it the calculations for quotations of builders.
- learned to count, and to think when you begin? - it.
- You does not grab everything and at once, and on a stenochka, on the room revive the shelter. You look - and you will cope. Expensively builders ask, we will ask the help for “old guard“. I will talk to Ivanovna. It will help.
- And who it? - I took an interest.
- Yes it once in FZO (fabrichno - factory training) the master worked, - painters trained plasterers.
- How many to it years if she in FZO taught?
- As well as I - since 1931, - quietly answered mother.
- In such years? Repair is not to cover a hollow, and to restore walls and a ceiling in three rooms after the fire! - do not judge
the person and his abilities, without looking at it and without knowing about it anything. Ivanovna is the toiler.
In the evening to my house the skilled worker came to shows. Took a tenacious view of my “mansion“ and declared:
- Eyes are afraid, and hands do. Only you will do solution and to me to bring. I will only plaster. Payment - after completion of work in each room. Goes? - Ivanovna asked.
A I stood and was surprised how this little woman to growth 1,5 meters, in the years, agreed to work which young builders refused.
Work began to boil next day. Between times I listened to talk of mother and Ivanovna. It were memories of the past, of youth, of mutual friends and of God. Concerning this subject, women argued much. Mother went to orthodox church, and Ivanovna to Baptists.
Should be told, Ekaterina Ivanovna was a surprising person, possessed good memory. Knew many people on a name and a middle name, even called children on a middle name. It worked with the cleaner, and in two places at once. After work plastered my house, and hurried on one side job in the evening.
On Sundays Ivanovna came to me after divine service and with ecstasy told about the events. And then pure, surprisingly by a ringing voice sang psalms. When it worked - eyes sparkled young enthusiasm. On my inquiries about private life, about a family answered that God did not give children to it for youth sins. And all life lived because loved such man, similar to which did not meet to this day.
- Why to you to work so much, Ivanovna? It is time and have a rest, - I somehow told.
- Yes I have a sister and two nephews! Who will help them?
In such rhythm the woman worked years. The youth laughed, and she did the part. And very few people knew that it is sick with a severe form of diabetes. And that, turning, like a squirrel in a cage, in own way struggled with an illness.
Also one more case was remembered to me. I worked with documents, and it cleaned the room. Approached quietly me, kept silent, and then told that in the evening it had a strong attack.
- So why you came to work?
- If I does not leave, will find replacement, and I need to work … You, Gavrilovna, that to me it was bad be silent. And if I do not come to work, send the children that if I die, long itself did not lie … to
When we processed documents in nursing home, Ivanovna did not begin to speak about the sister, nephews. She only waved away from my inquiries and told:
- The permit - that in a shelter is given for six months, maybe, I will manage to die during this time …
Now I suddenly understood that for it is the most terrible - to die alone.
What faded became her eyes in which the hitch appeared earlier. Now Ivanovna in all neighbors sees the uncomprehending and condemning her people because, having been left without work, without only hobby which held it afloat for many years, she lost herself and the age in the apartment which was moldy from dampness attains, lying on an iron bed. So she shrouded in memory of the lived years, exhausted with bitterness of disappointments lives without friends and relatives, without kind word in gratitude for the lived years. And itself once responded to others pain, empathized and regretted, and worked, worked, worked …
At the scheduled meeting with the neigbour I not just will greet it:“ Hello, Ivanovna!“. Again I will tell it thanks, for what made for me, my children, for that to what taught … my daughter asked
a question: - Why I write it?
Ya answered that among us lives a lot of lonely, misunderstood, lost and that someone from them became embittered, someone became puzzled, someone drooped and just lives from morning to the night and from night to the morning. And someone mourns aimlessly lived years or conducts the last fight with the only enemy - fear to die alone.
I so wants to tell
to living: you love each other, you appreciate each other that eye of those pain who thawed nearby.