Rus Articles Journal

How it is correct to consider age of the woman? A small playlet of

PASS - the SCENE IN ONE ACT

CHARACTERS:

WIFE

HUSBAND

HAMSTER

Kitchen of the Russian apartment. The wife costs in a combative pose, in hands at it a rolling pin. The husband, is similar to the research associate, metal as a board holds a tray. Spouses are elderly. The wife sparkles eyes for anger. The husband too on a platoon, nervously rumples edges of a tray hands. In a room corner a cage with a hamster. The hamster runs on a toy keg. He is not young too, runs hardly - hardly.

WIFE (indignantly): Whom did you call it the beldame? Me, still the young-looking, pretty woman whom young people still look following!

the HUSBAND (too he is indignant): And you why me called by the dried-up horse-radish? Where you saw at me horse-radish? Moreover dried up!

WIFE: I from rage told it! And you as the department chair of the mathematical analysis, could and forgive to the fragile woman her fieriness!

HUSBAND (indignantly): Anything to fieriness! And if again you to me a rolling pin on the head come around! I and so from last time badly began to do mental arithmetic numbers! My colleagues from department noticed all this!

WIFE: And here to count my age it at it in a moment turned out! At department he badly considers, and here again the great mathematician! Moreover so offensively to call me! (With insult blows cheeks, begins to sob).

The husband lowers a tray and, having squeezed lips, with pity looks at the wife. The wife suddenly ceases to cry in half-minute.

WIFE (solemnly): And I if it is correct to consider, much more, decades more young you! So you are an old man, and I am a molodukha both outside and inside!

HUSBAND (venomously): Absolutely went haywire because of age. It as so? You what, itself replaced stem cells, or tightening made? I nothing similar see something!

the WIFE (calms down): Yes, I did not do these operations. But I addressed deep into civilizations, sources, it is possible to tell. And on this knowledge and experience, I am much younger than you. For decades!

HUSBAND: Well precisely! Sbrendila! It as, allow me to ask you?

WIFE: And here so! I will show you now. Also your knowledge of mathematics will be required.

HUSBAND: My knowledge? I am afraid that you to me finally a rolling pin beat out them last time!

WIFE: Anything. We will consider figures simple (completely calmed down). Give - to me a sheet of paper and the handle on the refrigerator.

The husband uncertainly postpones the board - a metal tray, a beret from the refrigerator a sheet of paper and the handle. Stretches to the wife. The wife puts a rolling pin on a table and sits down. Husband too. They take seats around a dining table.

WIFE: So. Let`s take for a constant age of the woman when she according to laws of our country can marry. It is age of eighteen years. It is clear, that there are also earlier marriages, depending on circumstances, but we take official figure.

HUSBAND: Let it will be a constant, agrees.

the WIFE (writes figure 18 on a leaf, leads round it around): All read out age of the woman and man, from the moment when to the peregarny and cheerful husband take out from maternity hospital the small, shouting lump in a blanket with “thingies“, and that with a smile accepts a reproduction on the hands.

HUSBAND: So happens not always.

WIFE: Not in it business. We take standards. As we talk about the woman, here that turns out. Took out the girl by the name of, say, Nadezhda, from maternity hospital and in eighteen years she &ndash eighteen years ago; full age. And now attention, very important point. To rejuvenate, it is necessary to go to history layers, to address experience of far ancestors, wisest and advanced people from Ancient Greece, one of civilization cradles. I, hope that culture of Ancient Greece, their civilization, for you are authoritative?

HUSBAND (surely): Of course, of course. You will not argue with it. The mankind, in its cultural and civilized understanding, is from there. There cannot be doubts in wisdom and an ingenuity of this ancient state and its inhabitants.

WIFE: I am glad that you do not reject obvious truth. And so, these wise people in Ancient Greece read out age of the woman not from the birth, and since the moment when the woman married. Officially.

HUSBAND: Strange, several, calculation of female age. But in mathematics and not such strangenesses happened. Continue.

WIFE: Our standard woman by the name of Nadezhda was born, we take for a constant, in 2000 - m to year. A new century - new technologies in medicine. New ways and supereffective drugs for treatment of diseases. So we will take for a constant that life expectancy will increase and our Nadezhda will live hundred years. So, by a usual technique in 2100 - the m to Nadezhda will be to year hundred years old. But by a wise technique of ancient Greeks in 2100 - the m it will be to year 82 years old if she marries in a year of the majority! You understand my thought? (on paper draws figure 2100, will read 18 equally 82).

HUSBAND: Aha! Now I understand!

WIFE: Eighty two years. Time of a sclerosis and expectation of the end. There are great-grandsons, and it is possible also great-great-grandsons. And now consider. If our Nadezhda marries not in 18, and in 36 years. Then, in 2100 - the m it will be to year (draws figures on paper) by the Greek technique how many?

HUSBAND (at once): Then 64 will be it! 2100 minus 36.

WIFE: Good fellow, mathematician! 64 years! This is still the brisk enough woman, without sclerosis and quite bright. Already the grandmother, is grandsons, and, perhaps, little great-grandsons.

HUSBAND (skeptically): All right. Continue. I will keep silent so far.

WIFE: Further. If our Nadia marries in 54 years, then according to our scheme 46 years in 2100 - m to year will be her. And you remember that “in forty five - woman berry again“?

HUSBAND (maliciously): I would not tell something about you that you are directly a berry, like a fresh odorous cheesecake!

WIFE: Ah you, dried mathematician! (grabs the postponed rolling pin). Now I will show you what I am a berry!

the HUSBAND (scaredly askancing at a rolling pin): Yes it I to the fact that the cheesecake - that often happens begun to rot! And here blueberry is always beautiful and elastic! I wanted to tell that you just like blueberry - berry - juicy, elastic, elastic!

WIFE: Look at me! it (is softened) So, Nadezhda 46. Berry! Even sounds already musically, solarly in comparison with states in 82 and 64 years. And here watch what turns out if the heroine of our research marries in 18 x 4 equally 72 years. By an ancient technique to it 28 years turn out. What it in 28 years?

HUSBAND: What, what! Young, healthy, ruddy, portly.

WIFE: Correctly. And here if Nadia suddenly wants to resemble at the age of the first serious love, the first heat-spots and wipings by “Klerasil“, the first verses on love and the first kisses, then she should marry in 85 years. Then by a technique in 2100 - the m it will also be to year 15 years! Teenager and only! Here and boys - schoolmates become interesting again, expect the prince on a white horse, it is possible to put on openwork tights and pass - a skirt, to be smeared ton cosmetics and to pass huge earrings throughout ears.

HUSBAND: Wait a moment! And how all these will look on the eighty-five-year-old biological old woman pass - skirts, openwork tights, huge earrings and layers of cosmetics? Besides, so considered age only of the woman! And schoolmates of a masculine gender of our eighty-five-year-old Nadezhda for a long time probably in the world other?

WIFE (thoughtfully): Concerning schoolmates, male, you, probably, are right. The age of men in Ancient Greece was considered as well as now. So the old fart it and in Ancient Greece the old fart. And here about openwork tights and other at this age, you are not right. Here the feeling is important that you are 15 years old! Especially, the calculation technique it allows!

HUSBAND: Discrimination us, men, still from there goes, from Ancient Greece!

WIFE: And here if Nadenka fell in love with most of all time of the life when it played in a doll when it was not necessary to stand at a plate to prepare to eat on a crowd of children and the husband moreover the mother-in-law and other relatives when it was not necessary to give birth, do career, to send the husband a rolling pin (again defiantly takes a rolling pin in a hand), then she needs to marry only in 92 years, and in 2100 - the m it will be to year only eight years! You represent! So inhabitants of a cradle of a civilization did, so considered. And their culture was fine, their wisdom surprises through many centuries still!

HUSBAND: I do not argue with the authority of those people.

WIFE (enthusiastically): So, without serious consequences the woman can rejuvenate. It is only important to know and use the forgotten ancient method of calculation of age of the woman and to think over in advance when it is better for it to marry at what age to feel on a state the child, the teenager, molodukh, or berries, or on the grandmother or absolutely it is exotic - on a sklerotichka.

HUSBAND (thoughtfully): Well, but what it will give to the woman?

WIFE: And here that. Will consider a brain. And feeling in these states, the child, the teenager, a molodukha and the old woman, feeling in them, the brain will send the corresponding signals to various bodies and systems of an organism. It will also send signals to rejuvenate to bodies to age, say, twenty eight years though it will be biological to the woman 72. The brain and a body will accept these signals favourably, gray substance, thus, will rejuvenate both skin, and teeth, and hair, and internals, is heart - vascular and respiratory systems. Same all-powerful brain! It is known that the person uses possibilities of the brain only on 10, perhaps, of percent from possible.

HUSBAND: And as to us to be, to men!

WIFE: About it wise ancient nothing was told.

HUSBAND (with insult): That is if speak to me “Old fart“, then I also am “Old fart“ how age do not consider?

WIFE: Quite so.

HUSBAND (disappointedly): We with you got married twenty five years ago.

Then you, turns out, a molodukha of twenty five years by this method, and I am just “old fart“?

WIFE: Quite so.

HUSBAND: Oh! Molodukh you mine! You any not the beldame, and twenty-five year divchina!

Forgive me my darkness, the young wife!

WIFE (indulgently): All right, anything, anything. People can be mistaken. Go I I will kiss you, my not young hero!

the HUSBAND (with feeling): I go to you, I go and I fly, young, elastic flesh of my life!

The man and the woman embrace. The hamster rejuvenates from this conversation too and begins quickly and with passion to twist the keg in a cage.

CURTAIN.