Why good people leave? “With you it is good, but it is necessary to me in marriage!“
They say that to two worthy people, the man and the woman, it is not fated to be together as good women from the first in marriage do not agree, and good men do not offer twice. But actually it is still more difficult also zaputanny. For example, he and she meet, they have close relations, everything is good, together warmly and joyfully. But here the young lady declares: with you it is good, but it is necessary to me in marriage! Sounds as the ultimatum. And what to do to it?
There is a simple answer - to marry. It is logical if the girl suits you, then there is no choice as Socrates spoke: “Marry by all means, the good wife will get - you will be an exception if bad - you become the philosopher“. In principle, both that, and another is fine: can be, philosophers in the country will become more, or perhaps happy exceptions. Even I do not know, what is better.
But everything is simple only at first sight. So, look of the second.
1. It is not absolutely correct to make actions and to make decisions under the threat. The contents of the ultimatum “with you are good, but it is necessary to me in marriage“ it is possible to translate so. You suit me to darling, I even love you. But not it in my life the main thing, me is a lot of years, I do not want to feel how time leaves then not to declare: “I stand at restaurant, in marriage late, to die early“. I in marriage want! And as you do not call, I will find the one who will execute my desire, with dances, songs and voluntarily.
There are two ways of reaction.
The first: to wish good luck in private life, to be glad that the young lady honestly admitted that she you - only a way to find the long-awaited status “is married“ then to begin to build the life with other worthy woman if, of course, you find such.
The second: it is possible to transfer words of the ultimatum to normal, constructive dialogue. For example, so: I do not like tone of your statement, but I understand you. Probably, we should discuss whether we can get married as we will live on what money whether are ready to it, I want to be with you therefore it is necessary to understand your and my desires. Further negotiations, I think, not really simple. There is one difficulty: negotiations are possible if two persons not far left from a civilization to satisfaction only of the interests, without caring for the neighbor.
Thus, it will be possible to keep and let know the relations that ultimatums in close communication are inadmissible. And the result of negotiations can be a miscellaneous. I assume that the man will understand correctness of the young lady and will solve - let someone will get such family happiness to another, or she will come to a conclusion that she hurried to make statements, and it is necessary to build together the relations which can be issued then. There are also other options.
2. The girl risks. If the man is really dear, then she can just lose him. For example, he is not conducted on the ultimatum, reports: you are right, you need really to find the one who will go to the REGISTRY OFFICE and will undersign with you. Everything, go.
There is a suspicion that the worthy young lady will be able successfully to marry, but the husband always leaves much to be desired, and the best inevitably will be that with whom it was good earlier and from which she ran away “in marriage“. Whether it is necessary to risk so thoughtlessly?
3. It is useful to think still here of what. Perhaps, they would live 50 more years together happily, without registering marriage, without reporting to the state that now he is married, and it behind it. But when the question is brought up in the form of the ultimatum and it is impossible to agree, good people just lose happy joint life. Whether it is worth insisting?
I do not see anything bad in a marriage, only it has to be the weighed and responsible step. It costs much both for it, and for it. I have a supervision that, as a rule, the woman puts herself in Semya joint venture, and the man, except herself, and all the rest. But it is a separate subject.
Therefore if the woman uncompromisingly insists on the, without perceiving any arguments and arguments, that is suspicion that it is better for it to look for other husband. When the belief “is necessary in marriage“ stronger than reason, it is not necessary to disturb the young lady - and suddenly she is right. It can be checked only by practical consideration, and your arrangements will not help.