Man`s changes. To admit to the wife, to leave or remain?
When it for the first time happen, invigorates and pleases, but becomes frightening. You come back home played mean tricks and fairly frightened, but the wife does not notice changes in you. You receive the traditional dinner and go, indifferently, to matrimonial bed. You is guilty you utykatsya in a shoulder blessed and you find there so necessary for you feeling of safety now. Here, pomurlykav, you also forgive yourself this innocent prank and … with pleasure fall asleep.
But as Hemingway used to say, all rather bad begins with the most innocent . Having felt impunity, you do not refuse to yourself throughout intimacy. You live the new gushed feelings, enjoy in the present afternoon, rejoice to the fact that you have: care from the wife, caress from the mistress. And more and more seldom you feel guilty. For some time you forget about pangs of conscience at all. The wife still notices nothing...
The loved one can be deceived very long. For certain in the wife you to yourself chose the girl correct - truthful. Also she does not lie not because such all from itself noble (nothing human is alien to it), and just being a person open, she early understood that it is much simpler to tell the truth.
In general it is easier and simpler to honest person to live.
A still, so happens that someone has no abilities musical ( the elephant stepped on an ear ), and here your wife has no abilities to lie. And as she never lies, does not assume thought that its half is capable of it. And your children she learns to tell the truth and nothing except the truth.
Always tell the truth, the easiest to remember it!
I when in the evening the wife trustfully reports to you on progress and pranks your children, you avoid to meet the eyes of it, are silent more and more not to give yourself something, lie it. And you it is disgusting. And trustfulness, simplicity and purity of the wife irritates you. It you cannot forgive it. The respect for it thaws every day. And why, apparently, in time not to understand that committed a blunder ?!
To recognize the mistakes - a maturity sign.
You itself perfectly understand that change has to be (if in it in general there is a sense) easy, short-term, noncommittal. You only wanted to feel the hunter and the man again. You needed this communication to refresh the blood, to warm it, to start and feel again young, live. And month - another would be quite enough to raise a self-assessment, to cheer up, receive a necessary dose of adrenaline. But for some reason the high note manages to finish on almost to nobody.
It is never impossible to lie once. One lie pulls for itself following. did not notice
how absolutely shucked, got confused. It occurred somehow imperceptibly for you, and you began to lie not only to the wife, children, but also the mistress. You are not caught yet, but perfectly understand what threatens every day you with danger - it strains. You are afraid that everything will reveal?! And what can be more opposite than fear?
To be exposed not the most terrible. It is more terrible to be not exposed.
to Participants of psychological trainings is suggested to be glanced in the photo albums. It becomes with the purpose to revive former feeling, to remind the person about konfetno - buketny, medovo more often - the paradise period of his life. And you will not prevent to retire and to slowly look at the wedding photos. To remember that fine time when you were young, in love and madly happy with this girl in a veil … But it makes sense to open a photo album also for other reasons.
Look, here you having embraced the wife, you laugh loudly together. You remember what so made laugh you? Here from two parties nestled on your kid - the firstborn. It you in a circle of friends … And if it is very attentive to reconsider a photo album, then it is possible to see when all this ended. Since what time at you joint photos already ceased to appear and if is, then you there separately, others and detached. And, above all, look at the person. What is with it?
“People would lie less if they thought that there are sure signs of deception …“ Paul Ekman “Lie psychology“ of
the Known fact: all feelings and acts are shown on our faces, in a bearing, gait. This eternal feeling that you make not those acts which should be made. The lie, fear, sense of guilt, discontent with and rage on others not only slowly ruin you, but also imprinted on your face. And it is surprising that your relatives of these changes did not notice yet, really face to face not to uvidat the person .
It then if everything reveals, the wife will be surprised to the short-sightedness and naivety. It will throw up from one thought of untidiness of your relations more than once. And the photo will tear because will see on them near himself the stranger, the person unpleasant to it with is guilty - a false smile and the same look.
“It is necessary not to lie and not to steal selfishly, out of own self-preservation“. Seva of Novgorodians
What to do if already late and you for a long time three? And this situation became intolerable. First of all, be a man, make a choice. If most it is difficult, call to the aid fascists as it was made by the hero of the movie “ O than speak men “. Be defined, at last, with whom to you it will be good in everyday life and on the holidays “to a grave“.
And if decided to remain with the wife, then do not run to her with recognitions. Just break up with the mistress at once once and for all, talk to her honestly. Also return to a family. Be engaged in business, in your house the huge scope of work for certain collected. But do not relax: the truth always comes up sooner or later outside.
“There is nothing secret that would not become obvious; and nothing happens undercover that would not come to light …“ Bible wisdom.
And when the wife becomes knows something, embrace her gently and tell that rumors very much - are very exaggerated. Also do not deny - it is lie. But also do not admit! Any details! To admit to the half change - a huge mistake. Say that never so loved anybody as its native and good. “Loved, I love and I will love only you! “ - only the correct answer to the woman.
To leave or remain - to solve only to you. Do not wait for hints and do not allow your women to settle a situation at all. Otherwise you will understand soon that the decision on which your further life depends was accepted by others. And it, most likely, will be wrong … for you.
If nevertheless you decided to leave a family, then especially, any recognitions in change, spare former. Do not cross out all good that was in your past. Just tell the wife that very much loved her, but now met and fell in love with another. Now, but not several months or years back! Also leave. And then you will have a chance (through some time) to remain friends. And it is so important when there are joint children, grandfathers and grandmothers of your children, godfathers, relatives and friends.
“Let`s be, in - the first and first of all, are kind, and then are honest, and then we will never forget about each other“. F. M. Dostoyevsky
Some men after forty are frightened to death that more already nothing will be. And it quite often pushes them on destruction of a family to start everything anew. Sometimes, if very much carries, these expectations can be met. After divorce, heavy for all, you will go on a new circle: freshness of feelings (the forgotten old emotions), feeling of release (absolutely for a while); a wedding (not everything is as beautiful as looks), a honeymoon (maybe cheerful), the birth of children (sleepless nights) … You are farther you can at desire to dofantazirovat, experience is.
Perhaps, you did not go astray, and it also is your way?! But also here you will have a choice too: or to turn sour finally; or to look younger, blossom, begin to move near the young wife and small children.
Remember, buddy, your life is consequences only of your decisions. Good luck!