What is parental provocations? The children`s jealousy of
the Phrase “parental provocation“ sounds for our ear quite strange. The parent is, as a rule, the one who knows that he how and when correctly it is necessary to make, respectively itself has to be unusually correct, and also is careful in relation to that, to a lump is a parent.
Provocation assumes the deception and a dirty trick which are not combined with the sense put in the word “parents“ at all. And nevertheless in detsko - the parental relations of provocation are present at a large number. Of course, the speech does not go that parents consciously bear the malice to the child. Though sometimes the parents making cry the child various estimated and provocative statements consider that they help it to become stronger, is more hardy and are firmer.
We will consider the most typical forms and cases of such provocative parental behavior. Provoking of children`s jealousy we Will begin
with that period of time when there is no jealousy yet because there is no still younger brother or the sister, since that period when the child begins to be trained usually for the birth of the kid morally.
During this period time to the child often happens to hear phrases: “You asked the brother, we with the father will give birth for you to the brother“. The child hears something similar for several months - the brother for you. However events when the newborn appears at home as usual develop? For whom it, appears? Not only that it at all not for the senior, so now, appears, all family - for this parcel. All general attention to it, mother spends all the time with it, relatives and friends who come on a visit, at once run to a bed, often ignoring the senior absolutely. Now it is impossible to run at home, it is impossible to shout, play cheerful noisy games when he sleeps, all have to tiptoe … The disappointment is full. Though the “preparatory“ phrase promised absolutely other succession of events.
One more widespread “preparation“ are variations on a subject: “Here the brother will be born with whom he to you will play! There will be to you a palsy-walsy!“ Pronouncing these words, adults often for some reason forget to add that there will be declared events far not at once, and later quite long time, often comparable to the term of life of the child listening to these words.
Sometimes parents in an educational fuse tell inadmissible things at all. For example, pregnant mother, wishing to take in hand the got naughty child, can tell something it seems: “What you are disobedient! Here the brother will be born, he at all not such will be! He mother will love and obey! “ The child was not born yet, and children are already compared.
What conclusions the child who hears such statement in the address can draw? In - the first, mother considers that I am bad; in - the second, she does not love me; in - the third, it turns out that I do not love it if I do not obey; in - the fourth, she loves more the one who sits at it in a stomach … This list of unfavourable conclusions can be continued. The most unpleasant for the child in this situation the fact that he cannot affect it in any way: his opponent in this comparison so far does not even exist, he a whole with mother, its image - a fruit of the mother`s imagination. Mother cannot know what will be her yet not born kid, and especially cannot know as far as he will surpass the fact that was already born and grows. Means, mother under the influence of good motives deceives and offends the child, provoking it not to love the sibling.
Therefore, the “preparation“ for the birth of the kid which is carried out thus instead of performance of the task provokes that children`s jealousy with which it is seemingly urged to struggle, programs it in subconsciousness and involves a negative in relationship of children for many years.