Whether itself can find couple in mature age?
Discussion about that, half a full glass or half empty - eternal, as the world. As well as discussion about what our opportunities to find to itself couple in the context of age changes.
Loneliness and an old age - practically synonyms. By a lonely old age we were frightened - and frightened - all who feel like it … I remembered a joke now - about the happy bachelor in the loneliness whom married friends intimidated what “on the deathbed“ to it will want to be drunk - and the glass of water could not be brought.
And here he married is children gave birth … In total through torments of true “single“ and misanthrope: “Well, I do not love children! And people too - N e l yu l yu!“ And how to die - to drink - that and there is no wish … It I to that remembered what well to distinguish as far as requirement “in marriage“ - yours? Or all this is more from your installations mothers with the grandmother? Which carried out all life in a marriage, and the truth it was terrible to them to present that it is possible to be quite happy and without stamp in the passport? Especially when to you - for forty, you banished the husband in due time, and were even very glad to it, and then attended to this most Terrible Ghost of the Lonely Old age. And the last years devoutly you look for the worthy candidate in husbands.
It is possible I now sincerely I will tell, but muck? I will dream rather safely. When you for the first married, it was easier for you to be pleasant in degree, than now. You were young, naive, and lived in the basic feelings - without serious “estimations“ on “for the rest of the life“. Therefore also the husband was chosen, most likely, by heart. And body? It is unlikely head.
And now you - skilled. Adult. Sober. Practical. And now - what you first of all want from future partner? What requirements to satisfy at the expense of this union? If you risk to answer sincerely this question - half-affairs it is already made. I will dream up still further - most likely you will answer that - among other - you want support and a support. And in such form and on such conditions as you imagine it. You feel what “Procrustean bed“ appears? How it will be difficult for real candidate to coincide with a framework of your expectations and representations?
If you look for the partner in the age category, these men - practically all - “wounded birds“. They too, most likely, are divorced. And most likely they have “a marriage aftertaste“ which is very depreciating their. Their wives, probably, too rejoiced that “got rid“ of them. And they already tasted sweets of free life. In which they already returned themselves the qualities of the appeal depreciated by unsuccessful marriage. Courage. Sexualities. They from category of “unnecessary garbage“ passed into category of “valuable production“. Therefore when they in eyes and behavior of the possible darling read requirement “I want to rely on you for the rest of the life“, to them, most likely, badly becomes … They tried in due time - but their attempts failed. And they - precisely have such requirement - to lean against the warm, accepting them any side.
Or these men still live in the marriage union which “grew hateful“, according to them. And then “third-party communications“ are necessary to them including exactly with you to feel like the cowboy from the advertizing “Malboro“ - such inaccessible for your desire completely “to privatize“ him also from it strongly desired in every respect. Houses the wife tortured by work, economy, children. And houses it - first of all a support and the getter. And with you he is a romantic hero. Or victim of circumstances. Or still something - depending on its ability to dream on “I and My Women“.
And here such “hero“ precisely very much is also very far from idea to make to you a proposal of marriage. In - the first because these parts are also strongly borrowed for a long time from it. And in - the second because you are necessary to it absolutely for another. If you think that for sex, - here and did not guess absolutely. Of course, and for sex too. But first of all, in my opinion, to be reflected in your eyes - in yours to it the relation - it is attractive, sexual, tsennostno. Well and, of course, to get from you support of the man`s and human advantages. Which in a family - alas - quite often depreciate … The same women, as well as we, - only when married.
Perhaps from this to draw a conclusion that your husband if all of you still together, - it is not so bad? And even I will tell more - it is quite good? From the point of view of the lonely, looking for couple ladies approximately your age - precisely. Well, he snores, sometimes grumbles too much, forgets about your birthday and strives to slip away during week-end with men on fishing. He refuses to do algebra with Mishka and neglects PTA meetings in kindergarten at Mashka. But you have and absolutely others about it impressions, and? Absolutely other memoirs? And in general - relatives it to you. It seems to me that after 10 years under one blanket we so with each other “mix up“, as the truth relatives we become …
Of course, my reasonings - not for all. Not for all. And thank God. But I all this to what? To what, maybe, well it is this Fear of the Lonely Old age? Perhaps to find something else - less dramatic - in the motor of the searches? Some other motivation? Especially if you - - are quite independent here and now, more than less successfully provide yourself, have a good circle of contacts and enough occasions that to respect yourself in the now “divorced“ status.
And about Fear of the Lonely Old age and as to agree with it - or to fight - we will talk next time.