“Transfer“: what means this word in psychology?
Being born, we come to this world naked, weak and defenseless. And during all life we go to understanding that in our relations with other people there is nothing once and for all certain.
Every day we face any different surprises. How to us - poor crumbs - to survive in this low-predictable and changeable human world?
One of ways - to try to appropriate unknown and new already tested sense. How? Yes by means of transfers. It is quite healthy instrument of adaptation to reality. When we absolutely small and in everything depend on those who raise us in the first years of life, we learn the world through reactions of our relatives. Observe how the child communicates with the dolls - tell-tales - machines and with other children. As he (she) builds and develops the games. It is sure, you will hear both the intonations, and the favourite words. And even poses and the movements you will see - as in small, can be slightly clumsy, a mirror.
The system of the relations, values, priorities, alarms, fears and pleasures is copied by the small child as the unique version of the vital scenario. And these matrixes - sometimes to our big regret - become cornerstones of our adult vital base.
The first steps of our children in “society“ are, as a rule, caused by a family framework of perception of and Others. In process of a growing we, of course, try to rely on the vital impressions and preferences more and more. Especially considerably it at teenagers. For them it is vital to break a shell of the parental world and to try as a “orthograde“ individual within this or that subculture.
But even being already absolutely adult, we quite often react to everyones a situation, difficult for us, from - under a wing habitual, absorbed with milk of mother, transfer. Why we do it?
The strong soil under legs is simply necessary for us. To us it is vital that the world of people was at least slightly - slightly recognizable. Otherwise we can drown in the ocean of events and impressions.
How transfer works? On most part unconsciously. I Zatrevozhitsya in a situation, new to myself - the mentality prompts: “Remember - with you it already was! And then you here and here so coped with it“. In total - the action plan automatically, the alarm decreases. Well …
it becomes bad, in my opinion, when we begin to remind the “worn-out“ plate. When our reactions “are automated“ so that we cease to be surprised to variety of life. When “everyone and everything“ becomes for us “as like as two peas“.
For me transfers are such … the colors determined by my past in which I paint the reality. Their palette usually simply unambiguous, in comparison with life shades.
I will try to give an example. I meet the man. I like it. And - apparently - I am pleasant to it too. I have an experience of communication with different men. Also there is a feeling that they - practically all - cannot be trusted. The feeling is from a parental family: or threw inheritance from mother whom the father periodically - or forever - threw. And already all men in my life are marked with the red indicator: “Danger!“.
If “indicator“ is fixed in my mentality strongly, my reactions in contact will be determined by a bigger measure my past. Which will transform any my new feelings to habitual mother`s: “They cannot be trusted! Watch!!“ What this specific man neither did, nor spoke - my caution will remain. What at any moment of me can be rejected.
And how it is possible to avoid with guarantee in the rejection relations? To slide on a surface. To refuse to come nearer. To avoid to open. Yes, you at all these maneuvers will hardly test truly deep pleasure of opening of of Another - but will precisely well make secure against pain.
On building safety, years can leave. And to maintain the mistrust - it is so simple. Especially if “is sealed“ by transfer. The man will tell - or will make - quite something harmless for you and your relations, and you through a transfer prism taaaky can develop... Looked in a magnifying glass at an ant? Or on a grasshopper? MONSTER! MONSTER! And in reality - a tiny insect …
So protection - it is good. When you (though sometimes) can realize it. When the choice - how to react to this or that situation - remains for you. And here when protection begins to drive you, it is sad … You become such firm. Rigid. Stiffened.
Remembered now about a blade which cracks asphalt. In an our subject such blade curiosity to life can become more sincere. Trust to. And - slowly - to the world.
And, of course, too the place will remain to transfer. As to an insurance from absolutely surprises. But place. Without special powers.