Foreign desires or How to return itself the right to wish?
of Desire - great force … So far we though something want - we are included in an eternal ceremony of exchanges and clearings. We remain active part of a community similar.
But while we grow, we are trained by the relatives and the family to live, generally their desires. As in educational process it is possible to receive an assessment “the good boy - the girl“, generally accepting to performance of desire of mother, father, other significant relatives … And so performance of their desires grows together in us with often only opportunity to be accepted without condemnation in a circle of those who to you the truth of roads that we can in general cease to notice the desires and requirements … Habitually ignoring them … Remaining “good“ for others.
And sometimes our children`s efforts to meet expectations and desires of Adults is the only chance to avoid a beating and humiliation. If our parents consider that cruelty in relation to the child - the best way of education. Or just their so brought up … Type, it will be remembered for a long time.
Yes, for a long time. Practically forever. “Will only strongly halloo“ when we become adults. Or aggression to - in the form of some destroying mentality and a body of dependence, or aggression in relation to the world. Or both that, and another in “rattling“ mix … And then performance of foreign desires becomes one of the only guarantees of own safety in this world, hostile for the person.
When you live foreign desires, the continuous “anesthesia“ helping you to remain the deaf to itself, to betray itself day by day is necessary. To mask melancholy of the deep unacknowledgment and loneliness under a cheerful mask “I listen and will obey“. Anesthesia can become anything - excessive load with work, the use “tasty“ tons, attempts of change of consciousness alcohol … still here not palatable piece can be created by
I. Something like not saturability. How much is treachery of? Here - and it. You constantly yourself “push“, ignore the disgust, the preferences. For the purpose of creation to safe and comfortable life. You sacredly believe that if you are sensitive only in one party - to needs of Others, then these Others will accept you. And will hardly offend.
But in depth of soul you know that they accept not you at all. And that your “function“ which you provide them now. And in this your depth the feeling of self-deception increases. The confidence that you - real whom and from yourself so strenuously you hide and will remain without recognition gets stronger. Without participation. Without heat … And you there will be not enough all gratitude for your efforts. This gratitude for treachery … to Begin all and all “to send“ to
- hardly an exit. It just “acting out“ of an opposite pole, without amendment on, the pressing needs.
All of us mature sooner or later. We begin to think of the habitual reactions, behavior. Especially, when we have a steady feeling of absence of pleasure of life. And there is a chance to realize at least what I want - in this contact with Another? In a fork between elections?
As to be? How to realize though sometimes the true requirements?
In my opinion, it is possible to begin with the fact that slowly to develop sensitivity to itself. What do I want now? Why to me it is necessary? Where I in this situation? How I can receive that I want? Well, it is much more dangerous to declare to the world the desires, than to imitate. And it is possible to decide on it then when treachery of became absolutely intolerable.
But if properly to think - and than I, already absolutely Adult and by and large self-sufficient, actually, I risk? What in this concrete contact this specific person from me will turn away? On me will become angry? Or will ignore my desires and will continue to insist on the? Well and that, actually?! You never know in Brazil Pedrov?! Correctly - and not to count!
And then here that else: if the fact that I write here though partly about you, so you very much - very well are able to feel Another. You well are able to be adjusted on “others wave“. It for many years was in the main way to guess that it - she wants. And, respectively - to survive and receive a shred of recognition and heat. And this remarkable quality - “fine tuning“ to Another - you will precisely help out in the invention of “wrapper“ of the desire for Another.
And then - and in my experience, and in universal too - when you report about the desires and feelings sincerely, it almost always causes respect. I now “off-screen“ leave psychopaths?
Well and of course, it is good to consider still the field of contact, namely - a context of what occurs “here and now“.
By the way, and sensitivity to itself can be developed, representing itself as if “from outside“. Slightly abstracting, otshagnuv the observation part. These a half-step will help to use the same fine tunings resource, but now to themselves.
And still to try - though sometimes - to accept itself entirely. With the secret part. With the, at first sight, most foolish, shameful, silly desires. Yes, it too I! And what? To whom what business?!
I suggest to stage an internal contest - what my desire the most foolish. And with all the heart to congratulate itself for a creative vein which helped this very best foolish desire to invent!
And still, recognition to itself in what you want, permission to itself to want it, and realization of they are very different things. Because recognition and permission releases energy which excessively you spend for replacement and ignoring. Does your internal space spacious and pure.
And you will decide to realize or not on circumstances. Communication with reality - great piece! And sincerely I hope that it well works for you.