How to establish the confidential relations with the necessary person? Psychology of fixing of acquaintance of
So, the first contact with object is successfully come - it expressed desire to continue acquaintance. At this stage it is important not to tear the thread stretched between you and over time to turn it into a strong rope.
It is for this purpose adjusted regular communication with object on the basis of common interests. At the same time it is actively used material (an entertainment, gifts, financial support etc.) and spiritual (congratulations, compliments, a praise, sympathy, councils etc.) stimulation.
It is important to find the general subject, discussing which to the interested person it is not necessary to show the knowledge and originality of judgment. The general subject can be that area where the object succeeds, has experience, that is can be the active party. It is necessary not to forget to emphasize originality of judgments of the acquaintance (now it is already possible to call him so).
However it is possible to address the general subject when conversation around neutral interests like a hobby takes place. It is not necessary to settle a subject of interest of the acquaintance up to the end.
Receptions which should be used in conversation:
“Problems“. To start talking about something problem or sensational, concerning the general subject. The interlocutor will seek to explain ambiguities. At the same time it is necessary to show increase of interest in what it tells.
“Specification“, that is keen interest in details and details.
“Switching“. Arguing on the chosen general subject, the interested person even more often includes separate elements of other subject - switches distribution of emotions from one subject on any other.
“The formulation accepted“. The interested person periodically formulates aloud what the interlocutor wishes to emphasize.
“Summing up“, summation stated by the interlocutor with allocation of coincidence in opinions.
“Expectation justification“. In response to certain manifestations of actions of the acquaintance it is possible to tell: “I and thought of you. I knew that we will agree in opinions“.
During meetings the interested person should show fast and positive reaction to statements of the acquaintance. It is impossible to convict the acquaintance of inaccuracies. He has to understand that everything told them is considered. It can achieve by the statement of the following phrases: “It appears, you are sociable“, “I like your spontaneity“, “You quickly are guided“, “You understand the point of view of other person“.
Here we will make a pause and we ask a question: what moves the person to arrive anyway? Let`s give a little theory where to us without it to get to?
The behavior of the person is defined by his requirement. Requirement - an objective or subjective condition of the person who needs something. There are two main forms of requirement - spiritual and material. These forms can be divided into levels also. If the person does not manage to satisfy requirement of high level, he aspires as it is possible to satisfy requirement of the lowest levels more stoutly.
The average person in the West satisfies the physiological requirements for 85%, need for safety - for 70%, in communication - for 50%, in respect - for 40%, in self-expression and creativity - for 10%. It would be desirable to see these figures and in relation to the average Russian, but, alas, such statistics if exists, then it is hided in safes of the most “high house“.
Not each need of the person turns into an act or action. It happens when the requirement is sufficiently made active. The best way of activization of requirement - at least its partial satisfaction that generates pleasure and new need for its receiving.
When the spiritual or material need of the person is made rather active, the feelings arising at the same time and desires to satisfy it create the special intensity inducing the person to certain actions. This intensity is called motivational, and motivation on specific action or activity - motive.
There will be enough theory, will continue practical activities on establishment of the confidential relations with the person necessary to you. For this purpose, as you already, probably, guessed, it is necessary to reveal his spiritual and material needs. Let`s list that it would be desirable to know about the acquaintance:
political, philosophical and religious beliefs;
essence of its ideals in behavior and acts of people, literature and art;
moral criteria - the relation to rules and norms of the hostel, persons of other floor, relationship in a family;
sources and the sizes of the income and expenses, their ratio with a living wage;
personal relation of the acquaintance to the financial and official position;
maintenance of the remote and close vital purposes, interests, tendencies, desires, difficulties, discontent reasons;
traits of character of the acquaintance.
Of course, it would be simpler to seat your acquaintance at the table, to give it couple of sheets of paper and the handle - and let answers the listed questions. However here such method does not approach. Each meeting has to prepare carefully, and particles of the obtained information to collect and be analyzed. During studying of the acquaintance it is necessary to pay attention to the next moments:
discrepancy of beliefs of the person to his official standing;
manifestation of a resentment;
aspiration to overcome difficulty, to restore lost;
readiness to show call of duty, appreciation or hatred;
manifestation of greed, egoism, vanity;
the behavior which is beyond permitted by laws and universal norms.
And only after the acquaintance repeatedly shows intention to seize the opportunity given it to satisfy the requirements with your help, it is possible to speak about presence of motive at it to cooperation, that is about establishment with it the confidential relations.
You ask from it that you will wish, - he is already ready to satisfy all your requests.