The Martian from Vologda
the Martian from Vologda
the Thin, white hand with translucent as if through cold marble, bluish veins, submitting to a sound signal, drew in cool air graceful gesture - towards the simple household unit.
This simple fine gesture by it had to be repeated on five - six times per day, and even is more often. Sometimes it caught itself on thought to what it was bothered by all these routine movements at which looked as if from outside in recent days, apart and with some painful, is emphasized with excessive attention.
Caught itself on feeling that looks at the hand, as on others. As if and not a hand it at all, and part certain, alien to it is perfect, an armor, let graceful, but only the tool, the robot - the manipulator fastened to the difficult clever car in which she - even not the operator or the pilot, and only the passenger deprived of civil rights who solves nothing and nothing can change any more.
This feeling increasing from within would be difficult to call pleasant - on the contrary, it exhausted as if the plant - a parasite exhausted will and forces from her body. It grew at
as if on yeast, extended and overflowed a certain internal space - and feeling of emptiness, sharp and subconscious, did not submit to her weakened will, did not disappear, and became as it is paradoxical, only sharper. Collected somewhere inside, brought out of shaky balance, disturbed more and stronger.
But a cup of hot fragrant coffee, strangely enough, calmed, let for short time - despite the known exciting qualities of expensive overseas drink. At least, for an hour - another the mood improved, and … it was possible to live, without arresting itself a look to insignificant details - to the rumpled edge of a dusty curtain hooked for the old chair which is moved up to the battery of a central heating or to a web in a dark corner (she read somewhere: to kill spiders, according to the Koran, a great sin), to the torn piece of the faded fabric trembling on cold wind behind a window that clung to undressed by the girlfriend - in the fall to maple branches.
the Former model trying to hold in public a bearing and a look which this minute seemed dim like a thin layer of the cheap margarine which was becoming thinner on a rough cut of stale bread and some extinct as if the exhausted volcano, - the former model well-known all over the country krutnut, finishing graceful gesture, the plastic handle - and blue uvulas of a flame almost silently (having only shortly sobbed) disappeared, obediently crept back in a ring cut. Regina took
a ridge teapot and put on a kitchen table, near a chipped thin sugar bowl and an open jar of instant coffee.
Several hot drops fell by the porcelain cup (brought from Austria) with an inscription “Vienna vi aspeta - Wien erwantet...“ on the wrinkled oilcloth. Pale oilcloth forget-me-nots moved slightly considerably and, having smoothed, calmed down, stood.
What she remembered now, inhaling fresh aroma of the fruits ground davny - long ago in solar Brazil where in the woods everything is a lot of … much?. Yes, however, unless it is important?. Most likely, she remembered high comprehensive school No. 8 of the city of Vologda, the happy childhood in which the cruel understanding of changes which ALWAYS surely happen To the WORST does not come yet; years where she sang in school amateur performance - chubby, almost the fatty, the fat girl with lovely dimples on cheeks, pleasure of mother is weavers yes of the father - the engineer, pride of friends - schoolmates and even girlfriends (despite their easy envy - because Kolesnikova Reginochka best of all in a class sang). Remembered those, not the so Brazilian, northern woods, generous on a cranberry and cowberry, strange mushrooms, cloudberries and sweet blackberry. The northern woods that rescued her ancestors - Slavs from infinite hordes of nomads, the woods bypassing, or from an arbitrariness of princes - fratricides yes of the abbots who grew fat on country harcha that were regularly fed on Orthodoxy of the generous people. Simple people left the southern principalities of Kievan Rus` weakening from contentions seigniorial in those far times, left on North - the East, escaping in the boundless dense woods, peacefully lodging near benevolent tribes of fishers and hunters - Zyrians (Komi), behave in a queer way zabolotsky, moksh, the Erzyans speaking on ancient Ugra - the Finnish languages long before emergence of Hungary. Both those, and others - owners of forest open spaces and the come exiles - found with each other a common language, without grabbing the weapon at the slightest pretext as became fashionable centuries later. Then it was happy
, the future plowed up before it wide promising - sometimes deceptive - embraces. The future swung open, carefully hiding pleated the mad cascade daily and such important (it seemed then to it) surprising, bright events of the nursery, but the maturing life - hiding that fact that “all - to the worst“, contrary to ordinary introductions of homebrew optimists.
In the capital a new environment did not accept it. Colleagues on model as now it is accepted to speak, to business - askance glanced on eternally going woolgathering somewhere in the slender girl who arrived from the province to conquer the new world and so successfully married in a hurry - for the real actor besides famous and, the most important, not poor unlike others!.
They gossiped at it behind the back. Thought out some ridiculous stories. Someone told once - “from the Moon fell down, other-wordly“. And best “girlfriend“ - the maiden, is more often than others being near in the pay day to occupy the five, and to forget about a debt later - specified: “Not from the Moon - from Mars. Saw? Allow to present - The Martian from Vologda“.
Having cracked a window, Regina slowly bent over a window sill, short-sightedly squinting on asphalt, wet after a cold rain, not in forces to take a look aside; IT again, again, again came back to it.
Phone call pulled out it from gray unsteadiness of asphalt fetters, a haze that ran and tightened as in a stuffy funnel.
Called the thrown husband - thrown Regina, the patient after abortion; he induced then her to do it, broke will, he did not want that in the house children`s voices sounded. Now he told something concerning in common acquired property - Regina poorly captured an essense of the tirades gurgling in a tube - it seems, he leaves it the apartment. But what these rooms, why they ringing burdensome silence when inside - emptiness, the emptiness which extorted a helpless children`s little body?. Regina silently hung up and returned on kitchen, to the become empty cup, a slight smell of the dark drink drunk to the bottom. To the Man of it enjoyed to the bottom … by
not to understand - what means to lose the child living with it, living in it - let some several weeks, let only month … But live, native, flesh from its flesh, the son or the daughter … the Sin, a great sin … her sin …
her again, insufferably dinned in the ears draft accruing we howl the coming darkness which masked under an indifferent dullness of asphalt under windows.
Regina touched by window sill hands again, even without having felt cold that crept, was absorbed in a stone.
It slowly tended forward, the look tightly stuck it to ice dampness of asphalt - probably, something came in dream to it there, below, among pools …
Widely open eyes which stared in one point. The fingers which turned white from tension, as if biting into a cold stone of a window sill.
her brittle body was bent through border between life and death. This time phone call was silent, and there was nobody to distract it, to stop before the last movement.
Light sandals with the nacreous buckles which are hardly clasped on the swelled feet, having lost a support, flew up up.
P. S. … the story on the basis of documentary data on end of a course of life of the known model of Regina Zbarskaya (Kolesnikova)