How to keep in touch eyes? Children look
in the face though to parents though to other people surrounding them - it is easy and natural. The child can run up to you close, directly and quietly to look to you in a face, in eyes - without any smile and without answering your smile, - and then also quietly and smartly to be developed and escape. Looked to himself - and went further.
In the course of education (more often not quite consciously) children are learned not to look in the face. Set a natural example to how look (more definitely do not look in the face), sometimes all speak directly: “It is not necessary to look so in the face, it is indecent!“, sometimes just begin to become angry when the child does not look down.
As a result the child matures, is disaccustomed to look in the face and grows dull, as well as all other adults.
Grows dull - because loses the most valuable information. All most valuable information on what occurs in soul of the person - at it in eyes at it on a face.
However, some children do not give in to this pressure of adults and continue to look at faces of people. Usually these people become heads later.
On the available researches, during communication people watch eyes - in - eyes from 20 to 50% of time. Fallen in love - from 60 to 80%. Heads professionals - from 80 to 100% of time of communication.
For self-assured and sincerely healthy person to look at the interlocutor, without hiding an eye - it is natural.
And how it is correct?
is said Sometimes that is normal - to watch up to 70% of time of contact, and, perhaps, in it there is some sense. Namely, it is useful for majority of us to learn to keep in touch more eyes, but in everything there has to be a measure: if you feel that to the person now under your look inconveniently, look away and reflect together with it. And, probably, not what is the time you watch the most important at other person, and - as you do it. What look at you - nervous or quiet? Pressing or supporting?
Therefore if you decide to train ability to look to people in the face, do not make a traditional mistake: the interlocutor should not stare at a nose bridge or in the so-called “third eye“. It does your look for the interlocutor pressing, and you lose a review of the face of the interlocutor in general. Especially the habit to stare, to examine inconsiderately surrounding does not paint the person is not contact of eyes, but elementary bad manners.
Well, in a nose bridge it is not necessary to look. And where then to look? - Here for many the answer will be a little unexpected. Tell and where the skilled driver when he drives the car looks? In what point? Answer: in any, the driver takes a broad view, of the road in general. Correctly, the answer and in this case will be same: work a broad, out-of-focus view.
The stare on the person creates at it feeling of pressure (that hardly includes in your plans), and distracts you. If you look at the person wide, a little out-of-focus look, anywhere definitely, and just in the direction of the person, you pass mainly to peripheral perception: it does not distract you, and all micromovements of a human face unconsciously, without noticing that, you catch. And if the person is also pleasant to you, expression of your person will become warm.
The rest - just training. Concrete exercise is known long ago, it is called “quiet presence“ - the exercise training a condition of rest at perception of the events. It you can look at options, having just typed these words in Yandex: “Quiet presence“.
the Most difficult: to look in the face to the person and to speak at the same time, that is to think
to Keep in touch with the interlocutor of eyes when you listen to the person - actually simply, you it or are able, or without big work learn. And here to learn to look at the interlocutor even then when not only you listen, and you speak itself - it is more difficult. Here special trainings are already necessary, and let you will be helped by the following hints:
Focus of attention - on the interlocutor.
Not he estimates you, but you estimate it. And it is even better - do not estimate, and support heat and direct it. However, it is already equipment following:
Control and support.
(for example, left) mentally you hold One hand the interlocutor by a shoulder - it gives you control of a situation, and another (also mentally) softly stroke-oar it on a shoulder or a hand (it will make your look warm).
Accustom yourself to a natural vchuvstvovaniye. Vchuvstvovaniye`s
- ability directly, corporally to feel a condition of other person. At a meeting with the person, before any conversation instantly, first of all try to jump into it the person, internally simulate to yourself (try on to yourself) expression of his eyes, the line of his lips, tension or the characteristic line of a neck and shoulders. If you got used to do it and you manage it, you read a state all the time of communication with it. When you catch this state, you any more will never look away somewhere aside because that feeling of unity with the interlocutor which you will feel is worth a lot!