What does the man`s and female scenario of behavior differ in?
“And from girls we expect
of absolutely different behavior from boys.
Is distinction can be expressed briefly. we tell
to Boys: “Make it!“,
to girls: “Do not do it!“.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman.
Yes, we are different people, everyone in itself is individual, but we still differ as men and women. And this distinction is determined not only morphologically by physical parameters, but also psychologically - and it is objective reality as I tell “the medical fact“. And here various social installations and our education strengthen or level these distinctions.
In society developed rules, social norms which order as us to behave. The ordered rule of conduct is called “scenario“, and how the person in this situation behaves, we will call “role“.
But is bad what for us is written by these “scenarios“, often without reckoning with our opinion, and impose us the “roles“ complicating our life. we will sort
A on pages of this book and we will understand who for us scripts, and then will be able to write the Destiny and to choose happy roles.
“Gender role“ - the standard behavior expected from individuals man`s and female. Psychologists are anxious with studying of a problem of sexual differentiation long ago, conducting numerous researches. We can not know these materials that is published by psychologists, but life itself distributes functions of men and women and if you do not consider it, then you receive problems.
Growing, we try to correspond in the majority to the role, and we not always agree that orders us society.
Gender roles are under continuous influence of cultural norms and traditions and can differ in this or that cultural or religious society. Watching behavior of the parents, reading fairy tales, playing certain games, we since the childhood try to imitate people of the gendor.
Important value in gendorno role socialization also play mass media, they constantly show us stereotypic female and man`s samples. And everywhere spread, the difference between men and women is how big, but they, to put it mildly, exaggerate it. And in the last centuries even more rigidly imposed unjustified distinction. Undoubtedly, distinction exists, and we still will understand it, but not so as it seems at first sight.
the First imposed distinction: emotions and feelings, the man and the woman worry almost equally, but in connection with their gender roles they have to express them differently. you Remember
: “Boys do not cry! And girls have to be modest!“
In society emotional restraint is considered one of the most important characteristics of “real man“ that is psychologically not justified. And here aggression at the woman is not welcomed, and male chauvinism orders it a submission role. Education of girls for centuries is connected with the different mass of restrictions and prejudices, and the choice of behavioural roles is much less, than at boys.
A for traditionally female role is imposed presently the fact that the working woman continues to bear burden of household chores and responsibility for children. Well why we have to train the girl since the childhood for a supporting role in a family, or doom “to stand aside“ waiting for it so far will choose.
On what I want to pay special attention, is that the gender role of the woman is very inconsistent.
On the one hand it has to be and strong and aggressive when business concerns protection of its rights and rights of her family, and emotional energy, independence in decision-making is for this purpose necessary.
C another - patience, a compromise, worldly wisdom.
Is such difficult conflict situation that it is very difficult to combine in one person. But I met by
in the practice more than once other situations when the woman takes the initiative: itself proposes marriage, itself gives birth. And such tactics also does not work, the man “runs away“ or to other woman, and is more often in “toys“, withdrawing from a family. He in this situation does not feel like the man, feels some humiliation. In this case there is a shift of roles, people play not those roles that orders them society. each person chooses
In life for a standard of scenario behavior - behavior of parents or people close to it. The girl for an example of the behavior chooses most often the scenario of mother, consults on her, and mother becomes for it an authority. And in it there is nothing bad when the girl adopts something useful at mother.
Also you acquire experience of other people that meet on your way, and follow examples of heroes of movies or female novels. Here from this there is also your Destiny. And life will check, your “scenario“ is how right and whether “role“ is correctly chosen. to
I here you, reading this book, you will take something in the life, but you remember that there is nothing terrible if in the skill you surpass the mother and you will violate the scenarios established in the childhood. whether
A such happy Destiny at your mother? All of you wanted to take in the adulthood?
Valentina Stepanovna, mother of adult already married daughter addressed me: “You know
, I did not hear from it complaints, but how she suffers all this? What did it find in it?“
Ya guessed that it speaks about the son-in-law. Asked to specify Valentina Stepanovna what occurs in a young family. Usually there is a conflict between the son-in-law and the mother-in-law, but here another story altogether. here it continues
“They have a little daughter, Katerina. My daughter, Larisa began to work at once after Katenka was three months old, I help.
Andrey, her husband, all the time gets a job, trades in casual earnings. As it is four years. Larisa hopes that it has just such strip, it will find itself(himself) and will begin to bring money to the house. So far kopeks did not bring, so a trifle on gifts. And when it is sober and stays at home, he is a good father - plays and walks with the daughter. But all this becomes more rare and more rare than
. As I learned from them and sexual life is not glued. Why she with it is reconciled?“
It is told by the mother, worrying for the daughter that she will repeat her Destiny. Valentina Stepanovna lived not easy life with the father of the daughter, keeping a family only for the sake of whom? now mother watches
I vain attempts of the daughter to take all the best of the husband, to change his behavior. But it is visible, Andrey is not motivated, to change, everything suits him, and here the poor wife struggles desperately.
Such women consider that they strongly love and for the sake of this feeling forget about own interests and interests of the children. Remember that marriage with the man who needs to be brought up, pulled and taught responsibility deprives of your children of any prospects on the future. The man has to participate in care of children, make efforts for it, his real role is same.
A a solution of neurotic attachment of the woman, lies in her childhood, in those fairy tales that was read by mother or the grandmother. These women sincerely believe that the love bearing sufferings, pain, and disappointment - and is the true, sincere love. And Larisa thinks of devotion to darling and believes that she strongly loves. Loves in a separation from an object of love, as if abstractly, does not reflect and whether it is worthy her love?
But who taught you: “If you love
, then it is necessary to suffer?“
Who imposed you the drama scenario:
“Meek feelings - neurotic attachment, unfortunate love, the unhealthy relations - unless is your way?“ it is not simple to Bring up the girl only from at all - for the fact that she let and small, but the woman. And in it the special part is assigned to the father. The most important mission of the father consists in acquainting the daughter with the man`s world. To show that a man`s half of mankind is not for it hostile. The image of “the ideal man“ is formed in female consciousness on the example of those men that surround the girl from 5 summer to the 12th summer age.
I let man`s and a feminine such miscellaneous, but is equivalent components of a whole. The father has to help to create at the daughter, positive idea of men in general then in adulthood of its relation with men will safely develop.
Psychologists know that the happy woman in marriage is that girl who is loved by the father. Time it forms an image of future spouse, has to show a male role - a role of the Defender. Otherwise it does not have an attitude towards the man as to the defender - she will always wait from the husband of a dirty trick, blow, deception.
the Girl has to see in love and delighted eyes of the father that gives it self-confidence and in future partner.
If the daughter is perceived by the authority of the father as “person with a belt“, then she also will be dependent on the man: chief, teacher and husband, eventually. by
Fathers do compliments to the daughters, approve their external image, unostentatiously imparting taste - so you will raise both a self-assessment, and confidence of your daughters in own forces, will save from many inconsiderate and precipitate acts and mistakes in the personal relations.
So, we outlined a circle of influence on education from the girl - the woman. Let`s find those characteristic features now that pursue you and do not allow to escape from the imposed scenarios. In the beginning we will understand that is necessary and it is possible to correct, and then I will give to you advice.