Unwanted children - the diagnosis or destiny?
that number of patients, unfortunate, losers are filled up mostly by unwanted children it is better than others psychologists and psychotherapists who almost every day face them know. Statistics of unwanted children, clear, nobody conducts, but not to consider them at all times and in all countries. They are among the rich and poor, famous and simple people.
Who does not know who such unwanted children? Unwanted children are children whose birth was undesirable for both or one of parents. But in ordinary life very few people connect a nezhelannost of the birth of the person, especially if he already adult, with his unfortunate destiny.
And for the psychologist, the psychotherapist a nezhelannost of the birth are some kind of diagnosis. Many problems of the client, patient become clear at once and explainable when we learn that the child was born unwanted. The matter is that such people are for the whole world inclined to look through a prism of a nezhelannost of the birth, feeling deprived of unconditional love, unprotected. For them the feeling of a nezhelannost of the birth is equivalent to loss of love, so, loss of basic feeling of safety and trust to the world.
Unwanted children it is possible to divide into 2 categories : the first are children whose births did not want in general, and also unplanned on time so-called “ unintentional “ children; the second category is children, unwanted on a floor.
It is possible to rank the children born out of marriage after rapes as the first category, minor parents, in the climacteric period (when pregnancy is considered just as completeness in the beginning). Here it is possible to carry children of women who did not want to give birth from a certain person, and also children, from - for emergence of which parents were forced to marry. The same group includes unplanned children who were born the same or next year after the birth of the previous child, and those children concerning whom there were abortion attempts (just intentions or actions).
On nezhelannost degree on a floor the most unwanted, of course, it is the third, fourth (and further) the girls or boys born in a row. Often such children in Russia call by the names which have both female, and man`s options. For example, daughter Aleksandra, Valeria or son Valentin, Evgeny etc. Cases when, for example, the disappointed father refuses to take away the fifth daughter from maternity hospital are not so rare, and mother is depressed from the third son.
The birth of daughters in the crowned and titled families in the countries where under the law the crown or titles are transferred only on the man`s line is especially hard transferred.
However not always unwanted children are unloved children. Quite often they become the most favourite. Most often, on supervision, there are the most favourite younger, sick or frail children similar to parents or very beautiful.
As practice, despite a difference of destinies, for many shows if not for everything, unwanted children the increased uneasiness and sense of guilt for the fact that they came to this world are peculiar, without having met expectations of the relatives.
Feelings of loneliness, abandonment and a restlessness can be inherent in them. They are more often than desired children test a depression, affective frustration, unmotivated aggression or an autoaggression (from a gryzeniye of nails before suicide attempts), tendency to alcoholism and other dependences. According to some researches, abortion attempts, that is a birth nezhelannost, the reasons of some mental diseases speak.
Unwanted children are more often desired are are jealous, sensitive, are not successful in love, family life. It occurs because they cannot believe that they deserve love and the behavior provoke quarrels and partings, choose obviously improper partners.
It is important to emphasize that at unwanted children who are loved by parents especially both, the listed experiences and properties of character are less expressed, and prospects of the future are more favorable.
Unwanted children usually try as they can, prove all life to the parents that they it is better than the brothers - sisters.
At worst one unconsciously do it, drawing attention of parents with diseases, suicide attempts. Behind desire to receive the portion of pity at them there can be an attempt to receive from them though a love shred. Others, having lost hope for receiving love and attention of parents, just become unfortunate, losers. Some unwanted children, without having forgiven parents, begin to hate also them, and the brothers - sisters.
In safe options unwanted children are the most persistent fighters who by all means try to obtain progress for the sake of the main objective: to prove to parents that they were mistaken, having ranked them as unwanted. It is important to them to achieve bigger, than brothers - sisters, it seems to them that only this way it is possible to deserve love of parents. The birth Nezhelannost for such people is motivation for achievement of success, some kind of “ gold kick “ incentive for achievement of progress. However at all the success they can continue to feel lonely, restless or aggressive.
Meanwhile, curious supervision is known that the unwanted children most often the most careful who are diligently looking after sick and aged parents. Often parents die on hands at unwanted children. Thus they once again prove as far as they were worthy love and recognition. By the way, however, desired children get inheritance, as a rule.
As for unwanted children on a floor, they, except all listed problems, can have problems of gender and sexual identity, that is have tendency to homosexuality, a transseksualizm, a transvestizm, to suffer from various sexual frustration.
How the nezhelannost of the birth can negatively influence destiny of the person, tells such example from psychotherapeutic practice.
Young, deeply unfortunate woman complains that all men throw her. It turned out that it on the birth the second daughter. The father so wanted the son that till 5 years he called her the sonny and tried to bring up, contrary to its protests, from her “ real man “. As a result of such education his beloved daughter became the nervous, uncertain, unfortunate woman who to psychotherapy could not even give rise. She always lived with sense of guilt before the father and beloveds, was afraid to lose their love. And always all threw it, except the father whom she both loved, and hated at the same time.
And here how strongly the nezhelannost of the birth of the child influences his destiny, depends on many factors. Except love of parents, it both education, and a social environment, and also features of nervous system and ways of response of an organism to stresses, psychoinjuries. So it is impossible to tell that unwanted children are always unfortunate people though the birth nezhelannost always in some measure influences destiny.
Sometimes only understanding that all their problems are explained only by a birth nezhelannost to some people helps to estimate in a new way the acts, the relations, antecedents and the present. In difficult cases, of course, not to do without psychotherapy.