Jealousy: what does it mean?
Before beginning to argue on the reasons leading to this destructive feeling would be desirable to stipulate one moment. At many people harmful illusions concerning jealousy are created: pier, “ Is jealous, so loves “ “ is jealous, so is afraid to lose “ and to that similar delusions. To remove this veil from eyes, I will tell that the dominant cause of jealousy does not demonstrate rough love at all.
It is not it. And even not in fear to lose. The jealousy is, first of all, the mistrust sometimes flavored with uncertainty in itself and feeling of property.
If to look at a problem from this party, the reasons seeming initially noble become not such and pure. All of us are in own way owners by nature. However in the modern environment the level of expressiveness of feeling of a sobstvennichestvo comes to an end where social norms of society, inviolability of personal space of each person and other ethical barriers come into force.
It would seem, everything is beautiful. But, alas, and there is the spoon of tar: concept (and acceptance) social laws, laws of inviolability at each person - individual. In such a way that for one person - easy curiosity, for another can become total control.
However, we deviated from the main subject a little. So, jealousy.
The jealousy, as well as many other emotions, each person expresses in own way. Someone makes grandiose scandal, in rage destroys surrounding objects, and other person - opposite - quietly accumulates in himself rage once to blow up, like a volcano.
There is also the third type of jealousy. In my opinion, adjoining on meanness. In this type not only social norms of behavior, but also border of personal space of the partner are broken. It is installation of shadowing the partner, careful examination of personal belongings, pockets, the SMS, magazine of the entering / outgoing calls, the requirement of the strict reporting under carrying out day, to within a minute, and the other acts bringing the partner to a condition of a white kaleniye.
Such jealousy - the serious psychological dependence prevailing over the jealous man. Even if to lower the fact that the object of jealousy appears a little humiliated such total control of the life there is one more problem: the jealous man. The jealous person has a severe psychological stress, the peculiar obsession leading to nervous breakdowns and failures that, to put it mildly, not really favorably affects harmony in the relations.
How to be if near you excessively jealous partner? For a start we will dig at the time of formation of the relations.
If those days when you only began to grow up in common a flower of your love, the partner tries to control you is first signs.
However, here it is necessary to be especially sensitive, to feel a difference between control and natural curiosity, in view of that the relations in itself provide a certain control over each other acts. However ideally this control has to resemble unostentatious supervision more. You it is aware of affairs of each other. It is normal. It is abnormal when someone from partners begins to dictate the rules of carrying out: “ do not go " there; “ do not communicate from the subjects “ “ you incorrectly live “ and the other unfounded allegations which are smelling slightly of a despotism.
Eventually, listen to yourself: how comfortably for you the partner behaves? Whether he respects your opinion about this or that question whether he listens to it? Eventually, openly ask what its attitude towards jealousy. If to ask this question at that stage of the relations when the task of people to be pleasant each other it seems as fades into the background, there is a probability to receive the developed answer and already to solve for themselves, you suit it or not.
However there is also other party of a medal: calmness. That to the partner absolutely all the same, where with whom and what you are engaged in, there is nothing good too.
In everything and everywhere there has to be a golden mean. Control in the relations has to be similar to a lung, but reliable support “ under a lokotok “ saving you from falling but not to be the tenacious quick militiaman directed to that you did not escape anywhere. You feel a difference?