How to cope with shyness?
Any medal has two parties. Many lines of human character can be treated doubly too: both as advantages, and as shortcomings. The modesty, for example, - high quality, about it even in school textbooks is written. And here shyness - already it seems as bad. And therefore many want from it to get rid.
First of all needs to be realized that your shyness or shyness - a direct consequence of what you do not know which - what rights. It is right not in legal sense, and in the most everyday - at the level of human communication. Making contact with someone, you in advance as if deprive yourself, put in a dependency. The matter is that in human relations some conventions limiting our behavior that we did not gnaw through each other a throat like wolves furious are accepted. But the timid person limits himself even more. So, realize that you have following rights about which you, maybe, also do not suspect.
The right to refuse and not to feel like at the same time the egoist. be not afraid to seem stale - from - that you refuse to satisfy someone`s request, you do not become bad. Besides everything cannot please.
The right not to justify oneself before others for the behavior. the Shy person can always be calculated on the fact that he justifies himself and apologizes to the right and on the left - even then when from it it is not demanded.
Right for own assessment of the acts, thoughts and feelings. Be independent of opinion of people around, be not guided only by the fact that others think of you. If you are accused of something, and you consider yourself as the innocent, be not afraid to tell: “ It is my position, and you should consider it “.
The right for to being pleasant to someone. For all you will not be all the same dear. Be oneself, and then it will become clear by the most natural way who is who in your environment: who friend, who enemy, and who “ so “ friend.
Right for change of the opinion. Of course, it is necessary to have which - what vital principles, but also it must be kept in mind that each person changes over time. It is quite natural therefore if you are reproached with inconsistency, you always have the right to tell: “ Yes, yesterday I thought so, but today I think in a different way because I am a living person, but not the " car;. Or answer with words of one American president: “ Unless I cannot become cleverer today, than yesterday, having changed opinion? “
Right for mistakes and responsibility for them. be not afraid to be mistaken. It is necessary for your normal development. Not for nothing say that on mistakes study. But also it is impossible to refuse responsibility for them too.
The right to refuse responsibility for others problems. If someone wants to charge you with the problem, you have always the right to refuse to it. Many very much love “ to load “ thus other people. Quietly think and weigh everything “ for “ and “ against “ before agreeing to help someone (if it is, of course, not a matter of life and death).
Right for ignorance. Sometimes the timid person is afraid to admit to the interlocutor that he does not know something, - it is necessary to look away and agrees to nod. Do not hesitate to admit such situations honestly: “ I do not know it “. Or: “ Unfortunately, this name is unfamiliar to me “.
Right for misunderstanding. Persuasive interlocutors often use hints. They speak: “ Well, you understand what I mean … “ Safely answer with it “ to cunning boatswains “: “ No, I do not understand. Explain “ or “ You mean this and it? “ (you ask confirmation of your assumptions).
The right to be independent of others pity. If someone feels sorry for you, you get under its influence. Not at once - gradually. It can even be pleasant to you, but then do not complain of the shyness.
Right for observance of your rights. (The tautology in this case is pertinent). If your basic rights (lawful and universal) are restrained, it is necessary at least to try to protect them. For example, you have the right for information on a product which you buy. But which of you asks the shop assistant of usual shop (not a supermarket) to show you goods to look at an expiration date, structure or at least appearance? Agree, it happens seldom. Because can not just refuse to you, but also curse.
Timid young people at contact with other person never own an initiative - they are afraid of responsibility for it. First of all their shyness is shown at communication with an opposite sex. Guys think that if the girl refuses to them acquaintance or elementary communication, then the earth will yawn under their legs. Though, perhaps, it just does not like such type of appearance, it has troubles, for example, houses or she just reflected and is not ready for acquaintance. Girls get acquainted less often, but want to make it, probably, not less children, however too hesitate. You look at acquaintance as on game. Beginning to communicate, do not think of prospects of acquaintance, of how you look. If with you make contact, so sympathize with you. Yes, you can lose in this game, but in this case “ to lose “ - it does not mean “ to get beaten “.
Shyness is shown not only in personally - intimate relations, but also in ordinary life. I have an acquaintance who hesitates to approach a booth and to ask, how much is this or that product. I was afraid to glance in a minibus with tinted glasses two years ago to look whether there are empty seats. Now it is difficult to me to explain it.
Anyway, in our century of precipitancy shyness often prevents to live in all. So learn the rights, demand their observance, be moderately modest and adequate!