Rus Articles Journal

Whether it is possible to be engaged in business in Russia? Buratino`s principle and shuttle diplomacy of

Before being engaged in business, it is necessary to acquire the fundamental principle of business activity in our country - Buratino`s principle.

Buratino is you, the beginning businessman. A fox Alice and Basilio`s cat holding Buratino by legs for the purpose of a vytryakhivaniye of all monetary resources are government bodies. A fox - the tax inspection seeking to slupit legal taxes. Kot - officials, firefighters, sanepidemshchik, cops and everyone shelupon, wishing to warm hands near others business. - that are able to do nothing, here and it is necessary to turn.

So, you decided to become a businessman and to earn money. Big money. You are young, vigorous and ambitious. Graduated from higher education institution, read several books on network marketing and obligatory Carnegie and Li Yakkok.

You are sure that, having put into practice councils of the western managers, it is possible to grow rich? The deepest delusion for our country. In Russia the beginnings of 21 centuries it is possible to become the rich only when sharing the budgetary pie. And the stranger on “ sawing up “ the budget the entrance is strictly prohibited.

You do not agree with this statement and consider that money can be earned by fair means, for example, making something. There is a wish to notice that producers in our country are not loved. Love getters. For example, oil. Or gas. Drilled a hole in the earth and swing that never belonged to you, but brings fantastic profits. You incidentally have no oil reserves on the seasonal dacha? No, and you still hope to make something useful to society. The romantic from capitalism. Well, go on this hard way with unpredictable result.

At first we define structure of shareholders or shareholders of future firm. For simplicity we solve - you one. Presence of partners in business will lead to scandals, sharing of money, property and purchase of false documents for accommodation in the remote parts of our terrestrial ball sooner or later.

Then we form legal entity. No, of course, it is possible to work also as the simple businessman without this person. But you do not want to be presented to the future western partners (by all means we will organize production of the goods suitable for the western market) as Pupkin Individual Enterprise. Unpresentably somehow.

So, we will organize Ltd company. Limited liability company. Word “ limited “ warms soul. Here, the state already the first time also took care of the beginning businessman and, having limited his responsibility, undertook the main freight of cares! It is not necessary to play with useless illusions.

The first that you have to remember: the state is a device of violence. Not I told it, this is V. I. Lenin. Therefore we will quote: “ violence device “. Will force you since the beginning of filing of application about opening of firm and to death. To that physical death. Because even if the firm is already closed and the long-awaited pension came, in your mailbox there will be notices on failure to pay taxes, and it is possible to expect safely visit of bailiffs for the inventory of a mortgaged property long ago. Everything from - for the fact that you not just submit the application for business opening. You enter the contractual relations with this most violent device and, getting to millstones of huge bureaucratic machinery, have to realize clearly that millstones thresh as want and that want. Present yourself the commander of guerrilla group in the back of the enemy. Around Germans (state), politsa (bandits), mines (the overdue credits), and you need to blow up the train with “ Tigers “ (to get profit and to dump to Canary Islands). Presented? This iyest business in Russian.

All right, it is not necessary to be afraid. We go further.

Name. Any. We pass. No, it is necessary to think. The name defines future of firm. We do brainstorming with friends, relatives. At last, the girlfriend prompts: “ Gold key “. You at once represent yourself Buratino putting five fools, gold in the field of the country, and agree.

By the way, it is also possible to organize closed joint stock company, joint stock company or a general partnership. But it is better to begin with simpler forms of business.

There passed week and you the happy owner of the certificate on registration of LLC “ Gold key “. We open the bank account, we do the press. It is not difficult.

Now we define a kind of activity. You still want to be engaged in production? It is a pity, it is a pity. It is a pity for you, would go better to trade.

So, we open production of balloons. In the paid market research in the newspaper clearly it is written that the country is expected by excessive demand for balloons, there are not enough production capacities, and for import will enter such customs duties soon that foreign balls will burst for rage even before crossing of border.

We make business - the plan. Occupation is rather fascinating as calculations clearly show emergence of profit in the end of the year. The mood sharply increases. Has a longing for labor deeds. There is a devilish wish to work!

Investments. 50000 constantly falling green rubles are necessary. We open the newspaper - we read: “ Credits to small business “. We call. Still we call. The twentieth time we call. Sent everywhere and correctly, by the way, made. “ You Take strangers, you give the “. I do not remember who told, but is better to quote, just in case. Nobody will give the credit to you without good credit history and pledge. We go on friends, acquaintances. People all already scientific also send far away with a light heart and abusive words.

And here you are lucky. The fate in business means much. On the Internet you find business - the partner in Germany (or in Sweden, not an essence important) and he agrees to buy balls on condition of low price on production, the promise to work only with it until the end of a capitalist system in its country and presence of good production base at you. The theoretical profit of the project sharply falls, but on bread and butter still remains. And you … Here it is a high time to remember a joke shuttle diplomacy. Because all Russian business is constructed on this joke. Who knows, can pass the following paragraph, and for the others I tell.

Henry Kissinger (for youth is the former U.S. Secretary of State) is asked by journalists: what is shuttle diplomacy.

is, - Henry answers, - it is very simple. Tell whether it is possible to marry Rockefeller`s daughter to the simple Russian man Ivan?

Journalists, of course, make a helpless gesture

- It’s impossible!

- Easily, by means of shuttle diplomacy. At first we fly by plane to Russia, to the remote Siberian village. We find the most solid man there and we ask him: Ivan, you want to take Rockefeller`s daughter in the wife? That, of course, answers:

- And on figs it is necessary to me!

- And if you at the same time are the operating Swiss bank?

- Well, then another matter.

we Fly to Switzerland. We come into the biggest bank and we ask: - you Want

that the simple Russian man Ivan became your managing director.

the Indignant Swiss bankers answer:

- And on figs it is necessary to us!

- And if it is at the same time Rockefeller`s son-in-law?

- Well, then another matter

we Sit down aboard the plane and through Atlantic in New - York. To Rockefeller. We ask:

- Rockefeller, you want that the simple Russian man Ivan became your son-in-law?

- And on figs it is necessary to me!

- And if it is the managing director of the largest Swiss bank?

- Well, then another matter.

It is necessary to agree with Rockefeller`s daughter. We ask it:

- you Want to marry the managing director of the Swiss bank? The father agrees.

- And on figs it is necessary to me!

- And if it is the solid Russian man Ivan?

the Answer, I hope, it is clear. It is necessary to use the principles underlain in this joke in business.

We go on the most mean plant which is not paying for months a salary, but possessing quite good cases. We show to the director the contract with the German partner, we tell about bright future and we promise if the director rests, a money in an envelope. In exchange we receive the lease contract of shop.

Then the blue suit with outflow is put on, we take from the friend for the evening the decent foreign car and we invite the chief (better the chief) credit department of bank to a dinner in expensive restaurant. We show the contract, the lease contract, we put the apartment and we obtain the credit.

It is clear further. We buy the equipment, we employ workers and we begin to let out balls. Search of the eurotruck, a bribe at customs (it is exclusive for process acceleration), and the first party of balls in Germany. Red, and your partner ordered blue...

We start everything anew.