How not to make the wrong choice of the partner in life?
Often happen so that attractive young girls who think of that with which of numerous admirers to share the lot are involuntarily visited by the same thoughts, as the bride from “ Marriages “ N. V. Gogol: “ If yes to put Nicanor Ivanovich`s lips to Ivan Kuzmich`s nose and to take how many - nibud forwardness as at Balthasar Baltazarovich and, perhaps, would decide to add to it still Ivan Pavlovich`s portlinesses - I then immediately … “ .
Happens that before the similar choice there are also young men. So it is possible to dream and suffer infinitely long. But in reality it is necessary to make some decision everything - and, proceeding from the general acceleration of a current of time, in rather short time. Otherwise all will decide life for you. And not the fact that its decision will be pleasant to you.
the Problem usually consists that requirements imposed to future partner in life mutually exclude each other. For example, often young girls argue approximately so: “ I want that my future husband was a real man, namely, high, broad-shouldered, with strong character, self-assured. And still - that he was not jealous me. That he rejoiced when I am pleasant to others … “.
Unfortunately, such requirement, as well as some to it similar, is inconsistent in the most essence. The strong man who closes eyes to novels of the wife it is as unnatural as the tiger who is running away from an antelope. Laws of psychology, as well as laws of the nature, do not know exceptions.
do not fall into a trap to psychopaths
Happens, of course, that the specific person is the carrier absolutely different, whether slightly opposite traits of character. But if this internal contradiction is rather expressed, then such subject is mentally unstable personality. And whether it is worth casting in the lot with similar creation? The combination of incongruous traits of character creates persons bright, unpredictable which easily pass from fun to tears, from sincere love and full confidence to causeless jealousy and hatred. And many young people are attracted by similar thrills, but, unfortunately, too often they in the future should regret.
For this reason is not necessary at once, having only got acquainted with the person suitable in appearance, to rush to marriage in response to the first made proposal. If the new acquaintance or the acquaintance differs in mental instability, then it will reveal only over time, at the beginning of your relations he (she) will try to behave. You do not hurry, try to learn more about the person near whom you are going to live life, at least, not to face the marriage speculator. whether
Is necessary to you “ very strong “ man?
One more often found delusion is that practically all girls, thinking of future husband, want to see it “ very strong “. But, unfortunately, they do not consider the fact that rather strong person cannot absolutely be operated. And at the same time girls by all means want that it met expectations of relatives and friends about “ ideal spouse “ that is fulfilled all requirements of the wife and, at least, “ did not drink, did not smoke and always gave flowers “.
Alas to operate “ very strong “ the man it is possible approximately equally well how to operate weather. Perhaps of course, and the sun to look out, but maybe dozhdichek to appear suddenly, as well as a hurricane, both a storm, and a blizzard. Two strong characters in one family are very heavy cross. Such couples are internally inconsistent, konfliktna and all their quarrels and showdowns are reduced to the same question: who in the house the owner?
Thus, if at you at the strongest character if you are stubborn and not really flexible, if you from those who always succeed in everything, then choose the husband to yourself on forces. The ideal partner for you - the man with gentle disposition who is not applying for leadership. He will agree to play a role conducted, it will be pleasant to him if all problems are solved without it.
But at the same time to any strongest woman everything is it is necessary to learn to play a role of the classical woman - soft, womanly, subordinated. Try to pretend such at least. The clever man, of course, will solve your game. But he willingly will accompany you if you do not overstep the reasonable limits, for example, will not be “ to build “ it at strangers.
Partially aforesaid it is possible to address also to the man. It seems to some men that the woman will be able to be pleasant to them only equal to them on force. Possibly it and so, but then be ready to the relations, difficult, conflict and unpredictable on the duration. Much more quietly, more natural and more traditional marriage in which the man plays the leading role. Such situation usually does not leave the place for questions and doubts and it is necessary to play nothing.
And can be all - is necessary?
If you are ready to devote life to service to other person, to be dissolved in the identity of the spouse and are deeply convinced that this identity of that deserves, then you can really cast in the lot with “ very strong “ partner. Your marriage will be quite harmonious if you are reconciled with differences of his moods, patiently to nurse it when he goes to a depression and to accept the fact that it will divide the victories not only with you. The main thing, as we know, that the purpose justified means. Therefore besides look narrowly more attentively at the candidate for spouses: whether on the business it such outstanding what seemed to you at first sight and whether really deserves to sacrifice it the most expensive that you have - own life and destiny.
the Choice without the choiceIs also unconditional
that there are couples at which the ratio of forces is close to 50õ50. They help each other with all undertakings, support each other in misfortunes and suit one another as two halves of a single whole. But in such cases, as a rule, and the problem of the choice is not necessary. Such partners usually at first sight know that they are created for each other. This great happiness and great gift, unfortunately, available not to all.
Several practical advice
in conclusion of several practical advice. Surely take an interest in a family of future elect. If your partner was brought up by the loving parents in a close-knit family if he before eyes had all the time an example of how the man and the woman in a family have to behave, then your chances of successful marriage considerably increase. Of course, in case your darling from a dysfunctional family, is yet not a final sentence, but with it it is necessary to you very not easy - at least, at first.
Try to take care also of learning as much as possible about the elect. At the same time it is not important whether your interests and aspirations are similar, or you supplement each other more likely. It is important that you had similar ideas of family life what increases your chances to become a happy family.
And, at last, rely whenever possible on exact knowledge and the real facts, than on someone`s including own, intuition and conjectures. If, of course, the love did not capture you to such an extent that completely deprived of common sense. In this case, unfortunately, all councils are powerless. It is necessary only to hope that love at you real and she will sort things out.
If you are not sure of the love, try to understand at least yourself and to honestly answer itself a question: who are you and what actually from life is necessary for you? The most honest answer to this question will sharply increase your chances to conclude the happy alliance. Remember that in a marriage of convenience there is nothing terrible if, of course, this calculation is right.