How to help the child to endure a grief of loss of the loved one?
the Situation from severe reality: at the child someone from parents died, other close relatives. It is crushing on weak children`s mentality. Not to each adult on forces “ adequately “ to take out such blow: not to fall into despair, into a depression, not to become embittered on the world. And how to cope to the child?
I Will try to give several advice how to help the child to endure a grief of loss of the loved one without serious consequences for mentality.
1. How the child was small (even if he is only 3 years old) it is not necessary to hide from him death of the relative. Many complain that it is very difficult to explain to the kid that, for example, the father any more will never come from work or the brother will not return from school. It is necessary to try to find words which would be available to children`s understanding. It is desirable not to speak at the same time in equivoques, semi-hints, phrases from fairy tales. “ Your little sister sleeps tight and she long cannot be awoken! “ “ Your grandmother departed to a fairyland and will return not soon! “ Similar phrases can engender false hopes, expectations, illusions in soul of the child. Such phrases are especially harmful: “ Here, you the grandfather did not obey, and he died now! “ “ If you obey us with mother, then sometime your little sister will return! “ It is in general a sadism. When over time the child understands the truth, he will count himself deceived if to it did not tell it like it is at once.
2. It is not necessary to spare mentality of the child, hiding from him the grief, tears. Let the child see and knows that you mourn too, grieve, suffer, grieve and grieve. It will awaken sympathy, empathy, compassion in the child.
3. It is not necessary to leave the child of one in the grief. Death of close - the misfortune of all family, and so, is important that all family grieved together. It is necessary to speak with the child about the dead, to help it to have a good cry, it is not necessary to calm and console, let grieves on an equal basis with adults.
4. It is not necessary that the child avoided to be on process of a funeral. Let too will go to a cemetery, will stay on commemoration. It is clear, that to it it will become very terrible, it is important here that with it there was someone nearby, the friend of the family who is not strongly captured by a grief, for example.
5. It is not necessary to become angry about the child, to accuse him of callousness, callousness if he soon after death of the loved one shows pleasure, has fun. Especially it concerns to children - preschool children. For example, 4 - x the summer kid learned that at him the grandmother died. Here he bitterly cries, but there pass ten minutes, and the child smiles already again. No, he not stale, not heartless, he just forgot about misfortune, was distracted by a favourite toy. And if someone begins to cry again, the child will renew after a while to grieve on the grandmother. The grief will be sincere.
6. If it is possible, let the child will stay with the dying relative the last minutes of life. It is necessary in order that the child had then no sense of guilt for the fact that he did not stay, did not say goodbye, well and that illusions and false hopes did not arise.
7. It is necessary that daily regime of the child, especially small, was not strongly broken in connection with death of the relative. It is not necessary to cancel holidays in a family. It will seem you blasphemy, but if the child who lost the little sister forever in a week birthday, let has a holiday. Of course, not such cheerful, not such noisy, but holiday.
8. It is not necessary to force the child to remember constantly the dead and to speak only about him, especially at first.
9. It is very important that during the first hours and days after death of the relative, with the child whose family was comprehended by misfortune there was a person who is not captured by a grief. It is necessary that during these heavy moments to the child was on whom to rely that there was a support, there was that to whom it is possible to talk about the dead quietly.
If the child knows and feel that he is not lonely in the grief that after a grief surely there will occur the pleasure that he is ready to be listened and supported, then weight of loss will be experienced with the smallest damage to mentality, and the child will get invaluable life experience of empathy. To grieve is a serious and hard work.