Dogs in the manger - who are they?
All of us know this phrase about people who, as they say, “ and itself - not din, and to others - I will not give “. In matrimonial life as such here “ dogs “ as a rule, the wife - the wife already unloved, understanding that the family center not just cracked acts, and simply - collapses, but - strong holding it both hands.
What forces wives to behave in this way? Why women do not want divorce even then when there is no family actually and joint life that is not any more?
So, a top - a leaf of the reasons:
1. So women who sincerely love behave and cannot reconcile to thought that their love and life is destroyed, and cling to splinters both hands. There now such people are often lovely, house, never betraying … It is clear and is somehow explainable, but such it is not enough in comparison with other categories.
2. Because it is difficult for woman to destroy a family in which there are children often adoring the father. The woman can step on a throat to herself, but tear soul to children - a hundred times more difficult.
3. Because the housing problem of all spoiled. Well, they will divorce, and to live - that where? Also the rich get divorced, and not really - but the last it is more. The one-room apartment, for example, is not exchanged in general for anything. “ Two-room flat “ - too only on one-room plus a gostinka (or on two one-room is if is it is sensitive “ superfluous “ money for surcharge). And it is good still if in this one-room apartment there are mother with the kid. There are options more abruptly:
and) children two are three - and grandmothers will have all in this odnushka or in general - grandfathers;
) the apartment - premarital property of one of spouses. More difficult - if it is property of the husband and the woman has no right for a living space in general (under the new code). Children - a separate subject. And mother can be ready to do anything 4 parties; the family has no
in) own apartment at all, they live in removable, and this apartment mainly on money of the husband is rented.
4. It is absolutely bad to get divorced if the husband has money, communications and situation in society and at the same time does not differ in generosity and high moral qualities at all. It can deprive mother of the right of guardianship over children (yes, in the illegal way, but it is necessary to face the truth: we live in the country of legal nihilism), and it be healthy what limiting factor if children for mother - value.
5. And in general divorce in a situation when the child seriously also is for a long time sick is terrible, and mother - it is continuous at it, and the father earns money. Or - is more rare - on the contrary. In such situations only the rare matrimonial relations rally, in the majority of cases of the spouse, rolled up by a grief, begin with mutual recriminations, shortage of money and uncertainty in tomorrow each other quietly or to hate loudly, to accuse of that are this, but - where you will get to from the submarine?
6. Still the reason - because to live “ for the husband “ in the former Soviet Union - owing to mentality - socially priyemlemy, than the single. Very few people want to be madam Broshkina … Will point a finger and morals of a tap “ Oh, sho people will tell “ it is still strong in our society. In any case, in country towns pressure of this factor absolutely serious.
7. Because to live “ for the husband “ among other things both conveniently, and it is favorable, especially if the woman also does not work at keeping of the husband itself, or her earnings do not come within miles from it.
8. Because if the gap occurs in the age range not 20 - 30, and “ for 40 “ also is more senior, the woman accurately understands that chances to marry once again (especially in the presence of children, and especially juvenile) at her are insignificant. It is important not only in respect of the device of private life, but also in the plan economic: if the woman lived on keeping of the husband or her salary does not allow “ to lift “ children (especially if their more than one) - it is heavy to it to decide on a gap doubly.
And still there is a mix from all above-stated reasons, plus still something else, like call of duty (more often in a false manner understood) before the person with whom does not connect anything any more, except a stamp in the passport, before relatives (especially sick, aged and needing care) etc.
Anyway - the speech about a normal family cannot go any more. If as remains - that only imitation. Fake. Forgery.
Yes, it is very difficult to solve something, having appeared in one of above-mentioned difficult family situations. But, as we know, being in system, it is impossible to estimate adequately it, and it is for the same reason difficult to find the solution in similar cases. There is no opportunity to twist a situation under different points of view and to look for new vision and a new way of an exit. In such cases, as a rule, people address the psychologist.
However even if there is no such opportunity, do not carry “ in total in “ talk to friends, the family though with the fellow traveler in the train - and, most likely, it will become easier. In - the first because, perhaps, will prompt you the direction of the movement which you did not see earlier. And in - the second, because, that you at last were uttered …