The aunt Liouba of
Always somebody did not get or got something a little or in the perverted look, not as there was a wish, or too late.
At the aunt Liouba, nurses are hospitals where my mother worked, there was a son of Genk. I did not see to Genk, but according to stories of the aunt Liouba the guy of black color who hung the head, unlucky and not really tidy was presented to me. It, 25 summer, drowned, not sober crossing a reservoir in the downtown. And the aunt Liouba, speaking about it, for some reason did not look unfortunate. Then I even not accurately understood that Genk, eternally drunk, eternally fought or fired - she has enough by son. And now I ask a question: why she was not distressed.
On my seventeen years` representations of that time, telling about death of the son, it was necessary to have a little cry nevertheless. But the aunt Liouba had no tears. Firmly she pronounced words, somehow without juice, without moisture, without anguish. Or perhaps the aunt Liouba was at heart glad to release. Precisely it is impossible to tell.
the Aunt Liouba never looked the heart-broken and pressed-down problems. It always was vigorous and ready to burst out laughing. But she, seemingly, did not realize the cheerfulness, that is she did not know that it is vigorous: she was not a philosopher of the life. Many people on the basis of the life experience do theories. For example, that it is impossible to be good to people - you will not receive the evil. Or that everything keeps on the woman, and the man - if only to have a good time. But most often people have no theory, and they take the ordinary phrase or the quote for the thought. And here the aunt Liouba so unfairly never did - did not give popular wisdom for the and did not pretend that it here what guessed. It was guided by some dukhopodjemny idea hidden from it it seems “ and the one who from songs on life walks that will never and anywhere be gone “ or still some another. I do not know, than the aunt Liouba kept. What thought and what example.
Likely, everything in soul dried at it in volume the moment or even withered - some roots or branches. Here so, probably, was. Or perhaps it was its way to endure a grief. To me this way was unknown. And the being detdomovka the aunt Liouba knew it.
The aunt Lyubiny round eyes did not express cunning at all. It was frank. Faced to you directly, without ulterior motive, joyfully. The aunt Liouba firmly said concordants: Ä - duska. She small was growth as there was a child of war and in the childhood was half-starved properly. Rare hair are smoothly combed. On the head a crest. A dark dress in a waist. Valenoks. I do not remember
that the Aunt Liouba condemned somebody, I heard only once as she spoke to my mother about someone: “ Is not present yes ushshipnt. Is not present yes ushshipnt “. The aunt Liouba showed a hand as it shshipat - with zavoroty to emphasize meanness and special morbidity of such pinches. And still told the word “ reproached “ . the story about reproaches of some man for a tetilyubina or someone`s not virginity was
It. And the aunt Liouba attached significance to reproach. She yours faithfully spoke: “ Reproached “. Here the man in the dead man`s suit (a strict positive image) is represented to me. This man reproached. His head is turned from it and slightly down. Or he looks out of the window and smokes the belomor tormented with a prejudice. He does not know that it is a prejudice. And therefore really suffers. And she does not know too that it is a prejudice, and too suffers fault and hopelessness. Business - that is made, long ago, many years ago, and any more will not correct.
Once at us in kitchen sitting on a stool, the Aunt Liouba with a light smile remembered about the boy on a fir-tree in its orphanage which stared at the girl Liouba. And she sighed that here not on the cards, and could live well. But all also came to an end in this peeping. Interestingly, the aunt Liouba where it now said. In this place of my memoirs at me always presses heart. Because there passes the border absolutely of other life: at the aunt Liouba this lightest reminiscence in private life. I cannot tell
that the aunt Liouba had a person, scared or ready unfortunately or to blow a male fist. Perhaps, the word humility approaches better, than the word an intimidation. There passed 30 years and I suddenly shuddered from thought: tetilyubino the person was the person of an angel: neither envy, nor rage, nor a grief was on her face. But only patience and readiness to be delighted.
the Aunt Liouba presented me a ringlet with a fragment of glass. Removed from a finger and told: carry. It was the first in my life ringlet. I with disgust considered it then and nosed out and found in it smells of meat and an organism. Mother told - throw out. And I threw out. And it is a shame because the gift and the aunt Liouba does not know that they acted with a gift this way.
In the described time in shops of our city was not almost any food. 400 grams of meat or boiled sausage on the person in a month gave out according to coupons. My mother for a family of five people, of course, had to get meat. We were lucky: the aunt Liouba got access to the major scarce product, it was arranged to work for meat-processing plant. We with mother came to the aunt Liouba to its Khruschev`s apartment in the residential district H. to buy meat which the aunt Liouba secretly brought from work. From edges and motalyzhek mother cooked soup. Pelmeni and pies from meat and potato - kurnik, and also echpechmak and belyashes - allowed to forget about hunger and rallied our family. It was cold to live meatless. Already much later, at the end of 80 - x years when in shops products disappeared again, and the salary ceased to be vyplatichivat, I cooked meatless soup. After such lunch there was a wish to lie facing a wall and not to talk. Once late evening, in a frost, having wrapped up
in a shawl and having put on valenoks, we with mother came to the aunt Liouba home. We are knocked. Do not open. We stand on a staircase - not for long. We see - the tired aunt Liouba rises red from a frost also, it rolls over in a fat shawl and a gray coat - a jug.
Having entered the apartment, the aunt Liouba is slowly unwound. Under a shawl on a stomach and on hips - pieces of meat are hided. It is clear, it is not surprising. How you will carry by? On. And still threw through a fence. But the kidatelny method does not guarantee safety - so far will reach …. The accomplice is necessary. I was surprised properly, only when the aunt Liouba got the thin layers of beef which were settling down on the head. 1975.
My strongest impression of the aunt Liouba was on March 8: the aunt Liouba and the husband her Nikolay (so she called him) came on a visit to us. They sat with parents at a table in the big room - in the hall and were treated. The husband of the aunt Liouba was a worker at plant. It was lean, dark-haired and suddenly and is unstoppable is angry. His face was extended and bent as at indyuka:iz - for injuries at Nikolay the jaw was weak-willed and itself could not move and drooped, Nikolay helped itself to chew a hand. Moved a jaw up - down. He kept saying, looking at my mother (and mother is 33 years old): eh, where I was earlier! It at the aunt Liouba, at my father. And it was terrible to me to think how there could be our life - with this uncle Kolya.
Having become tipsy, the aunt Liouba started singing the song. This song I, as well as remembered all such songs forever from the first presentation word for word. Why such songs and rhymes were so easily remembered? What magnetism they possess for the teenager? Here both anticipation of sex and destiny. There were songs which are openly calling action. For example, this I remember all life: “ I Went to bathe time, I was watched by the bandit, I began to undress, and he speaks to me: what thighs at you what buffers, whether it is impossible to pochikat you a chasochka one and a half. The guy was beautiful, well as not to give him, I laid down on a sand, it became me …. “ This rhyme did not concern therefore whether that there is no bondage here, there is no crippled life, and there is a flippant attitude this ordinary and delightful event. Tetilyubina the song was about the girl who admitted: “... and what since the childhood protected I gave it. And in a year the son, a sea wave the brawler and who is guilty of it was born? Of course, captain “. This sexual implication of a song concerned and pushed away. Because already then I consciously did not want to be unfortunate, thrown and deceived. But the sense of words of this song for me was menacing: no, you will be unfortunate, thrown and unnecessary! So all live.
Then, in many years I had an opportunity to look in a new way at songs of the thrown women. But it occurred how to me there was a divorce. I asked myself: what I do not so why I am not lucky. I asked this question also to the scientific girlfriend TP. She wisely answered me: Here matter in your behavior, maybe, is something superfluous. And the secret to me was revealed, one of secrets. There is sad and even a song of horrors “ On the Murom path “. There it is sung how the guy promised the girl to marry and married other girl. In the song there is one very convincing detail: “ down looked down. Likely, he understood that he broke my life “. In our sort was enough women with the broken destiny that is who lost husbands in the war or did not marry. And at suitable cases with tears in eyes and a look there, afar spoke about somebody: “ And she loved his all life “. It was meant: loved, but nobody guessed, spoke to nobody, lived with another, and loved that. And here is how - that gradually arose the management - small and steady (so, and it is more in any way!) : all life it is necessary to love one and it is desirable not the husband. And the one who threw you. I forbade herself to treat seriously this song forever and to identify myself with the heroine. I decided to be happy.
To imagine what was intimate life of the Aunt Liouba with Nikolay can. She lies on a back and looks aside. What she thinks of - nobody knows. And he works puffing, without words, without caress. It does not help it because does not want to be dissolute. And still it was, likely, in a long nightgown. Hair are smoothly brushed. And from it smells of the reek of alcohol, the prima, onions, gasoline. And she suffers and to her niskolechko is not sweet.
Her younger son Zhenka - I remember nothing about him. Only as in kitchen learned lessons. Blonde, blue eyes.
and it is sharply sorry for me now. Because it was not died at it, probably. As well as at many others in this residential district N. One fell in early years in a grave - from diseases and troubles, seated on prisons.
the Others became workers or live on a welfare for disabled.
So, we will return to a question of resources. What the aunt Liouba, except work had, death of the son and the drunk husband?
of the Aunt Liouba is dead long ago. Told: heart attack. But early, early. Did not live also to 60.
Senselessness of existence carries away people not worse, than radiation or chemical plant. These smiling faces of my schoolmates - a third was not already to 20 - mu to a class.
And son Zhenya? He, maybe, too feels protected by a family, as well as I am still protected by the family of that time and way - from within.
I Hope, as the family protects Tetilyubin with the uncle Kolya. I hope that the boy Zhenya is living and does not suffer physically. And it has time to think of the kind mother. That it for everything has enough money. And that he does not strive for death and unfortunately as these moths from the residential district N.