Than adults offend children or How to be a wise parent?
“ The Animal can be never as cruel as the person, so artistic, is so artly cruel “.
(Dostoyevsky F. M.)
What you remember the childhood? In total? Is not present? Certain moments, talk with parents? And they so accurately at you in memory are written down, as if yesterday happened to you. One of my teachers who wrote many works on children`s psychology told such thing once.
It is known that the consciousness is a normal state in which the person is self-controlled, controls itself and adequately realizes the place in the world. Approximately till 7 - 9 years the children`s consciousness is not permanent. The children`s consciousness works as the recorder that is when it joins, or opens, then the brain writes down everything that occurs around.
For example, if at present:
• you abused the child without the special reasons,
• if you switched off the TV on the middle of the animated film,
• if parents among themselves quarreled
- he will remember it as offense for the rest of life. Or in his memory there will be an unpleasant deposit which will emerge in certain situations when it becomes the adult and to press on it. And it is probable, will spoil mentality.
If at the time of discovery of consciousness you:
• reasonably resolved with your child the arisen dispute,
• or learned the alphabet
- it will acquire quicker the obtained information and will become more judicious in life, with healthy mentality.
Having learned it, I drew a parallel with myself and understood that those high points which I remember from the childhood are the moments when my consciousness opened, and suddenly realized that all these moments are remembered at me from a positive side. I understood that to be fair, judicious, emotionally - counterbalanced always and everywhere is a hard work under the name “ PARENT “.
Cannot be foreseen and externally it is not shown at the child when it opens consciousness. Emotions - here that spoils mentality of the child or does it steadier. Children, in comparison with adults, react to the events more vividly around, they are more sensitive to an emotional situation in a family. From education, nature of the dominating emotions depends on all situation in a family : the kind child or angry, sociable or closed, sad or cheerful.
Emotions and feelings of children define all their further behavior. That is why those who directly communicates with children should know and always to remember the opening consciousness and fragility of children`s soul: it is necessary to inspire in children love, kindness, courage, other emotions which will positively influence development of the identity of the growing person.
Parents cannot write out recipes which would provide them further permission of all arising problems in the course of education of the child and correct formation of its mentality, but is possible to specify frequent mistakes :
1. you do not speak to the child: “ You same stubborn (thick-headed, …), as your father (your mother)! “.
2. do not call the child: the fool, the idiot, stupid …, do not allow abusive expressions neither in his address, nor at its presence at all.
3. do not raise the voice, communicating with it.
4. do not abuse on trifles, (the tableware dropped by it, stumbled, had wet feet, ached), be adequate!
5. do not deride its shortcomings, try to turn shortcomings into advantages or to wisely eradicate them.
6. do not compare the child to other children, including to brothers, sisters. It is the best!
7. do not repeat to it that it something has to you. A debt of the person - in a reproduction human. You gave birth to him, he will give birth to the child and so on.
of 8. do not abuse it in public places, in the presence of strangers. Houses quietly sort out the relations, explain to him that it behaved badly.
9. do not straighten out it at the top of the voice on the street (take out a finger from a nose!, pull out a hand from trousers!) do not dishonor. Explain houses.
10. If arranged a hysterics in shop concerning not bought doll, the machine, you do not hurry to lecture it and you do not fly into a rage. Let`s it calm down, calm down and only then accurately and tactfully talk to it.
11. Respect his opinion (of course, within limits). You do not speak to it: “ You still sopliv! “ or “ Nobody asks You! “ Learn to listen to your child. If it is not right, explain to him.
12. If in your house guests spent the night, do not ask the child ustupayt to guests the room and, by no means, his bed.
The list of parental mistakes is not limited to it. The listed errors the most frequent and typical in educational process. Feelings which arise at the child after incorrectly resolved conflicts or the wrong approach to it, offensive and destructive for children`s mentality. They destroy mentality of the little man, his health and its future relations with other people. The offense generates sufferings, anger, stimulates to do to spite. The reason of emergence of offense - unsatisfied requirements. Needs of the child: love, understanding and respect. You remember it, do not make mistakes and do not repeat them.
Teach the child to restraint and wisdom, cultivate his will. And then it will not be so heavy to it to become emotionally - the balanced PARENT and to bring up the psychologically healthy child!