How to reveal and stop sexual violence over children? Rape and public morals, and the criminal code consider
as the most serious crime against the personality. Consequences of sexual violence for the child are heavy always, influence of such experience is felt throughout all further life.
I will give some facts: children - the victims 10 times more often make attempts of a suicide, than other children of the same age group. At 85% of adult patients of psychiatric clinics history of sexual violence in the childhood comes to light; and 90% of the people suffering from heavy personal frustration also have history of sexual violence.
What it is necessary to consider as sexual violence over children? According to psychologists, it both seksualizirovanny caress, and use of the child for sexual stimulation of adults, and sexual stimulation of the child, and sexual exploitation (production of a pornography), and actually rape.
Alas, it is necessary to dispel the myth about spiteful maniacs : the statistics proves that the most widespread scenario is a violence of the adult family member or friend of the family over the girl - the teenager. In total 35 - 40% of rapes are the share of a share of family members (stepfathers, uncles, brothers, fathers, grandfathers). Another 40 - 50% of cases occur because of friends of family members, accepted in the house. That is, in 85 - 90% of cases the criminal is well-known to the child, and only 10 - 15% of rapes are made by strangers.
For this reason on a surface “ comes up “ only insignificant part of crimes, in the majority of cases children just are silent. The smallest victims are silent because they do not understand what happened to them (or consider it as norm - the native person acts this way). Growing up, they realize that there is something unacceptable, however more senior children and teenagers in cases of family violence too, alas, are silent - because are afraid and ashamed; because do not believe that will believe them; because are afraid to destroy a family and to hurt someone from people dear to them.
One more myth about tyrants - the myth about their frightening, criminal appearance . Alas, this delusion is dangerous because children wait for ominous signs in advance and can not wait until the tyrant passes to actions. Especially as most of tyrants - good psychologists: they perfectly are able “ to bullshit “ inexperienced and naive (what it there thought of the coolness and awareness on life) to a being.
The adults who planned violence, of course, will not be enough the child in the middle of the street and to snatch as wild animals - it is characteristic only of maniacs to whose share the small percent of rapes falls (yes, it is the loudest percent, but it - only an iceberg top). Besides, in reality tyrants often do not look asocial at all: it is frequent not bums and alcoholics, but citizens very decent in appearance.
A typical trick of tyrants - an enticement . The imagination at them is extensive and gives the mass of options of baits and traps about which both parents, and children need to know. It is necessary to explain to the child that never follows :
- to approach unfamiliar adults closer than on meter, especially if they are in the car;
- to enter the elevator with the unfamiliar adult or to come along with it into an entrance;
- alone to go with the adult - both unfamiliar, and unfamiliar, both in familiar, and to the unfamiliar place under any pretext: to look / take as a gift / to help to cure a puppy or a kitten, to take a package for the father, to help with some economic trifle, to carry out and show the street or the house;
- to get into the car with acquaintances and the more so unfamiliar even if they report that “ father / mother in hospital and you it is urgently necessary to arrive “ (it is necessary to explain to the child that at first it is quite good to call and find out to father / mother whether all with them as it should be and if it is not possible to phone - to go with well familiar adult, is better - the woman: neigbour, mother of the school friend);
- to anybody , except the doctor on reception (from a consent and in the presence of parents) it is impossible to allow to touch itself for genitals; and the more so it is impossible to touch none of adults or more senior children even if they about it asked and even if declare that “ all children do it “ or, on the contrary, “ now you learn what does not know and still none of your age-mates are able “.
And still it is necessary to explain to the child that if nevertheless attacked him, deceived, intimidated and made all that had no to do the right - should tell about it to those to whom you trust - and as soon as possible! Often children do not decide to tell mother about actions of the stepfather, father or grandfather for fear that mother just will not believe or because it will be too hard blow for her. However if mother or someone from relatives leads discussion about these dangers the first - the child will understand that in case of trouble this adult can trust.
Alas, there are a lot of cases when mother quite it is aware of the events, but or pretend that nothing is known, or in general waved on it a hand - that not a rarity in asocial families. In this case to the child very much will carry if on his way someone meets (neighbors, teachers, parents of friends) who will explain that with this trouble it is possible and it is necessary to address to militia, to agencies of guardianship, to psychological services.
There is several of signs which emergence can suggest adults an idea of the possible occurred violence over the child. treat them:
- the unusual sexual knowledge inadequate I will increase;
- the repeating repeatedly sexual games (including with usual toys);
- seksualizirovanny expressions of affection for the family and friends;
- an onanism which the child not in forces to stop or hide;
- imitation of sexual intercourse with brothers, sisters, animal;
- a hvataniye for a breast and genitals of adults, a staskivaniye of clothes from them;
- unexpected, sharp changes in the attitude towards the specific person or the place: “ I hate the uncle Petya “ “ I cannot go in the " elevator; “ I will nevermore go for soccer “;
- the certificate that between the child and more senior person there is a certain confidential communication: it is especially disturbing if the child has gifts, money.
There are also additional signs , in itself not being authentic certificates of an event, however the confirming previous factors and setting thinking on whether you know everything about the child`s life yet:
- stories in the third party: “ I know one girl …. “;
- frequent sleeplessness, nightmares;
- the self-destroying behavior - alcohol intake, drugs, prostitution, suicide attempts, escapes from the house, excessively frequent susceptibility to various accidents;
- the general mistrust, fear to adults of a certain type: sex, age, appearance;
- loss of toilet skills (most often concerns kids), at more seniors - indifference to the appearance, bad personal care, or, on the contrary, persuasive washing (desire “ to be washed “) ;
- return to children`s, infantile behavior, or, on the contrary - too “ adult “ behavior;
- a chronic depression, leaving in, fears, phobias.
Be attentive and not indifferent! Reality such is that very considerable part of children and teenagers, without regard to a social origin and an economic situation of their families, get the first sexual experience in the violent way. According to survey conducted in St. Petersburg by the famous sexologist I. Kohn, 39% of girls and 8% of young men at the age of 17 years consider themselves as the victims of sexual violence. Most often teenagers are exposed to rapes, however not less than a quarter of cases falls to the share of children 7 years are younger.
Ponder upon these figures … Probably, it is not necessary to explain why it is so important to prevent similar - that is to manage to explain at least to own children elementary precautionary measures. It is also not necessary to explain and importance of ability to notice signs of already made misfortune to manage to give in time help to the child and to punish the guilty person in the incident - as nothing so produces and increases violence as impunity …