How to be if others it is always better?
U of each of us were the moments in life. when we began to doubt own opportunities. Were disappointed in themselves, hardly trusted in the forces, felt small and insignificant, especially, when compared themselves to those whom admired and, can even envied. Even those who, at least for others, are always self-assured feel fear at some moment that something will not turn out or how they look in the opinion of others. These crises have to be perceived by us as something natural, and as psychologists speak, help us to build up the character and identity.
But sometimes happens that the fear that at you something (or in general nothing) will not turn out that others it is cleverer, more successful, is more interesting, more beautiful, than you, become obsession. For example, one acquaintance constantly speaks: “... I always try from all forces, but constantly others appear ahead of me. What to do, I was a bad schoolgirl, I never had abilities to sciences. Appearance I was not successful, not depended on me, but I do not despond (she tries to inspire it in herself). Actually there is no such business which I could execute if it is not better, then, at least, it is not worse than others. Even those who read it now will tell that there cannot be it. I think many can give similar examples.
Usually this state is followed:
Self-humiliation. We constantly think of the shortcomings, weaknesses. absence of knowledge, forgetting about the abilities and positive lines.
Negative feelings. We are overflowed by feelings of alarm, fear, shame, fault, a failure presentiment. All this stops any attempt to overcome difficulty in which as it seems to us, we are.
Feeling of inferiority. We think that we do not deserve respect, friendship, love. Each criticism or doubt are perceived by us as full refusal and accident.
Discontent with the appearance. Bad food, hobby for diets or, on the contrary, overeating. One do not care for the appearance at all, others are afraid to leave on people if do not make up and will put on very clean. One more extreme - fear to change something in the vneshost: to use cosmetics, to dress unusual clothes.
Happens that the feeling of own inferiority begins to be formed with the childhood. Too strict, critical, obeznadezhivayushchy position of parents, often in combination with great expectations which have no what attitude towards real requirements and the child`s opportunities, a lack of trust, comparison with others at whom it turns out better (follow an example of that that). Sometimes words are not necessary. The child feels fear and reads alarm on a face of the parent who watches competition, observes on morning performance, listens to the class teacher. And the child begins are afraid to seem worse than others, to disappoint darling.
In youth can wait other difficulties. We begin cares for the appearance, are afraid that we are insufficiently high, thin, we have too straight (curly) hair... As a result disappointment, despair, anger. With age it passes, but some are capable to come back very quickly and often to this state. Usually such people like to compare themselves and the progress to others (and come to conclusions that they do not deserve also much in this life. They reject hororshy work being afraid not to cope with it. Do not trust feelings of another, thinking that all this not seriously).
What it is possible to make to understand, as we cost something.
1. To listen to words of others and to begin to listen and believe what they tell us. It is not necessary to think about himself: “ He tells it since he does not understand this question “ “ He just tries to be polite “ “ He tries to tempt me that then to use me “. to uzhno learn to trust others and if someone nevertheless deceived, not to go in cycles in it.
2. Whether it is necessary to reflect we need all this that we try to get and learn, or we do only that others expect from us or consider important.
3. We have to recognize, it was not as if difficult that in life we will never have something, but poy that we it are not worthy but because it for us does not matter and so much.
4. We also have to recognize that some things worked well for us even if we consider them insignificant.
5. It is sometimes good to reconsider the ideals. How many times we admired others (their work, the partner in life, new acquisitions) to learn in a consequence that everything was not so good.
6. It is not necessary to seek to become the best all at once and to get on top. It is necessary to remember that those who got there passed also through the intermediate stages and, perhaps, at them it turned out it is far not at once.
So define the purpose (it is desirable to begin with one) and, forward, dare. Success to you!