You criticize? And you?
each person has a sacred right for the requirements. Quite naturally will be to consider criticism which in this right stops us. All of us use criticism as the instrument of communication, without thinking of its influence on ourselves and people around. That is, unconsciously, on a habit. But if to pay attention to how the criticism spoils the relations with people, and the main thing with itself, it will become clear that it is better of such habit to get rid consciously.
For a start answer yourself a question: “ How often you notice criticism in the address from the partner? “ Will be the general answer Enough to reveal the general relation to criticism in the address - as far as it is painful.
Then note the most unpleasant for you the moments on which you are criticized by the partner. Find for yourself such sore points for criticism. Make of them the list for descriptive reasons. Also estimate the feelings during when you are criticized.
For example, you are reproached that you the greedy person, and at you in soul for offense and indignation everything turns over because you consider yourself as the most generous person on light. And now pay attention to an important point: even if you are actually very generous, but charge of greed cuts you to the quick, it can mean that you really the greedy person in soul, but at the same time so strongly condemn greed that you forbade themselves to be greedy and began to condemn others for such manifestations.
That is, you forbade themselves to be yourself! Because you do not like this trait of character in yourself! And having crushed it, you transferred the discontent with greed on people around which they also return you.
Let`s track a chain of succession of events once again. You are criticized and blamed for greed - you are revolted with injustice of criticism just because forbade to be greedy to themselves - means, you will constantly notice manifestations of greed in other people - and to condemn (not necessarily aloud) greedy behavior. I hope clear that instead of greed you can substitute any word on which you observe at yourself excessively emotional reaction.
Choose one such word from the list and observe the feelings in various situations when you are criticized or when you criticize (already clear that absolutely not very well - you criticize or criticize you as all this manifestations of your ban on one of qualities with which you in yourself are dissatisfied).
When as a result of such supervision you will feel that you do not want to criticize the partner in the given concrete reason any more and that you do not react to criticism in the address in the same occasion any more, it means that you accepted in yourself this quality, allowed it to be and ceased to condemn themselves for the fact that it lives inside.
From this point the criticism in this occasion to you is not terrible - you it will be simple there is nothing to hook. It turns out that any criticism is a hidden self-criticism from which criticizing suffers first of all. Thus it is possible to get rid of a set of hooks to which you reacted and which revolted you in your partner.
Sometimes speak: and how it is possible not to criticize and not to condemn asocial behavior, for example? What turns out, in this case I do not allow to be shown thus to the asocial bents?
It seems that so. But as we live in society, are necessarily forced to constrain manifestation of the aggression in relation to other people. As a result it leads to the fact that aggression finds a way out in the form of criticism of those situations which you do not afford. I think that if to cease to condemn asocial behavior and many other phenomena unpleasant to you, and to try to understand mechanisms which move you towards condemnation then it is possible to derive a lot of benefit for of.
A from that, you will condemn asocial behavior of others or will not be, this asocial behavior will not get to anywhere. From condemnation to asocial companions it is cold, hot. But if you take care of the own life and track roots of own condemnation and desire to criticize - you will obtain every chance of to allowing such behavior in return. And it will be your contribution to tranquility of society. Much more valuable, than to condemn another.