What is the domestic violence - and how to struggle with it?
As often to us were repeated since the childhood: “ My house - my fortress! “. However not each of us can consider with confidence the house as fortress, and the family - guarantors of own safety. It is possible to argue long on the reasons of this phenomenon, however in this article we will concentrate not on the reasons, and on ways to minimize the phenomenon and its consequences.
So, that such domestic violence ? These are the physical, verbal, moral and economic abuses and coercions which became habitual for the purpose of intimidation and receiving the power of one family members over others. Thus, the domestic violence is not only traditionally implied beating and sexual violence.
There are also latent forms: systematic insults and humiliation of advantage, compulsory isolation from the outside world (a ban on work, study, on meetings with friends and even relatives), economic oppressions (rigid restriction in finance and the requirement of the detailed reporting - is frequent at a ban to earn independently).
Alas, the domestic violence exists in one and all social groups, educations and provisions in society face it regardless of the level of the income. However it is possible to mark out some general regularities in the identity of both an aggressor, and the victim.
So, what psychological portrait of the victim of domestic violence ? It is a low self-assessment, the increased uneasiness and suggestibility, uncertainty in itself. At the adult victims the justification of actions of the offender is observed (“ the victim herself is always guilty “) hypertrophied sense of guilt, the quashed feeling of anger, confidence that nobody can really help, belief in the myth about norm of the violent relations with a family (“ beats - means, loves “ “ the beating defines consciousness “ “ all children are beaten by parents “ and so on), women have a belittled understanding of a role of the woman in society and in a family.
And that are typical “ aggressors “ ? These are people who, as a rule, and were exposed to violence in the childhood; they possess a low self-assessment, accuse others of actions which make (for example, unfaithful husbands attribute to the wife continuous changes - or on the contrary). Often they do not realize that their aggressive actions have serious consequences for the victim, however well understand in relation to whom it is possible and to whom it is impossible to show aggression. “ House tyrants “ as a rule, in society or on the good account, or, as they say, “ never were attracted “; if it is the man - he is traditional in views of a family and the leading role of the man in it (as well as in all society).
The main feature of domestic violence is the fact that in attempt to suspend relations danger to the victim sharply amplifies. Therefore in a situation when to suffer more than forces is not present, it is necessary to think over everything in advance and to make secure:
- to collect flat keys, documents if there is opportunity - money, and also the most necessary things: (the and children - at their existence) and to hide clothes, drugs in the available, but safe place - at the family, at acquaintances;
- to agree with reliable neighbors that they caused militia if hear characteristic shouts from the apartment;
- not to threaten with leaving in vain, to remember “ law of the jungle “: at first act, then give a vote. If you only threaten, gradually your actions will reduce to zero: already nobody will believe you - and first of all you will lose faith in ability to carry out the intention;
- to agree in advance with relatives, friends or acquaintances (it is desirable - unknown to an aggressor) about granting a shelter in case of need; to hide and destroy all addresses which would help it searching. Even better - to address to the specialized crisis center of assistance to victims of violence. Do not run away from the apartment “ in what is “ unprepared escape will force you to return shortly - as a rule, on extremely unprofitable conditions for you;
- to try to take all measures - whenever possible that (and furthermore - the victims) violence children did not become witnesses;
- if violence against you or children nevertheless is made, try to tell about it as it is possible for the bigger number of people: to neighbors, friends, relatives, colleagues - subsequently they can become your witnesses in court;
- by the way, about court: in case of a physical abuse (a beating, sexual violence etc.) it is necessary to pass surely survey in medical institution (address, for example, to traumatologic or gynecologic office) and it is OBLIGATORY to write the application to the militia.
Impunity - the most powerful factor provoking and stimulating violence! You remember: in 95% of cases if the physical or sexual abuse already took place, then once business will not be limited. And events will take place on accruing: with every subsequent time degree of cruelty and frequency of repetition increases.
An aggressor after commission of violence it is frequent “ bribes “ victim : actively apologizes, “ smoothes down “ the fault in the ways available to it (promises and assurances, sex, gifts, “ eases of the " mode; what as a result only gives new reasons for aggression flashes). Many victims “ are bought “ on it again and again - while they are not found with the broken skull or they driven to despair do not kill the torturer.
One more control lever the victims of domestic violence is the fear . The adult victim is afraid of publicity, changes of a social status, condemnation (“ itself is guilty “ “ earned “) or excessively painfully perceived sympathy of people around. And, above all - is afraid of instability of life in case of leaving: often lack of housing and/or means of livelihood forces to suffer the victims violence for long years.
Very essential factor for manipulation are children : often the aggressor who is especially possessing the power and money can play this card - “ you will not see children “.
The victim - the child is afraid of much too: to lose a family - even such as is; is afraid to admit to the second parent about ill treatment of the first as - besides - fears divorce of parents or condemnation and the second adult (“ for good reason received “) .
Violence over children - a special big problem. Most of the parents who are cruelly treating children often endured the similar relation (or neglect) from own parents in the childhood. According to different authors, from 60 to 75% of parents “ hammered “ psychiatric or personal frustration have children. Quite often physical and sexual abuse is a consequence of alcoholism, drug addiction of parents, and also their such personal features as a low self-assessment, hostility to other people and to society in general, irascibility, a character explosibility, immaturity of parental feelings and emotional “ dullness “.
Most often the victims of parental violence are kids till 3 years, and also children with mental and physical deviations - as most “ irritating “ and at the same time helpless beings. What to do if you suspect violent acts concerning the or foreign child?
Pay attention if it:
- periodically gets inexplicable injuries, bruises;
- is timid, has fears in a large number, sleeps badly, cries at night;
- in games constantly reproduces acts of violence, preferring them to any other types of game;
- does not look for protection at adults in case of danger or in every way avoids communication with some specific adult.
You remember: children in case of domestic violence need the help in any a case - unlike adults who in rare instances nevertheless manage to cope with a situation independently. Best of all the appeal to agencies of guardianship and the center of support of victims of violence helps if it is in your city, or to the psychologist. The help to drowning - work by no means not only drowning: to help with such situations it is quite real - it is only necessary to see a possibility of this help and in time to give to it a hand.