Whether it is possible to spoil the child attention?
“ To the Son of 1,2 g. He is capricious almost all that time when I not with it. In every possible way draws attention. It such from the very first day. Constantly cries, shouts or just poor-mouths if I try to be engaged in something. Ran about on doctors - told “ everything normally, simply such child “. I considered that it is impossible to spoil the child caress, attention. But now reflected - and whether correctly I arrived? Where there passes the side between reasonable (necessary) and excessive attention? How to define? Whether it is necessary to ACCUSTOM the child to that he played one? Ours independently plays very little.
Whether it is possible to spoil the child attention or it needs to find so much time how many he demands?? “
the Indicator that the child demands “ superfluous “ to itself attention, there is a parental feeling of irritation: “ Here again, well, how many it is possible! This child cannot be sated with attention! “ Here it is necessary to explain quotes at the word “ superfluous “. The attention here is not superfluous at all. It is necessary for the child. The matter is that the child, not confident in what will be able to receive attention when it is required to it tries to try to create a stock of parental attention. Requires attention not necessarily while it is necessary for it. The child begins to require attention every time when can. Therefore the adult has an impression about children`s insatiability.
Even if the child does not receive positive attention in the form of a smile, embrace, joint game, he does not stop the actions because significant is any attention including negative: shouts, slaps, rebuffs.
Important while the parent only - only begins to sicken, pay to the child attention, but not as it the child would like. As a rule, the child wants to be heard or seen, and the mother`s attention at this moment is riveted on the monitor. Agree if the child approached you and without tears and whims just like that nestled, the feeling of irritation most likely would not arise. Therefore, this unpleasant feeling causes not the requirement the child of attention per se, and that way which is chosen by the child, or time, not suitable, at a parental look, for communication. Means, the parent needs to give attention to the child, but in the way, convenient for himself.
The amount of time which the child can carry out in independent games depends on many factors: from age of the child, from his characterologic features (we will tell more simply, from traits of character), from temperament type (the phlegmatic person will be more likely inclined to independent games than the choleric person), from habitual model of the relation with adults. Happens so that mothers provoke dependence from which then suffer at the child. As often happens so that the child builds a pyramid, mother watches process, and then speaks: “ You incorrectly build, give, I will show! “ Next time the child can not undertake independent construction. It is much simpler to call mother, she quicker, will more accurately and more correctly construct that it is necessary.
To teach the child it is independently necessary to play. But this training often happens when it seems to parents. If one-year-old child to close in the nursery with words: “ You are already big, now you will independently play! “. Thanks to such actions of learning will not occur. Rather a child will take offense, will retire into oneself.
Independence as it paradoxically sounds, the child studies in activity, joint with the adult. Let`s return to a pyramid from cubes. Let`s assume, the one-year-old child can put three cubes at each other. Mother can show how to put at each other five cubes, to show once, two, five, ten. On the fifteenth child himself will want to construct a pyramid of five cubes, and at him it will turn out because he saw how it should be done. Every other day the kid can surprise mother, having constructed independently a pyramid of seven cubes.
Attention it is impossible to spoil the child. As soon as the child understands that deficiency of attention does not threaten him, it considerably will moderate at once appetite. For this purpose it is necessary to pay attention when the kid about it does not ask, showing own desire and an initiative to be near. It is reached when the child is taken on hands not only when he poor-mouths, insists, demands, presses, and just like that, literally for a minute, on the run from a bathroom in kitchen and back. That the situation with attention was leveled, several weeks " can be required; unasked “ intensive attention.