As far as you are objective in the relations with the partner?
Why you cannot estimate often complexity of a problem, allocate it and pick up versions of the decision? Because you incorrectly estimate reality. You can incorrectly estimate emotions of other people. Respectively, motives of his behavior are not clear to you and if you did not learn to estimate truly before motives of the behavior then this assessment is distorted even stronger.
The sensibleness is lower, the more emotions goes to subconsciousness, the reality assessment will be worse. And it is natural, all our interactions are started on our assessment of reality. That is, if we incorrectly estimated, respectively, we chose also the incorrect decision. Therefore it is important to learn to understand correctly. Roughly speaking, to make the correct opinion on the current situation.
Here it would be desirable to tell about beliefs because beliefs very strongly influence a reality assessment. They start our assessment in action. Each person can see only what enters his picture of the world, that is what is beliefs. And to people who are very basic, ready to stand up for the beliefs “ to death “ and to introduce the beliefs in consciousness of other people (to retrain them), it is much more difficult to estimate reality objectively.
It is necessary to make the amendment that there is no full objectivity and cannot be, it does not exist, but there is different degree of objectivity. Each person always looks at the world through the filters, beliefs, but ability to understand the point of view of other person, to see other beliefs very much increases probability of more objective assessment. It turns out, an objective assessment on one party and illusion on another. That is, very often we have wishful thinking.
For example, people met, got acquainted, fell in love, got married. One of couple has ideas of what the partner has to be in marriage. For example, at it is idea of what has to be the husband. While there was a love, especially to it the attention was not paid and when the love ended, feelings ceased, ideas of what it has to be outside got out. And it - that not such. There is a collision of illusions with reality to which we did not pay attention earlier. Also the trouble begins. That is, the more the illusions we are able to notice at an early stage of the relations, the easier for us objectively to determine what the person is what we should wait for from him and what - is not present. And, though all understand that it is impossible to change other person, this illusion is very sweet.
Even if we speak about the relations which already developed, then all the same never late to begin to estimate really reality, sweeping aside one illusions. Illusion is a situation when you clearly see that your partner does not correspond to that ideal image which developed in your head.
Try to make the list of the main illusory expectations concerning the partner. What duties, in your opinion, it has to carry out in your relations? Do you have an arrangement on performance of these duties or it has to carry out them “ by default “? Just because at your ideas of the ideal partner there are certain expectations.
For example, you wait that your wife will make for you a breakfast, a lunch and a dinner because it was so accepted at your parents. And when it does not do it, you have certain negative emotions. Or you expect that your husband will bring home all salary because your father so did. And it on the contrary - gives out to you on pocket expenses and no more than that. Still option: you intend to achieve from the child of obedience because such model of education for you only true, and the child protests in all possible ways. Options set.
Write out the discrepancies concerning those relations which you repair now. In the left column let there will be your expectations, and in right - really occurring facts. The you will be able to remember more situations - the your assessment is lower than reality and the more so you are inclined to idealize your relations.
Now your task will consist in getting over that the right column is a reality. And it means that you took a big step towards an objective assessment.