What to do if the child quarrels?
my son come from kindergarten recently, every time having filled up the lexicon with abusive words. Will tell - and waits for my reaction. If I do not react, will say once again. And sometimes in conversation with itself, playing, will insert a word and was so able. How to fight against it - to abuse, explain, beat lips?
we Will try to understand the events.
It is very tempting to assume that to all fault kindergarten and companions at a playground. However the easiest way not always happens the most correct. When in the children`s speech there are swear words, it is necessary to pay attention to internal language of a family as the closest people communicate among themselves. In house talk we often do not pay attention what we use expressions, or we do not attach told significance. Remember what you say when you hit or burn? How the father of family reacts to sharp changes of a political policy of the country or loss of a favorite team? And the child plays somewhere nearby at this time.
The kid imitates adults in any behavior including speech. Therefore it is dishonest to demand to behave from it differently, than adult family members behave, then the child quickly understands that in a family the system of double standards works. No excuses that the father and the grandfather can swear, and to the son are present because he still small, will not help. However such double standard will promote fixing in consciousness of the child of installation - the adult can swear if I swear - means, I am the adult. Therefore quicker to become the adult, it is necessary rather to begin to swear.
Therefore for the prevention of use by the child of swear words, it is necessary to watch closely first of all own speech and not to deceive itself, thinking that children do not hear us, do not understand or that it will be possible to force to forget them bad words by means of notations or punishments.
It is possible to share with 4 - 5 summer kid honestly the experiences that you would not like that this bad habit passed “ by inheritance “ to it.
There are some more reasons for which the child can talk smut. Remember, than use of an offensive language by adults is followed: expressive gestures, shock or even approval of people around, their nervousness. Around swearing at once there is certain tension, to it pay attention, it is reproached or calmed. The children feeling a lack of parental attention can talk smut that they were noticed that they communicated to them.
Besides, kids notice that behind rough words there is a position of determination, superiority and force (the truth, they do not understand yet that this force can be affected). They see that some adults are frightened the one who quarrels and if the child is not confident in the forces, in himself if the immediate environment is not considered with it, then foul language can serve the purpose to frighten, force to respect itself. In this situation it is necessary to show to the child that such way of drawing attention does not act on you that you do not consider abuse as manifestation of force. And it is possible to make it, only remaining quiet, in response to children`s bravado, as if it was difficult for you.
It is not necessary to abuse, shame and punish the child for the swear words which incidentally got to his lexicon. He does not know their sense yet, does not understand that it is bad, and, of course, does not guess that can be punished for them.
To pretend that you did not hear the swear words pronounced in the presence of the child it is possible only if you are sure that he really did not pay attention to them (something it was busy). In such cases intentionally
should not focus attention of the child to abuses. However, if the child himself says unprintable epithets, parental reaction is necessary. The best way of influence - a straight talk - an explanation. Try to inform the child that it is not accepted to say these words that personally their pronouncing is unpleasant to you. At the same time let your tone will be quiet, good-natured, not angry and not instructive. If you show that you are shocked and revolted, the child in the subsequent can pronounce these words specially when he wants to tease you.
Thus if your kid quarrels, then:
1. Try not to attach it great value. Do not pay the increased emotional attention to these situations not to fix such behavior model.
2. Do not abuse, do not punish the child, do not behave aggressively.
3. Discourage the child by the tranquility, treat unpleasant incident softly. Tender, gentle reaction will dull its new “ " weapon;.
4. If the kid tells a swear word at strangers, briefly apologize for it and change a topic of conversation, try not to give to react in undesirable way surrounding the chance to an act of your child.
5. Consult with the psychologist as it is better for you to communicate with the child in such situations, especially if they became the frequent phenomenon.
Remember that doctor Spock wrote: “ High ideals and the principles which parents impart to the child become part of his nature and eventually are shown even if the child passes a time of hobby for swear words and rough manners “.